bubbamackdaddy69 Posted July 25, 2004 Share Posted July 25, 2004 Hey everyone...I haven't posted here in a long while but I've posted many times earlier. The question I have is that I'm wondering if it's normal to feel down or depressed sometimes even after a break up a year ago. To make my story short is that last August my ex g/f of 3 years broke up with me because we were arguing alot. About 2 or 3 weeks later she started dating someone and to this day they are kind of still dating..They've broken up about 3 or 4 times because supposively he's a pothead and doesn't treat her well..Anyways at first it was real hard kept calling her and begging her back then I realized I should do the NC rule. I took it hard for the first 5-6 months and now find myself in pretty good spirits. But the odd time now , even a year later I feel sad that we have broken up..is this normal? A year later...It makes it even more difficult when I still speak to her the odd time on MSN and talks about that guy sometimes. The thing is that I'm usually finding myself that I am over her and looking forward to meeting a new nice girl but the odd time I have bad days.Maybe once every 2 months...Is this normal?Anyone else had this type of thing? Link to comment
kantore Posted July 25, 2004 Share Posted July 25, 2004 it is normal there are no time lines. Youy get over it in your time. Besides when you meet your next girl friend it will be well worth the wait because you will apreciate her that much more. remember you are special and you deserve someone who is going to treat you that way. Try reading my last post I think it is called "What is Love" Link to comment
CarterJonas Posted July 25, 2004 Share Posted July 25, 2004 I sometimes still think of the ex. Im about six months behind you time wise. As you have spent some three years with her it is only natural, as long as it is kept to a minimum. Once every two months seems okay to me. Link to comment
bubbamackdaddy69 Posted July 25, 2004 Author Share Posted July 25, 2004 Hey thanks for the reply... Yeah I know what you mean...Honestly I'm usually always in a upbeat mood and having a great time. But about 5% of the time I tend to get down...Usually it's when I hear an old song or see things that reminf me of her..but all in all it going well just the odd day like today every 3 or 4 months..Thank god it's not like the first 3 months after the break up..Those days were tough.!..lol Link to comment
CarterJonas Posted July 25, 2004 Share Posted July 25, 2004 What remindes me the most is when I go to the town 'we' used to go to on the coast and I see the places that we used to visit, sit at..etc. I understand how you feel. Yes the firs few months are difficult, but it is a LOT better now. Link to comment
bubbamackdaddy69 Posted July 25, 2004 Author Share Posted July 25, 2004 Yeah it's usually when I hear any Dido or Dixie Chick song.. or just like you..certain places we used to go... Link to comment
Gaz Posted July 25, 2004 Share Posted July 25, 2004 I know EXACTLY how you feel, it is over one year for myself also. I just posted two posts about it and even ended up arguing with Hubman over it! I would say its completely normal if you really love someone. I for one will always think of her, but wont let it stop me being happy, neither should you. Here are the two post in case you want to read [link removed [link removed Link to comment
CarterJonas Posted July 25, 2004 Share Posted July 25, 2004 hello gaz, just read your two posts. Glad to see that you wont allow your ex. to stop you being happy. good luck Link to comment
bubbamackdaddy69 Posted July 25, 2004 Author Share Posted July 25, 2004 Yeah I've read your 2 posts as well... The best thing for people going through something like this is to do the no contact..I've done it for months and made me feel better.But lately ..the last 2 or 3 months I've been talking with my "Ex" on MSN and find it hard on days like these...You know..She talks about her problems with that guy , etc...And to make it even worse I talk to her sister and her Dad sometimes as well and they keep telling me that they miss me and want me to go visit...that makes it even tougher Link to comment
vfunkera Posted July 25, 2004 Share Posted July 25, 2004 Bubba its perfectly normal, especially after 3 years of being with each other! The ex is now a chapter in your life, and won't be forgotten. The old songs, specific locations, conversations and so on just resurface the memories you shared with each other now and then, and they can sometimes be emotional, but if you can accept them as just memories of what you two had in the past, then your fine. This month last year (i even know the date) my ex dumped me and broke my world just before the holidays. I thought then i'll get her back, and if i don't by christmas, i'll accept its over and never think of her again. Since that day in July 2003, not one day has gone by where that girl does not creep into my mind. Not a single one. I was only with her for what, 5 months. However this doesn't mean that i still miss her, shes just a part of who i am now, like my mum or dad. Sometimes i walk down a road we went through on our date and i just remember that day, & a great deal of songs i hear bring her face and that break up into my mind as well, particularly Britney Spear's 'Everytime'. However i always feel down after these memories not because of what we could have been, but what we have become...strangers who cannot talk to each other anymore or look at each other for more then 5 seconds. At least she still keeps in touch with you as a friend. However, if you feel that her contact is holding you back from living life again, then i would start to decrease contact between her. Good luck Link to comment
bubbamackdaddy69 Posted July 26, 2004 Author Share Posted July 26, 2004 Thanks for the reply vfunkera. Yeah it's tough sometimes..I knew for the first 6 months that I couldn't take it serious with any new girl but the good thing is that know I feel that I can it's just these kind of days that make it hard for a little while. I've honestly thought about it today that I will block her out of my MSN for a while. I just don't really need to speak to her for a while.It'll be better for me in the long run. Link to comment
