Ladies - dating a 28 yr old beginner in the bedroom

[wsim]

There will be some girls that consider this a turnoff. Regardless, those that are worth your time are perfectly okay with it. I'm in my mid 20s and inexperienced.... sometimes worry about the whole thing, but you can't change your past and everyone has their own reasons. For a lot of guys, it is not by choice and they should not be blamed/ridiculed for their current situation. Is it really our fault? Seriously, many of us want the first time to be a special moment with the right person, rather than just banging girls that are extremely easy, drunk or having to pay for sex. It never happened for me because of the above, not because of religious reasons or choice.

 

It is a shame that some girls will automatically dismiss a guy just because they found out he is a virgin in his late 20s but a great person otherwise. But you have to accept that and move on.

[Squiggy]

I personally would be really, incredibly excited to blow his mind.

 

And yes - I would really appreciate being told. There's nothing sexier than showing someone your favourite moves

 

i like the way you think!! my first gf was like that and oh man did she ever give me her favourite moves. i had to learn quick and had to do it fast.

[-John-]

I'm 25 and totally inexperienced. Never done anything with a girl.

 

Now I know modern Western culture frowns upon that. But whatever. I don't really care what the prevailing cultural opinions are most of the time.

 

If I met a girl who found it a "turn-off" that I am totally inexperienced, that's not the kind of girl I would want to date anyway.

[LightbulbSun]

If I met a girl who found it a "turn-off" that I am totally inexperienced, that's not the kind of girl I would want to date anyway.

 

Exactly, and that's why it should be a "non issue." Being a virgin at any age is not "wrong."

 

If it is an issue, it's an issue for her and it just means you're sexually incompatible.

[anon_a_mouse]

You've had sex 2 times. That's a whole lot better than 0 times.

 

For some weird reasons most ladies prefer expereinced men. A virgin at 30 may as well be a vrigin at 80. You are not a virgin and don't act like one.

 

I disagree. I think if you find someone who you like for whoever they are and vice versa - virginity or non-virginity should not be an issue....they should be about accepting and liking you for who you are in that moment, not looking back through time to before...

[LightbulbSun]

I disagree. I think if you find someone who you like for whoever they are and vice versa - virginity or non-virginity should not be an issue....they should be about accepting and liking you for who you are in that moment, not looking back through time to before...

 

Yes, and that's why sexual history shouldn't be important.

 

If someone asked me how many partners I've had, I would say, "Why does it matter? I'm with you now!"

[SA_Guy99]

There is never an instance in life when you should announce that you don't know what you're doing, or that you're worried that you don't know what you're doing. Just let nature do its work. If the chemistry is there, any initial awkwardness or fumbling will disappear quickly, in my opinion. People figure it out when they're sixteen, so I think you can probably figure it out, too. Amount of experience doesn't mean much.

 

Yes teenagers figure it out, but when you're that young, you know you're experimenting and learning about it as you go. When you're in your mid-late 20s (or older), it's a social stigma to not have figured it out back when pretty much everybody you know did.

 

Yes, and that's why sexual history shouldn't be important.

 

If someone asked me how many partners I've had, I would say, "Why does it matter? I'm with you now!"

 

I understand your point, but I don't fully agree. Sexual history is important. Honestly, I don't want to have sex or a relationship with a girl who has a long history of casual sex.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Originally Posted by LightbulbSun

Yes, and that's why sexual history shouldn't be important.

 

If someone asked me how many partners I've had, I would say, "Why does it matter? I'm with you now!"

I understand your point, but I don't fully agree. Sexual history is important. Honestly, I don't want to have sex or a relationship with a girl who has a long history of casual sex.

I don't think he was talking about a promiscuous woman, more about embarassment some virgin men may (unecessarily) feel.

 

Understand how you feel about such a woman, but ask yourself:

is a woman's sexual history really a dealbreaker for you?

 

Not talking about a woman whose openly promiscuous, but a woman who had "matured" and stopped doing that years ago.

You dated her and fell in love with her.

 

Only later you learn about her past, which she (trembling) tells you when you're talking about dating exclusively or getting engaged.

 

What's more impotant?

Your love for this woman? Or the thought of things she did in her past (before she met you)?

[SA_Guy99]

I know he wasn't talking about promiscuous women. That was just my example of why I think sexual history is important. If a woman asks a guy how many partners he has had, it is just as possible that she won't want him if he's had numerous partners. Just because a male virgin (which I am at 26 years old) is embarrassed doesn't mean he should make the excuse that sexual history is not important in order to avoid answering the question.

 

As for your last question, it depends on why she was promiscuous. If it was a short phase in her young life, I could deal with that. If she enjoyed a promiscuous life because she chose to have sex with a lot of random men outside a relationship, it would at least make me think twice about how I feel about her.

