Destiny2112 Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Are there any thoughts or things you keep telling yourself, that make moving on after the break easier for you? I still miss my ex (he was my first (serious) love) and I still find it very sad that he ended things.... ...what I'm trying to tell myself is, that in a way it's "good" that he broke up with me, since I don't want to be in a relationship with someone, who isn't fully committed, who doesn't love me enough to wait for me to finish my studies in order to be able to move to him, who is looking for someone else (whom he found finally) behind my back ...I know, being in a LDR is hard itself, but I think if the love for each other was strong enough (and mine definetely was), we could have made it, an end was in sight, end of this year...My ex's love obviously wasn't strong enough, unfortunately.... I want someone, who loves me and who is willing to stick with me through thick and thin and who is willing to talk about things that bother him, instead of just disappearing, as if 3,5 years relationship meant absolutely nothing to him Guess, he doesn't deserve my love....(unfortunately he still has it ) What thoughts help you??? Link to comment
wiley Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Just that why would I want to be with someone who doesn't feel the same way as me? You can't force someone to fall in love with you.. Link to comment
TidalWave Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Realization that I'll soon be gone. You see, I have a good logical reasoning, and seeing how my health gets worse as I'm getting older, how you must put up a fight to keep it at some 'healthy' level every day, I make no illusions that I'm gonna live long and healthy life. So with the limited time to live, to bother with the past and 'what used to be', at my future's expense would be the greatest crime of them all. I barely remember what happened this Monday. And I don't care. Because I'm here and I'm today, and most importantly I am!... It's not panic that time is running out that I feel. Because there's nothing I have to finish. Everything I do, I do it because I want to, but it doesn't matter, even tho' I make it matter for now. I don't need to prove anything, yet I go and prove things to people around, but that's just 'cuz it makes me happy. I too wasted time on a girl, 5 years to be exact. Do I regret it? No. Because that experience makes me who I'm today, and I love who I'm, that guy is pretty awesome, if you ask me... Seriously, stop bothering yourself with what was, you're young today, if you are going to live in the past and keep looking back all the time. Before you know it, it'll be the same day like this, but you will be grey and old. And you will think, 'what the heck has happened to my life, it was here yesterday'. Imagine your future, see yourself old, and feel like being old, and right then and there, from the point of view of that old woman look at your past (which is your present right now). And most probably you'll see a girl who wasted her youth on things, which even tho' they hurt, are not important really. A girl who was stuck with things that went wrong. Instead of using that time, effort and energy to go after and search for things that might have been right. And that old lady will regret it. That's all you need to see. Go back to here and now, to the present. And think again, in 50 years from now, do you want to regret the ways you lived your life today? I guess not. Link to comment
LarsWB Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 In my case, it was actually NOT THINKING that helped me. I worked for months and months at 'living in the moment'...instead of thinking about her, the past, the future, etc. I would acknowledge my feelings, then let them pass. It was difficult to learn at first, and others may not grasp the idea, but it started to become a powerful tool on the days I hurt the most. I did it until enough time passed - and I my hurting over her ceased. Now I just do it because well, it's a wonderful way to live...in the moment....enjoy it! Good luck to ya Link to comment
manicdogbert Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 For me it was accepting that my ex changed. He became a different person during the last few months of our relationship. The person that once loved and cared for me no longer existed. I was only able to finally see that after the break up. But when I took the time to reflect on the relationship, I did realize that he did become a different person. He stopped including me in his plans. Hung out with his friends more without me, etc. The drawback there is that I can also see where he was expressing is concern that there was something wrong with our relationship but I just denied that there were problems and thought "things would just work themselves out". Sadly, they didn't. I was also thinking about how my ex was during the relationship, and the fact of the matter was that everything about him was the EXACT OPPOSITE of what I am about. He was all about image and knowing the right people. Looking down on people whenever he could. And I am not like that at all. So I accepted that we just weren't right for each other. Another thing that helped me moved was thinking about the possibility of reconciliation (yeah, I know, despite what I just wrote above!) I wouldn't want to give it a second chance because I would be way too stressed out and afraid that he would leave me again. And I'll be damned if I put myself through the pain of a break up again. I would rather just start from scratch with somebody new and see where it goes. Link to comment
