InaDaze87 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 I havent been on here in a couple months so i need to give you guys a quick run-down. Ok..my ex and I started having some problems back in august of last year. She moved 2 hours away to start law school while i stayed to finish up my undergrad. Anyway she started to get distant and overwhelmed by school which eventually lead to us having a mildly bad break-up. We went through about 2 months of resentment, blaming, talking, not talking, and confusion about how we felt about each other. We finally got to the point were we could admit we both messed up on things, apologized and decided that we should start over the entire thing and try to be "friends" but we weren't getting back together even though we still care deeply for each other. Mainly because i think we are both afraid of it not working out again and hurting each other, plus we are trying to focus more on ourselves, education, and careers(i plan to attend physical therapy school). Since Christmas break we actually got the chance to talk more often and even see each other a couple times. She has expressed/hinted that she misses me and wants to spend a weekend with her on a few occasions but i didnt really respond cause i still wasnt comfortable. But she always makes a point to say that it doesnt mean we are getting back together or she doesnt want to get my hopes up...in which i respond that its always been understood since we made the decision the first time. Anyhow, I got a couple tickets to a live comedy show in new orleans this weekend and invited her to come. She accepted but made another point to say that no matter what happens this weekend it doesnt mean we will get back together. Again I respond that I thought this was already understood. Now im starting to second guess my decision to invite her cause i have no idea how it will turn out. Even though we have both expressed how much we wish things could be different and hope for the best, i realized that this weekend could very well make things worse. Did i make the right decision by asking her to come with me?? Link to comment
22n32 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Why would it make it worse?? Link to comment
pennyloafer2 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Try to have fun and if you feel uncomfortable don't spend the whole weekend with her. Go off and do your own separate things in New Orelans. If you're having a good time do stuff together. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 I would consider if you are both flying to New Orleans that you get separate rooms to take it slow. Spend the time together, but don't have an instant fling to give you guys a chance to figure things out. If she set a boundary that it doesn't mean you'll get back together, then you have to protect your heart and what is in your pants, too. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Hmm, if she is adamant that she doesn't want to get back with you I would have been inclined to not spend the weekend with her. She probably misses your company, maybe misses sex but that is as far as it goes. If you can handle that then fine but if you think you may be expecting more (no matter how much you convince yourself otherwise) I'm not sure it is a good idea. If you do go ahead with it then you need to keep it purely platonic. Anything else will just confuse you and eventually hurt you. Don't let yourself be drawn into something that could hold you back emotionally, forever hopeful that it may mean something more than it ever will. Also if there is still a little bit of doubt as to how she feels about you then it may help not be so eager to jump into bed with her or to spend time with her. If she knows you are there for her at her beck and call she won't ever know what it is like to really have lost you. She needs time and space away from you to be able to figure out what she truly wants and whether she really misses YOU. Becoming FWBs does nothing but confuse matters and puts a hold on any kind of development whether it be relationship wise or moving on. Link to comment
Robin2904 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Just be careful- I just spent a weekend with my ex and it was one of the most awkward, uncomfortable and emotionally draining weekends I've ever had. As long as you are both 100 percent on the not getting back together thing- and neither of you- even in the bottom of your heart- are holding out for something more, then I think it will be okay. You BOTH have to be on the same page 100 percent. Good luck! Link to comment
InaDaze87 Posted January 20, 2011 Author Share Posted January 20, 2011 Why would it make it worse?? I mean she and I have been communicating fairly well the past couple weeks but we still have those sensitive/touchy subjects. Being around each other for a whole weekend could make things really weird or even worse we have a horrible time and decide that this whole being friends thing just isnt going to work... Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 Unless you're both on the same page, and getting back together is in the works, I can't see anything good coming out of this. Instead of thinking "in the moment," a better choice would be, "in the long run." Link to comment
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