Jyebo Posted July 26, 2004 Share Posted July 26, 2004 Hi Bubba, Just wondering why you guys broke up in the first place, and what you did to try and win her back. I have just broken up with my girlfriend of 2 and a half years, i am haunted by her in my sleep. I am seeing her today to discuss a few things, mainly why we broke up, as she didn't really know, she just felt like the chemsitry wasn't there. This is the worste feeling ever, i don't know how much more of it i can take... If only i knew how to fix things, doesn't seem fair. jyebo Link to comment
bubbamackdaddy69 Posted July 26, 2004 Author Share Posted July 26, 2004 Hey Jyebo, I did what people shouldn't do to try and win someone back. I kept asking her why? and asking her to give me another chance, begging, etc... The best thing to do is maybe at first talk to her from the heart on that day that you meet up with her and if that fails I say the best option is to have No Contact with her. That may give her time to miss you and to think about things. Let her contact you if she wants to..And when and if she does keep it short and sound happy...If you sound sad and depressed and beg for her it will only push her away more. Good luck Link to comment
Del Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Hi Mate, Of course it is normal to get these feelings. It might take you another year or 2 to totally get over it. Time is on your side now mate, you are over the worst, believe me. Link to comment
SF_mike Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 hey there bubba... I also haven't posted in a long time here...you may remember my misc posts last year....I remember reading yours....I'm kinda in the same boat....Next month is the one year anniversary when I got dumped (from someone I dreamed of marrying etc...) Nothing but ups/downs for me since then.....I also begged, pleaded when it first happened......I wonder if I had acted differently if that strategy could have saved it....probably not....no contact for me since Jan (6 months)....It still is harder than hell sometimes....The worst thing I've gone through in my 37 yrs....Seems especially hard lately.....I've gone on misc dates etc....over the last couple of months but still find myself shedding tears now & then for the ex.....I still think about her everyday and in all honesty wish for some magical phone call from her telling me she made a huge mistake etc... But I also know it probably ain't coming. I'm definitely doing better at this point in time and have made amazing progress etc....but it still stings me when I really start thinking of it. Hang in there....I know how you feel. Mike Link to comment
auburnslp Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 well, I feel for you guys...over a year is a long time...but from the research I have done, it can sometimes take much, much longer than that to truly move on...I think it is very normal...one very serious relationship in the past took me 4 years to get over...nothing huge, just what you guys have described, hearing old songs and even shedding a tear or two at times...well, I have the answer for you guys, if you care to hear it. I finally got over that last girl when I met someone even better, and this would be the last girl I saw, for three years, who just dumped me for good on Sunday. It was amazing, I had been dating another girl during that 4 years and at one point had a dream that I had to choose between the past girl and the one I was seeing then, and I chose the past girl. Woke up that morning so sad and hopeless, and soon after broke it off with her for that very reason, believing I had found and lost my one and only soul-mate and no one would ever make me happy enough to ever forget her... Well, a couple of months later I did. And it was instantaneous. For the last three years, not a single sad thought over losing that first girl-all those memories just became a happy part of my past, instead of a sad part. Now, I face it again...she broke it off three months ago but slowly we became friends again and then a little more, and it scared her, and she broke it off very completely on Sunday, basically saying no contact ever again, no emails, nothing. And here is the thing...at the beginning of those three months I was just miserable. Didn't even want to crawl out of bed in the morning-it is truly the worst thing in the world. But now that it happened again, and it wasn't as much of a shock, I am stronger, and better able to hold onto the knowledge that all it is gonna take is to find the one out there for me that is as good or better than this last. Don't get me wrong-she was my soul-mate-I had even asked her to marry me a few months ago...it was the most intense loving relationship of my life. But I know from past experience that there is a cure-there is another out there for all of us that will be as good or better than the one we thought was truly "the one". And all it takes is patience, and the unwillingness to settle for less. Patience is key. It took me 4 years to find the one to cure my heart of that first one. I will wait 4 more years or as long as it takes to find the next one, and I will never give up hope... That is the secret my friends. And it will happen for you, even though right now it is very hard to believe...that is one secret, and now to cheer you up, to let you guys laugh at someone else's stupidity, here is another way to take your mind off the pain...and here it is...do something really, really stupid. On Monday, I went over to my ex-wife's house, we both got to drinking, and had sex for the first time in over 7 years. Stupid, you ask? Very...she was very nearly engaged...and is now thinking of breaking it off with him because she doesn't think she can face him and lie to him for the rest of her life...and she is devastated, and I feel like the worst guy in the world, so this new problem is taking my mind away from all that pain of losing my girl of 3 years...So there it is, another secret for you guys...just be incredibly stupid, do something you regret so much you can't even stand it...well ok I don't recommend that...better go with my first idea...be well, take care...Michael Link to comment
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