[ClarenceRutherford]

I know he wasn't talking about promiscuous women. That was just my example of why I think sexual history is important. If a woman asks a guy how many partners he has had, it is just as possible that she won't want him if he's had numerous partners. Just because a male virgin (which I am at 26 years old) is embarrassed doesn't mean he should make the excuse that sexual history is not important in order to avoid answering the question.

 

As for your last question, it depends on why she was promiscuous. If it was a short phase in her young life, I could deal with that. If she enjoyed a promiscuous life because she chose to have sex with a lot of random men outside a relationship, it would at least make me think twice about how I feel about her.

Yeah, I see what you're saying. TBH, I didn't want to go out with promsicuous women.

I didn't marry one either.

 

This isn't you, but once you get into your 40s, some things become less important and finding someone you love and who loves you is a bigger deal.

 

Forgiveness and understanding come into play, which is what I was really getting at.

 

Some guys (not you) have posted here how they're proud they're remained virgins into their 40s (like they deserve some kind of medal??) then lash out at promiscious women.... My first post had me going after one of those.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Originally Posted by iwishiknew

 

I'm 32 and still a virgin..I know it would be a major turn off for a lot of girls.

Do you know that for a fact? maybe some would but some wouldn't..

That's a good point, anonamoose.

 

Women virgins in their mid-late 20s and early 30s often feel intimidated as well, and fear a guy will think they're "weird" if they haven't had sex with a guy yet...

 

 

It's an irrational fear.

 

Just like some guys who are scared a woman will laugh at him if the girl finds out he's a virgin or very inexperienced

Virgin Poll...Who's still a virgin?

 

Wasn't that experienced in my late 20s either, (only had sex a little in HS and 2X 19-30 and didn't really know much about sex or girls.

 

 

Not all girls... I would not find it a turn off.

There you have a woman's perspective. Thanks, sweetpea.

 

Never had a woman try to intimidate me for my supposed lack of experience.

Quite the other way around.

A 30 y.o. virgin I dated at 26, when she asked me my experience and I answered honestly, she literally came to tears. But that's another story I've ranted on about in other threads.

Needless to say, she wasn't very mature or understanding that people have pasts.

I wouldn't have gotten upset if she told me she wasn't a virgin....

Yes, I wanted a one in my early 20s, but virginity isn't as common as you get into your late 20s and 30s, but still, as I dated one, you can find them.... so gotta be realistic...

 

 

Most of us end up with partners of similar background, lifestyle and temperment.

Meaning, if you're a virgin or haven't had much sex, you're likely to date and fall in love with a partner who may be similar to you in that respect.

She may not be a virgin, but having sex with a former fiance years before she met you and not getting sexual with the other guys she dated ( a "reborn" virgin, which I respect), that's quite a bit diff. than a woman "sleeping around" and dropping her pants for any guy who asks...

 

A 20-something virgin woman I PM on one of these boards, she tells me of a 14 y.o. girl she knows who has sex many times (often without BC or condoms !!!).

That seems unhealthy and may set her up for a rough life later on... if we can judge her future by what she's been willing to do in the past...

[EmmaB78]

anon - I wish I could say this wouldn't bother me because I don't think it should, but honestly, it would a little. But I'm 33 and fairly experienced. My guess is that younger women would be much less put off by this. It wouldn't be that I would be worried you'd suck in bed (doesn't take all that much once people get a feel for each other); it would be the fear that you'd eventually want more experience. I dated a guy for 4 years beginning when I was 25 and he was 24; he was a virgin when we met, and I was always thinking, "This guy is eventually going to want to see what he's missed."

[EmmaB78]

Wait - actually anon, I changed my mind! I just remembered that a couple of years ago I was completely enamoured of this guy friend of mine. Because we were such close friends, he confided in me that, at 27, he'd only had sex one time. I didn't care at all. So I guess it depends on how long you've known her/how close you are.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Emma,

Good you changed your mind.

 

If a woman really loved and cared for a guy, would she really think less of him bec. he didn't have sex with every girl he dated?

 

Some people have reservations/guilt about getting too sexual too soon, esp. in casual situations (I was like that).

In LTRs, ML feels natural and the right thing to do to express your love to the other in a relationship.

 

If you looked at those other threads, you'll see how some of these inexperienced guys feel threatened, like they're some kind of "lesser men" bec. they haven't nailed a woman yet. I defend them and refuse to believe most women would ridicule them.

Now, I advise them not to go with Hooters Girls or the ones that have had many guys.... so they need to search for women similar to them in background, etc.

[anya1607307555]

So what if she thinks something? Either she will be mature enough to let you know how she likes things, or not. If the relationship is solid then I think she would certainly be willing to work on anything that needs improvement, as long as you are not defensive about it and open to suggestion. It doesn't have to be a big deal unless you make it one.

