First break up :( I feel emotionally damaged...

[gabriella777]

My relationship with my now ex, hasn't been with the greatest for quite a while now. We were together for 16 months.

 

On December, I found out that he was cheating on me online (exchanging naked pics with other girls, and flirting A LOT with others). I stole his passwords and that's how I found out. When I started the relationship, I trusted with 100%. I started having doubts in October sometime, as he was starting to get extremely jealous, and stopped being the sweet and considerate person he was.

 

I was gonna end the relationship at first but decided to stay with him and work things out...

After a few weeks, he started talking to this girl online, that he knew about 3 years ago. He and him were online friends for about 4 years.

However, that friendship went to a new level, when she started having feelings for him, but he did not. Then she fell madly in love with him.

They kept on talking and then started exchanging naked pics.

 

They stopped talking 3 years ago, and for some strange reason, my bf decided to email her a few weeks after I had caught him cheating on me.

I told him I was not comfortable with this at all and I want him to stop talking to this girl if he wants us to be together.

He refused at first saying it's his best friend and that what I was asking from him was absurd! Then he agreed though, and I agreed to stay with him.

 

Things were not going well at all though, and I decided to end it yesterday.

After I did end it, I looked into his hotmail account (bad move but I couldn't help it).

Found out that all this time, he was lying to me and hadn't stopped talking to her.

He had created a new secret account just to talk to her.

 

I got really really mad at him yesterday night, I messaged her on fb telling her that he is still an @ss and that she should be careful when talking to him.

 

Me and him talked today a bit...argued about the same things all over again. I was still feeling angry at him, but I couldn't help it and I started crying after his last text where he says that he still cares about me, don't want me crying and that he will always be there for me... :sad:

 

I never replied back... I hate this...

I know I still feel kinda angry at him right, but I also feel so hurt and sad...

I thought it wouldn't be very hard getting over him because of how mad I was but I'm not so sure now.

 

It's my first ever break up and I don't really know what to do... shall I text him back? ignore him?

[TSandullo]

Hello Gabriella.

 

It is understandable the pain you are experiencing: the humiliation, the betrayal and the fact that you have broken up with someone you love.

Getting 'over' such a person regardless of how poisonous they may truly be to us takes time.

 

The first breakup is hard, I understand.

 

For now, to avoid any more added pain and drama, I suggest you avoid staying in contact with him for a while. This will avoid wounds reopening and further arguments.

 

Redirect your attention to other areas in life, things you may have perhaps neglected or wanted to direct energy towards.

 

The time apart from him will provide you clarity with time that he, though you may have residual feelings for him, is not the type of person to be with.

A lying, cheating, shameless individual like that...do you truly want a person like that.

 

You have listed your age as 18. You are young. The years to come will bring men who will care and above all RESPECT you more than this individual has.

 

The journey will be painful for now, but it will reap benefits in the end.

 

Keep posting, we are here to support you.

 

TS

[gabriella777]

Thank you for your post. It was really helpful.

 

He keeps on texting and it makes me cry...I've just asked him not to text me at least for the rest of today, every time he texts, I start to cry...

ugh...he texted again, but I will ignore him now.

 

How long will this take though?

I mean, how long will the crying take, how long will I be mad at him?

I've never gotten over anyone else before, it seems such a difficult thing to do...

[humphreys]

Gabriella,

I know exactly how you feel. I went through my first breakup last year, at 22... It was the end of a 3 year relationship. I could write pages on the feelings of confusion and sadness that plagued my mind every single day. My biggest gripe was why? Why couldn't she just be with me like she had promised?

 

Everyone will say this, but I truly promise, we're all saying this for a reason -- and that's because it's TRUE.

the first few days will be the absolute hardest. Every single day hereon will feel better, and better, but it won't be a quick process. It'll take time to get over your emotions and heal from this. My best advice would be to do whatever you can to stop him from contacting you. Turn off your phone, change your phone number, change al of your passwords if you shared them, block him everywhere (ESPECIALLY facebook).

 

Don't be afraid to cry, it's normal. I personally feel a lot better when I cry -- like my tears were literally the negative energy coming out of my body

 

You'll be just fine in due time. Don't be afraid to post as much as you possibly want, we're all here to help.

[thispoorguy]

Humphrey, those lines really hit my heart.. "My biggest gripe was why? Why couldn't she just be with me like she had promised? "

 

My ex said the same things.. "I will never ever hurt you.."

 

I feel you Gabriella. Although my situation is a little different. I have the same burning pain of loss...

 

Hang in there, girl.

[gabriella777]

the first few days will be the absolute hardest. Every single day hereon will feel better, and better, but it won't be a quick process. It'll take time to get over your emotions and heal from this. My best advice would be to do whatever you can to stop him from contacting you. Turn off your phone, change your phone number, change al of your passwords if you shared them, block him everywhere (ESPECIALLY facebook).

 

Don't be afraid to cry, it's normal. I personally feel a lot better when I cry -- like my tears were literally the negative energy coming out of my body

 

You'll be just fine in due time. Don't be afraid to post as much as you possibly want, we're all here to help.

 

Thank you.

 

Yes, I know it will take some time, and I know I'll be ok in the end. But I think I'm reacting really weird to this.

At some points in the day, I can be absolutely fine, doing what I have to do. (he's always at the back of my mind though). I can also think of how he has mistreated him and think that I'm much better off without him and don't want to ever see him again.

 

At other points during the day, I feel awful and all I want to do is cry myself to sleep, hoping that things will be better when I wake up.

I've asked him to stop texting me and he has. No longer have him on facebook or any other website...

 

I'm fine right this moment, but I know I might not be afterwards. And that scares me because I think that even when I am over him, will I suddenly think about him and start crying again? Will I still feel pain when I'm over him?