Did I take it too far?

[piratehound]

Met this waitress. VERY attractive and likable.

 

It started simply a month ago: She brought me the wrong drink, I busted her repeatedly throughout the night. She zinged me back. It was great.

 

I go there a couple of times a week. We'd banter throughout the night, then when it was slow she'd always come over to talk to me. Pretty much light conversation, banter. "

 

So over the past month we've been talking, it's always been the same light teasing and bantering, always funny.

 

 

 

She keeps bringing up old conversations we've had, talking about how hilarious they are. I keep pulling back the more interest she shows. She told me that she's not interested in the guy she's casually seeing. Open window.

 

Anyway, the interaction was going spectacularly, we have great chemistry, and I decided to pay her a compliment. I say: "You know what I think is interesting about you..... (then I'm thinking, this might be too much, better pull out).... well I can't think of anything right now."

 

She stands up; "So i'm not interseting huh?" and walks off. She came back by, and repeated "i guess i'm just not interesting enough" and walked off again. I left.

 

Well, I didn't know how seriously she took me, until I went in 2 nights later. She ignored me the whole night. At one point she even came up to me and my friend, talked to him, and totally ignored me.

 

So when I'm about to leave, I head to the bathroom, and as I pass her I give a simple "Hi" and walk on. Well she follows me toward the bathrooms, and brings up our last conversation.

 

She's like: "Remember when you told me I wasn't interesting?" and I say: "Yea, that offended me" "it offended YOU?!" Yea, I was just about to pay you a compliment, but you didn't give me a chance, you stormed off, I rarely give compliments and I was offended that you didn't want to stick around and hear it"

 

"So do you always insult people before you give them a compliment?!?" "As a rule"

 

Anyway, we argue for about 5 minutes, standing in front of the bathroom.

 

I'm like "Yea it was a real good compliment too, but you ruined the moment, now I guess we'll never know what it was" We argue argue argue.

 

Finally she says: "I guess I'm just a waitress to you then" and storms off.

 

At the time, I felt pretty good about the interaction, but when I woke up this morning I felt kind of sick about the whole thing. The reality is, over the past month, this girl has really grown on me. I like her alot, and I'm afraid I blew all the rapport and good will we've built over a month.

 

Did I take the teasing too far? Is this recoverable?

[finallystrong]

Definitely recoverable.

 

Banter is fun in reasonable doses, not 24/7. How it even got to you saying she ruined the moment, is beyond me. I'm not quite sure how she ruined the moment, but weren't you the one who "pulled out" at the end? lol.

 

When you go back, tell her you are sorry. Tell her she is more than a waitress to you, then proceed to give her the compliment you were originally going to give her. Arguing in front of that bathroom over something as trivial as a compliment that was never given is a definite sign of stubbornness on your part. Don't be so stubborn, but also do not be a push over. Tell her you want to start over.

 

She obviously likes you, so make your move before it's too late.

[DN]

I think you do owe her an apology. Tell her you really like her, got nervous about asking her out and really regret blowing it. Say that you would like to make it up to her by buying her dinner.

[ForumGuy]

If she likes you enough to follow you around and spend time arguing with you.....she likes you. Let her know you like her and that she is "more than just a waitress".

[DN]

Let us know what happens - I would get to see her at the first opportunity.

[PaintWithLight]

Where is the gamesmanship bro???? Of course, it is recoverable. You already blew off one chance. She gave you the open window to make peace but instead, you cranked the tension up another notch by acting like the offended party. That was not only a huge mistake but untrue. You made a lame comment which had unintentional consequences and instead of manning up and apologizing you spun it around on her to save face. What was up with that? How did such a promising start go so wrong? Let me break it down:

 

1) great start with the bantering and laughs. She shows definite interest as well but you two are still playing the cat and mouse game. No one has laid their cards on the table. PASS

 

2) You decide to pay her a compliment and open yourself up and take a risk. But you punk out at the last moment and turn the compliment into a lame, wry comment that makes her feel like you suckered her. FAIL

 

3) She makes it clear that she was bothered by what you said and makes an idiot of herself with her little anger games. You directly confronts you about it and you flip it that SHE is the one who is wrong. You both retrench your positions and you have made your situation worse. FAIL

 

Why did you not say what you told us? You: I am sorry I offended you. I was going to tell you that I look forward to seeing you when I come in but at the last minute, I was worried that it would sound inappropriate. My mind froze and I could not think of how to recover and I left the compliment hanging. It was never my intention to indicate that you are not interesting to me. In fact that is FAR from the truth, please forgive me. MASSIVE WIN followed by incredible sex later that night.