engraved2008 Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Destiny,we do heal....the reality is that never completely.I laugh,i go out ,i eat i sleep with my new mate,but when i hear a sign from him.....i get emotional.And he knows that,and he told me things changed but he still cares and i m a great girl,that we were a great couple...and that there is something magic that keeps us in touch.... I m with you on this .LDR COULD HAVE BECOME A NORMAL RELATIONSHIP IN THE END.DISTANCE ITS JUST AN EXCUSE.Well,we do not know if he is fully happy,but we do know that our exes live their life.One thing is clear destiny,one day when they ll be old they ll remember the girl who loved them most....the girl who stood at the gates crying at the departure,the girl who flew over to see their smile and longed for a hug and a kiss,the girl who stood lonely in a hotel when the things were falling apart,the girl who stood every night by the phone just to hear their voice...even the moon and the stars knew how much we love them,i m sure they ll think about it....and maybe one day they ll come back..... However all we can do right now is try to move forward,even hurt,even loving them....but try to live.Hugs and kisses. Link to comment
poweroflove Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 TidalWave that was amazingly awakening, inspiring and empowering. Link to comment
anthony4 Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 some great posts here. i'm having a rotten, thinking about them day. Still only going on 2 weeks into NC. Glad for such wisdom. Link to comment
MissSMcc Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 the main thought i am having that is getting me through is that i'm better off without him. i didn't have the best start to my adult life (preggers at 14) and had so many people telling me i will never amount to anything and my life has been wasted. well, middle finger up to them, i have had dreams for the future, but since this split i have gone from dreaming to actually trying to achieve these things. i couldn't of done that had my ex still been around, he was someone who felt it necessary to squash peoples ambitions because he had none of his own. there is nothing holding me back now. please focus on the fact that you deserve love, and love does not come from a man who fools around behind your back. now he is gone, you have the chance to find that real love, whenever you are ready. Link to comment
Destiny2112 Posted February 5, 2011 Author Share Posted February 5, 2011 Thanks so much for your great post!! It's so very true and very inspiring!! Link to comment
Destiny2112 Posted February 5, 2011 Author Share Posted February 5, 2011 [/b] Thanks MissSMcc!! You are absolutely right! I try to focuse on that!! Now I'm free to find real love, someone who would never let my down in such a cruel and selfish manner!! Link to comment
Destiny2112 Posted February 5, 2011 Author Share Posted February 5, 2011 Hey roxana, as usual you definetely understand my situation!! Thanks so much for your understanding and your touching post, it almost brought tears to my eyes! At least I know, I have truly loved him and I'm capable of deep and intense love... maybe one day, he'll realize his loss, maybe not... no one can predict the future... yes, our ex's live their life and so should we! Despite the immense pain and the sorrow, I have to move on and have to focuse on living my life happily and to the fullest! I won't give up and continue my long, hard healing journey!! Thanks for being there and for supporting me!! I really don't know what I would do, if I haven't found ENA! Hugs*** Link to comment
GotMyLifeBack Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 I'm not completely healed. Maybe never will be, only time will tell. But when I cross paths with her at work and she's colder than a glass of ice water in Siberia, I know that she has a destructive/bullying energy that I don't want to be around and that only she can fix. Right now, and maybe forever, staying away from her is the only healthy option I have. I'm sad that it's come to this - it all seems so unnecessary. Link to comment
rosarioT Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 Today is all I got... past is past and the future is unknown and I don't want to waste more time suffering. I'm in control of my thoughts, I can make myself feel the most miserable ugly sad girl, or I can choose to think different, therefore feel different. When we lose someone we like to torture thinking about how amazing that person was, or holding anger about what they did wrong. It is okay to allow ourselves to feel those emotions at first, but enough is enough. I wont expose myself to more pain. i don't need to know what he is doing, feeling, etc... all I need to know is what I am doing today to live this day the best way I can.... Stay busy, control yourself, your emotions, forgive, forget, be thankful for what u do have, enjoy the people u do have in your life... Understand that no-one belong to us... No-one is obligated to love us forever. Learn to not take everything personal. You never know what is in the mind of the other person. It's easy to judge , it's easy to feel like a victim, but how is that helping me move on... ? Time to get to know new friends, talk to other people, breath and relax Link to comment
makayla Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 Rosario that's a great post! To the OP, It's ok to feel sad after awhile. I'm on the same boat as you - he broke up with me because he didn't want a LDR, and for a while I felt sad and angry that he just didn't love me enough. But after awhile you need to realise that, 1) People change - you might think that he's awesome but he really isn't - so don't beautify him.Plus you might be analysing about all the things that he have said, but you have to understand that some things were said in the heat of the moment and when a relationship ends - they don't really mean much anymore. He might have said he loved you and would do anything for you - but if he can't even stay in a LDR then obviously words are cheap. 2) Don't be angry - it's a free market and he's not obligated to love you. 3) You will always have yourself - as you are the only person in this world who won't try to hurt yourself, or make yourself feel sad. Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.