Im Done...not that you care

[dpressedone89]

Okay I am now done with this life. Anyone who knows me knows I've been through more than anyone should ever have to go through but today is what made me decide on this.I was on a site and there was a poll on if I should kill myself.not only that 97% said yes.

 

No one wants me here anyway why bother staying?Im sick of life everyone thinks there is something wrong with me and their right. i am screwed up. i never was a normal kid.after losing many friends to suicide i became suicidal myself.

 

I was hardcore. detailed attempts in my bedroom, bathroom, or other public places.i couldnt even do that right. when i talked to my dad about this he told me "dont you dare stain my floor". how nice. from the man who has beaten me in ungodly ways untila few years ago when he realized that i am stronger then him.

 

The friends i did have here where i live all hate me now and want nothing to do with me. i bring them down. they dont care about me anyway they never did. no one ever did. people say they do but they dont its just so they dont feel guilty if i do it.

 

My life is a living hell. if i live in hell why fear dying.i know the most common response will be "things will get better". well thats lovely but i dont want to wait another second in this life i hate it so much.now my dad is all better now he is trying to make me happy bygiving me things. doesnt he see i dont want it i dont want any of it

 

no gifts no love no attention. i just want you alll to know that you are ver nice people and im glad i had a chance to know you.i guess the question would be do any of you care? or can you think of a reason i should stay?

 

-sTiTcHeS

[Blue Skittles]

Okay I know you must have heard this a million times - but it DOES get better. I promise you, I was there too, I just wanted to die more than anything, and I stuck it out, and things are a lot better now.

 

Do you know what helped me, was to increase my faith in God. If you don't believe, you probably think this is crazy. Well I didn't believe in any of it either. I just decided I would go talk to a priest, I wanted to die so bad, but I had to go talk to him, because I felt that was the only thing i could do other than kill myself.

 

If u get the chance, i suggest u go talk to a priest or someone religious about how u are feeling. There is a lot of advice they can give u.

 

I'm telling you, I didn't believe either, until now. I just had to. It was my only light at the time.

 

I learned, that we all have an eternal life, and it can be either good or bad, well, if we carry through our bad times and believe, we can go to heaven, and if we kill ourself, we will not go there.

 

Listen, even if u don't believe, think about this. What IF there IS such a place as heaven? What if God DOES exist?? Who knows if there is a heaven or not - we only find out when we die, right? But, what if there is. Then personally, I would rather stick through with my life, no matter how hard it is, and find out that there is or there isn't, than to kill myself, and end up with a bad life for eternity.

 

But enough of the religious stuff. If u want your life to change, you can change it yourself.

 

There are a lot of people that care about you and do not want you to go - and you will discover this when you start opening yourself up a bit and allowing people in your life to love you. I know its hard to believe, but right now, there is SOMEONE that loves you and cares about you.

[greenglo]

If you kill yourself you will only be giving in to all the people who have abused you etc. And from the sounds of it they are the real loosers.

[lunatic]

DONT DO ANYTHING!!!! There are way too many reasons to list as to why you should live. First off, you don't know nothing because your only 15. I know when I was your age I thought I knew everything and now looking back I knew nothing. Second this life is the greatest gift given to you and this is the only spin around the world we get. Your taking the cowards way out and it does not solve anything at all.

 

You don't think anyone cares about you then your gravely mistaken. Go talk to someone a counsler or something. There is no need to take your life believe me on this. I too was a misfit and I made myself into an honest hard working guy. If things are that bad then talk to someone in school.

 

My best friend was murdered and let me tell you after ten years of dealing with his loss. None of his friends truly ever got over his death. Your talking about is crazy and there is no need for this type of behavior.

 

Hubman 8)

[dpressedone89]

well the poll was on a site like this. people didnt like my posts they say i complain to much if im hurt that bad inside i should keepit to myself. they disagree with the advice i give so they started a poll to see how many people wished i kill myself.

 

if i die i know it is giving in to them but it will be getting away from them also. another friend found out i just cut and we arent friends anymore. basically im on a site giving advice like i do here and people disagree with me and tell me to kill myself.

 

i know there are people who care about me but then they would want me to be happy and i cant be happy here. this world is too screwed up for me too be happy in.i still see no point in staying here

[Blue Skittles]

Hey -- whenever I get feeling that way, like no one cares - I listen to the song "Don't stop dancing" by Creed.

 

The reason your friends are turning on you, is because they care about you. I didn't know why, but most of my friends turned on me too when i was cutting myself and trying to kill myself. A good friend of mine, told me, that most people, are not strong enough to deal with the stuff I was going through, and so they had no way of helping me. I think with friends, it gets to the point, they see it so much, and it hurts them to see it, and they don't know what to tell you anymore - so they give up. They care about you so much they just can't stand to see the pain anymore.