 

The problem with bantering and wry humor is that it can offend or irritate when the other person is trying to get real. Go back and be honest with her, she will respect you and no doubt forgive you. Good luck.

[countach360]

in my present situation, i'm hoping the same applies to me. and by same, i mean that if a girl likes a guy enough, the road to getting a second chance or to make up for a bad line is almost always there. girls are human too, so they're usually pretty cool about us guys not being perfect as long as we just be ourselves and show some confidence, at least at some point.

[piratehound]

Can I be certain that she was attracted to me just because she followed and griped at me?

 

She's actualy a really proud girl, never have I seen her be emotional or bothered. She flicks guys off regularly.

 

If she was interested what are the chances I blew all interest by not taking her seriously?

[DN]

Can I be certain that she was attracted to me just because she followed and griped at me?

 

She's actualy a really proud girl, never have I seen her be emotional or bothered. She flicks guys off regularly.

 

If she was interested what are the chances I blew all interest by not taking her seriously?

Fairly high - but the only way to retrieve it is to apologise and ask her out. I am surprised you have not yet done so.

[PaintWithLight]

Do not let fear be your master. You are looking for some kind of assurance before you make a move. Quit hiding behind the banter and quick comebacks. Or are you saying, you will only make a play for her if she is already interested in you? Get your game going!! You are keen on her so just be open with her. Tell her you were an idiot and would like to spend some time with her. If she is a stunner, maybe you are worried that having her accept is your worst fear. Now you have to be charming and reaffirm that it was a good choice for her. Show up with a liter of the "wrong drink" that she served you. Make her laugh, make her smile. Why are you so afraid? She practically asked you to apologize and you had to one up her and tell her she was the one with the problem. Maybe you feel you are not ready for a girl of this calibre?

[piratehound]

Geez... well yea... everything you said pretty much hit home. I AM afraid that things would go to the next level. And I DO think that her caliber exceeds my own.

 

But at the same time, i can't "apologize" in the conventional sense. If I do that, I'll look pathetic, like I need her approval. Isn't there a better way?

[cbear2486]

Geez... well yea... everything you said pretty much hit home. I AM afraid that things would go to the next level. And I DO think that her caliber exceeds my own.

 

But at the same time, i can't "apologize" in the conventional sense. If I do that, I'll look pathetic, like I need her approval. Isn't there a better way?

 

Apologizing won't make you look pathetic. It'll show her that you care enough about her feelings and that you didn't mean to offend her in any way. If you really want this girl, than I think an apology is necessary...don't let your ego get in the way of you developing something more with her. She's definitely interested in you if she's been talking to you for so long and then following you around and arguing with you over something that you said that bothered her...if she didn't like you than she wouldn't have put in that much effort to prove to you that you were the one who was wrong in the situation. Go back, say sorry and then ask her out to dinner. It's not as complicated as you're making it out to be. Good luck!

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Apologizing won't make you look pathetic. It'll show her that you care enough about her feelings and that you didn't mean to offend her in any way. If you really want this girl, than I think an apology is necessary...don't let your ego get in the way of you developing something more with her. She's definitely interested in you if she's been talking to you for so long and then following you around and arguing with you over something that you said that bothered her...if she didn't like you than she wouldn't have put in that much effort to prove to you that you were the one who was wrong in the situation. Go back, say sorry and then ask her out to dinner. It's not as complicated as you're making it out to be. Good luck!

 

I agree. In fact genuine, down-to-earth, kind, compassionate people have more respect for someone who apologizes for wrong-doing because it shows that the wrong-doer is not afraid to own up to a mistake. People who don't apologize for wrong-doing because they see it as showing weakness, are often the ones who take advantage and disrespect those who apologize for wrong-doing. In other words, they won't apologize because they know how they themselves treat others who have apologized to them. Which camp are you in...if someone apologizes to you, do you think they are weak and therefore disrespect them for it, or do you appreciate their apology and recognize that it takes a strong, confident person to acknowledge wrong doing. Which person do you want to be...someone who is weak and can't apologize when you hurt someone...or someone who is strong and confident and can acknowledge mistakes and make amends?

[savignon]

I agree that telling her she ruined the moment was a bonehead move and she deserves an apology if you want to move forward. Think of it from her point of view....would you want to date a guy who couldn't take any responsibility for what he says out of fear for making him look weak so would instead twist everything around to make it your fault when its not? In that case maybe she is out of your league or could do better.....??

This would be easy to recover if you could man-up, apologize and ask her out. If you want to find a "better way" than being honest and hiding behind your jokes then let her find a guy who CAN give her a compliment and take responsibility when he hurts her feelings.