 

I agree, she doesn't need to know. Be attentive, responsive, relax and most importantly, have fun. Pondering your experience level should be the last thing on her mind.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Yeah, I see what you're saying. TBH, I didn't want to go out with promsicuous women.

I didn't marry one either.

This isn't you, but once you get into your 40s, some things become less important and finding someone you love and who loves you is a bigger deal.

Forgiveness and understanding come into play, which is what I was really getting at.

 

Some guys (not you) have posted here how they're proud they're remained virgins into their 40s (like they deserve some kind of medal??) then lash out at promiscious women.... My first post had me going after one of those.

Let me clarify that post a little as I can't edit it.

 

Should have said

TBH, I didn't want to go out with actively promsicuous women (in my 20s).

 

Didn't want to marry a heavy drinker/ smoker/ partier etc. either. That wasn't my lifestyle.

So my statement is more of personal preference.

 

 

As a person can fall in love with anyone, I could see dating and falling for a former promiscuous person.

What she may have done in the past before we met is of no consequence to her current actions.

 

As she's here in front of me, willing to take a chance at forming a life relationship with me, am I gonna let a woman's past prevent me from enjoying her future?

She's not with any of those other guys. What does that tell me about her?

 

Plus, her sexual past is only a part of her life. She has many other things in her life that could attract me.

A person's past is well... their past.

 

A friend of mine was a "player" who had a lot of sex with many women and drank a lot.

This was years before I knew him.

He's a completely diff. man now (people who meet him now wouldn't believe he was once like that), and married a virgin Christian woman who as I understand things, made a big enough impression on him he decided to change his lifestyle and win her love. Yes, she remained a virgin until her wedding night....

 

My statement was originally to help some of these virgin inexperienced guys who don't have a lot of self-confidence, see many of their friends having a lot sex and feel there's something "wrong" with them bec. they have a hard time getting women interested in them or haven't been fortunate enough to get into a woman's pants.....

Yes, there was some of that in my two casual sex encounters at 25.... curiosity and lust...

 

 

Not that I would throw stones at or criticize someone who had a lot of sex...

Physically, I would have liked to have had such "experience," but didn't get much opportunity or had a hard time getting women to say yes to even going out with me, or couldn't meet the right kind of woman, etc., until I turned 30....

 

And yes, when I met my future wife at 30, we did have a lot of sex. (4 mos. after we started dating).

I let go of some religious hang-ups and misperceptions I had about women and sex.

Was just glad to have someone interested in me and really felt this might be the only pleasure I might get in life I get as I didn't want to repeat my lonely and frustrating 20s in my 30s...

After all, most other women dumped me in the past. No reason to think this one wouldn't either...

 

So in my 20s, I wasn't too different from some of you never-been-kissed virgin guys in your late 20s, 30s and 40s.

 

 

 

So try not to let a woman's past keep you from enjoying her future. If you can't get over that, you might miss out on what could be a great relationship.

[ClarenceRutherford]

In defending virgins, have often said:

 

There's nothing wrong with being a virgin, and

....non-virgins aren't automatically better than virgins..

 

Could add this

 

Those who have had a lot of sex (promiscuous) aren't necessarily worse than those who haven't or "damaged goods" ...

.... those who haven't had a lot of sex aren't automatically superior to those who have...

 

 

It's all a matter of life experiences, choices and what we choose to make of our life.

 

 

Hope that makes sense.

[giubilante]

When I met my current boyfriend, I was a virgin in my mid-twenties and felt slightly awkward about my lack of experience. I was rather relieved to have him tell me (before I told him!) rather awkwardly that he was a virgin... and he is in his mid thirties. He was surprised (I think) and pleased that I was too, as he candidly said that if he knew I'd had a lot of experience he wouldn't feel as comfortable sexually with me, and also that he never thought he'd ever be involved with another virgin because people tended to be so experienced in this day and age. So, for us this has worked out WONDERFULLY. Still, when there is a big gap in number of times or number of partners the members of the couple have had, it may lead to one feeling insecure around the other.

 

But, let me tell you, following this conversation, I loved the thought of being together with my virgin boyfriend all the more because it a) made me feel all the more special and unique to him and b) I hated the thought of him being inside other women... even if they predated me. Yes, I realize that in this day and age, some may frown at a lack of experience in a partner instead because they may have to put up with awkward sex for a while. But, then again, that makes your choice to have sex with them all the more special. I think that, if your girlfriend truly cares about you, the fact you've only had sex twice before won't phase her in the least. In fact, she'll probably quite enjoy making you *ahem* rise to the occasion.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Your experience is a good one to see in threads like this.

 

giubilante , , could I interest you in posting your views in some other threads?

Some of the virgin guys who post in those threads are literally scared a woman will "laugh" at them if they discover they're "inexperienced."

 

 

Virgin Poll...Who's still a virgin?

 

 

I Finally Got an answer. (virgins)