Am I wrong for doing this?

[silent_death_whisper]

First off I just want to i'm kinda new here so Hi.

And i'm hoping you guys can help me out alittle bit? Thanks in advance

 

Here's my issue...

I've been dating my bf now for 3 months and things have been going great besides the fact that he still talks to one of his ex's (who still wants to be with him or really just wants to still be sleeping with him)

and well, the other night we were just hanging out at my house and he got on my computer, and this chic IM's him talking about "Hey cutie, what are you doing?" he tells her that he's hanging out with me and she continues on and the next thing she says is "Why aren't you two having sex, I know I'd be f'in ur brains out if I was there" "But then again you wouldn't even be able to type if I was there"..

First off, was I wrong for getting upset and mad over this?

And two, Would I be wrong to tell him to choose talking to her or having a relationship with me? I sorta feel kinda bad because they've been friends for a long time but at the same time.. I'm afraid that if I let this go on any longer the talking will eventually lead back to more.

So PLEASE someone help me out!!

 

Thanks in advance

 

Also, I Apologize if this is under the wrong forum.

[aireyc]

Hi,

 

I don't see your issue as a serious problem, but if it concerns you then I'd talk to him about it. See, I wouldn't just say choose her or you since he does want to be with you, but I WOULD tell him that it hurts you. It may also help him if he can talk to someone else; he won't get as bored with you. As long as it stays to talking only it shouldn't be a problem. Besides, many people remain friends after they break up.

 

If it's that big of a deal, talk to him. Otherwise, I wouldn't worry about it unless he starts seeing her again.

 

Chris

[silent_death_whisper]

Thanks for your reply but the thing is.. I've talked to him about this over and over again since it happened but still he has said nothing to her telling her to stop talking like that, I honestly dont care if they just talk but I know that isn't possible with her cause every converssation they have is about sex.

And she is constantly asking him to come where she lives and i'm starting to believe he is wanting to go visit just by the way he talks about it.

 

BTW, This is the type of guy who gets mad if I even talk to one other male besides him much less my ex who I get along with like a brother now. He flips out everytime I do.

[goddess23]

hey. dont worry about which catagory lol. ok, about your issue. it was not wrong for you to get upset, she knew you were seeing this, and she obviously wanted to send the message that your bf and her are probably at the very least flirting. even if its JUST HER doing the flirting, he should say to her that he feels uncomfortable or whatever about it, but he seems to subconsciously want to persue SOMETHING with her. not necessarily anything serious, but just to have her there maybe JUST to boost his ego. but you were not wrong to be upset, giving him an ultimadum (sorry i dont know about the spelling of that lol) on the other hand was not the way to handle it. the fact that they have been friends from the past gives you little right to stop that. but you should tell him that you feel very uncomfortable about their relationship especially after seeing an IM like that. see what he has to say about it, see how he feels about telling her something or just slowly giving her the cold shoulder. but sorry you dont have the right to tell him to not talk to her anymore, thats his choice, but if it makes you very upset you could tell him that you cant handle an issue like this, that it would drive you insane and that if he cant do SOMETHING about it, that you have no choice to end it. he should be willing to take action, if not then that says something about him. but if he feels its unfair to both of them to end their "friendship" completely you have to give him that much. so talk to him, thats the best thing you can do right now. see how he reacts, if he really is over her and really into you then he wont have a problem with making some comprimise.

[lady00]

I would be mad too if my bf's ex was hitting on him and saying sexual things like that to him. That is totally out of line. They both are not thinking about you or respecting you at all! i think you need to sit him down and explain that it bothers you and why and he doesn't stop then I think you might want to reconsider the relationship. He absolutely shouldn't be talking to that girl like that. You mentioned that he has been friends with her for a while but the thing is, friends don't talk to each other that way...and it's totally inapropriate for a girl to talk to someone's bf like that. I think you need to put your foot down on this one.

[silent_death_whisper]

Once again, Thanks so much for the replies.. I've concluded that i'ma give him one more chance and sit down with him and tell him if they cant talk normal chat like friends do then the relationship between us is over.

 

So, thanks so much..

[vitalcoaching]

Hi,

 

I hope everything went well and that you managed to be firm with him.

 

I wanted to give you a bit of extra feed back on this.

 

You can't check what he does when he is by himself in his own house. Getting on your computer to have a "sex chat" with his ex is way off.

 

Guys need sometimes to be educated on things like these. You can be firm. Tell him it's not okay! You are 100% right with reacting to his behavior.

 

repeat your message until he gets. make sure it does not happen again in your house. That's your territory. make sure he respects it.

 

Good luck!

 

vitalcoach