Adulterous thoughts -- please help

[elite867]

I am a happily married woman going on two years of marriage and about three years of being together. Well, I love my husband very much and I have a big problem!

 

About a week ago i received an e-mail from an ex-boyfriend of mine, We broke up about 3 months before I met my husband. I was completely in love with this guy and devastedly heartbroken when we broke up. I responded to his e-mail which only inquired on how I was doing. I told him that I was happily marred now with plans of having a child within the next year or so.

 

He responded saying that he was happy for me but sad as well because he was hoping that we could get back together. I told him that it wasn't possible. Well, after a few days, I wrote him another e-mail telling him that I was still in love with him and if he had witten that letter three years ago, I would have taken him back, but it is too late despite my feelings for him.

 

He responded again saying that he didn't want to ruin my marriage but he is also very much in love with me and couldn't be friends because his feelings are so strong.

 

Well, since that letter, ALL of my happy memories of our relationship surfaced. I go to sleep thinking about him, I dream about him and I thoughts of him are with me when I awake. When I look at my husband, I wish he was him because I want him so badly. I think about our love making and our romance and I want to run into his arms.

 

My husband is the most wonderful and loving man I have ever known...why can't I stop thinking of my ex? I feel so guilty for my adulterous thoughts but I can't stop thinking them. Please help me....

[Gilgamesh]

Hello Elite

 

The reason you feel these things is because you never really completely healed and let go the first time.

 

I will make this plain and simple, break off the contact with your Ex. ALL contact, your still in love with a dream, yes you may have fond memories but your also forgetting the circumstances of you separating, he is still that same person, you just never allowed yourself to feel anger because you loved him. now things didn't work out for him and he wants you back now, isn't that special.

 

The only thing that will come out of all this is pain, pain for your husband, and pain you will feel when everything comes crumbling down and you are left with guilt and regret.

 

End all contact with your Ex, no "friendly" chat, no, courtesy calls NADA! tell him you wish him well then say goodbye. block his number, erase his e-mail. and do some soul searching and start the healing process all over again, let that fantasy go.

[bleeder]

I agree with Gilgamesh on this one. You did not fully recover the first time round before you moved on to your marriage.

 

It's wiser to break away from your ex for now. The reason why the past should be laid to rest is because it will only cause further complications when brought back to the present. We all could love someone at one point in time or the other, but there's always a time for loving and letting go. In this context, it's about time you let go of your past fantasies and cherish your husband for all you can.

 

All the best to you Elite867.

[Katheelynn]

I also agree totally with the NO CONTACT. Please consider the fact that he did go away for several years and during that time you fell in love with another man whi IS HERE. I cant help but agree that you may be in love with a dream. You remember the good times, but did you include the reasons you all drifted apart? Even though you have not been together but 5 years, you may be in a slight rut. Maybe you can do alittle homework on adding abit of fireworks into your marriage. Iwant you to know that I totally understand your situation. I think all of us have have felt like you are at one time or another. Some act on it and some use it to better what they have. I wish you luck.

[elite867]

Thank you all for your support and advice. I will heed your advice and I know it is only a dream because their were bad times, as you say -- obviously because we broke up.

 

Anyway, I know I have a great thing with my husband and i would be foolish to do anything to jeopardize that for anyone.

 

Thank you all very much

[sym666]

Hey that's to easy!

 

Previous posts convinced you? Well I'm here to put doubts into you again. Doubts are important, they are one of the means by which nature push us to understand ourselves and the others better. What if you still esteem and love this guy? The most important thing is not to avoid "further complications" ([-X, bleah!) , is to understand what do you think & feel. Are you sure to be real happy and sincere with yourself?

 

I'm a bastard, I'm aware of it!