 

You can't give up on your life like this. You are meant to be on this earth, there is a reason you are here, and you will find that reason soon enough. Trust me.

 

Heres the lyrics to that song.

 

Don't Stop Dancing

At times life is wicked and I just can't

see the light

A silver lining sometimes isn't enough

To make some wrongs seem right

Whatever life brings

I've been through everything

And now I'm on my knees again

 

But I know I must go on

Although I hurt I must be strong

Because inside I know that many

feel this way

 

Children don't stop dancing

Believe you can fly

Away…away

 

At times life's unfair and you know

it's plain to see

Hey God I know I'm just a dot in

this world

Have you forgot about me?

Whatever life brings

I've been through everything

And now I'm on my knees again

 

But I know I must go on

Although I hurt I must be strong

Because inside I know that many

feel this way

 

Am I hiding in the shadows?

Forget the pain and forget the sorrows

 

But I know I must go on

Although I hurt I must be strong

Because inside I know that many

feel this way

 

Children don't stop dancing

Believe you can fly

Away…away

 

Am I hiding in the shadows?

Are we hiding in the shadows?

[jaiva]

I was once suicidal. I had a horrible childhood where I had to experience some things way to early. I hated the world and I felt the world hated me. I was always helping other people with their problems but I never knew how to help myself. After a year of trying to figure out who I am and what I liked and what made me happy I knew how to avoid the things that made me sad and I found people who know how to make me happy. So it does get better but only if you try to find out what things are important to you and try to get/keep those things in your life. I'll always be here if you need to vent your tell someone your story and I'll help you figure out the good and the bad in it, I'm good at that according to my friends and the people who talk to me.

I hope you don't give up because I'm sure that there is a person that you can help along the way with your story once you come out of this deep sadness.

Jaiva

[ZeMLB]

I don't care (and neither should you) what anyone says about anything. You should never kill yourself. It may not feel like it now, but there are MANY things to live for. I hated being a teen - I pretty much assumed I wouldn't make it past 18... And here I am at 28, really enjoying what I'm doing now and how I got here.

 

Just suck it up, ignore the jerks in your life and move on as soon as you can. For me *as soon as you can* was the day after graduation. I packed my car (which I paid $300 for one year earlier) and moved. No plans other than to leave to CA.

 

Started over, changed my outlook on life and have never been happier... I only hope you realize that nothing in life stays the same, accept for the fact that everything will change - I promise.

 

-ZeMLB

[avman]

Lemme ask you this. Why do you keep posting on the other site when you constantly comment that all they do is put you down? I think its time for you to leave that site and not return. It might make you feel a lot better.

[CarterJonas]

Hello dpressedone89,

 

Please don't do anything in haste; you have your life in front of you. You never know what tomorrow might hold.

 

I agree with avman, if all you get is grief from this other site, then it might be better for you not to visit it anymore.

[dpressedone89]

well to answer Avman the reason im still there is because i have a really good friend there and the only way we can talk is through PM's on that site i know its not a good reason but im at a point where i cant lose any friends

[JustSomeChick]

Why kill yourself anyhow? What does that solve?,if your that unhappy with your situation,Do something diffrent,because obviously what your doing now isnt working!!! If you are gonna go to that exstreem to kill yourself,why not just leave your house,with a back pack,or whatever you need to survive.I see your only 15 but hey who cares if your willing to off yourself,first try to fix your situation,and then see how you feel.

Parents make mistakes they are just people,they were your age once,and people can change.And once you quit obssesing over how bad everyuone has treated you and how unfair life is and said screw it all and started takeing steps to better yourself.You will see that this tiny part of your life right now is just a stepping stone to your freedom and independence. You sound like your smart but also a fatalistic,that you are the damned and there is no help or words for you.

The reality of life is,people suck and even the nicest ones,will still screw you over,even if they dont mean too.Its peoples nature,so starting now you need not worry about who did what to you,or why crap happens to you ect ect... The fact is people everywhere have had stuff like that happen ,or worse or maybe almost as bad ,but you get over it and life goes on. Dont throw your life away because you diddnt even try to live yet,so many posabilities you could take advantage of.This is true o anyone at any age. I know you said about the life gets better thing,well it does and here's another saying that becomes true too.LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT!! I pray you see the light and start kickin butt living instead of dwelling on the past.

[CarterJonas]

Could you swap emails or maybe messanger (you probably know how this works better than I do) with your friend, and then leave the site?

[i_hate_the_world47]

Dont kill yourself.Not only are you giving in to the people who have been breaking you down these years.As hard as it may seem people love you.And they may niot show it but they do.Killing yourself is taking the easy way out,.You claim to be strong,then show it and tough this out.

 

~Meagan~