notgivingup Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 It’s the second day since our break up and I still miss him like crazy. We were so happy and my mind constantly goes back to those happy memories that we have shared. It blows my mind that such a happy relationship can end in only one month. What happened? What changed? We were happy together. We were laughing, smiling, giggling, content staring into each other’s eyes, giving each other giggle fits, making out with each other, having fun with each other, when did that all go downhill? Maybe that was infatuation and not love? Or maybe we were so happy together because we haven’t had a chance to really get to know each other. And once you have, after I have completely let my guard down thinking that “love conquers all”, I thought that he would be there to love me, to accept me for my flaws, to forgive my mistakes no matter what, when that is not true in reality. I got so much growing up to do huh? God I wish there was a time machine. Is he missing him just as much as I miss him? I know that he still cares and loves me, but then again so do I. Why can’t love be enough to keep us together? But it doesn’t work that way, I didn’t treat him good enough and that was the last straw. Dear Hunnybear, I miss you like crazy. I miss the happy memories that we’ve shared. I miss being with you. I wish that there could be a time machine, and we could start over from the beginning. I wish that I could have trusted you and was considerate for your needs and wants. I wish that we could still be together. I am so sorry for hurting you and having things end the way that they did. I want to talk to you so badly right now. I just want you back, but I know that it is too late, because you will never come back to me. I know that all I could really do is to move on over you and find someone else to love. But how long is that going to take? Do you miss me as much as I miss you? Are you thinking about me as I am thinking about you right now? I would do anything to have you back into my arms, to just spend one more happy day with you, when all we care about is each other, when we are the only thing in each other’s minds. I miss looking into those eyes of yours and the happiness and love that emanates from it when you look at me. I miss tickling you and having you tickle me back. I miss being in your arms. I miss kissing you. I miss the way you make me feel (the way that only you can make me feel). I miss the effortless ways that you could make me feel like the happiest and luckiest girl in the world when I am with you, knowing that I am yours and only yours. But I will never be yours again. You were my everything, you were the best thing that has ever happened to me and now you are gone. I felt like we could work on our relationship together because love is there, but that wasn’t enough. So I guess I took you for granted and I am sorry baby. I never thought that you would ever leave me and maybe that's the problem. I am so sorry for hurting you. I should have never done that, but it is too late for that now. You are gone. Sigh. I never thought that you out of all people would hurt me baby, but you have and now I am here to suffer the consequences of it. I feel so weak and vulnerable nursing this broken heart of mines. Do you care about me still? Do you wonder how I am doing right now, whether I am doing okay, or are you just busy going on with your life and I am not even being thought of anymore? I feel so lonely, down and depressed right now, do you know that sweetie, can you feel me right now? Sugarprincess Am I going to hurt every guy who tries to love me? Every one of my relationships in the past have failed, does that mean that every single one of my relationships is going to fail in the future, because I am such a bad girlfriend? Link to comment
andromeda33 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I think i may have this wrong, but the way i understand it you were only dating for a month? if thats the case you should be able to get over him much quicker. But not treating people good is what will push them away. My boyfriend who just broke up with me treated me like i didnt mean much to him (when i really did) and it really pushed me away, but i am the type who accepts most things so i constantly accepted the way i was being treated because i loved him. But i guess all in all love might not always be enough to keep people together, there are a lot of factors Link to comment
ToF Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 If your relationship was so perfect, then why did you end it? Link to comment
notgivingup Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 Hi Andromeda33, I do not think that it will take me less time to get over him because we have been officially dating for slightly over a month. I had and still do have strong feelings for him and it takes me a while to move on from a relationship. I do understand how not treating someone good is enough to push them away (because it shows that I do not care about them even though I do). I guess I wanted to see how far I could go to push them away at the time without thinking about the consequences of my actions. I thought that nothing I could do could push him away from me because that is the power of love, but I was wrong. I know there is nothing I could do to get him back and I have to learrn from my mistakes if I want to succeed in my relationships from now on. Notgivingup I think i may have this wrong, but the way i understand it you were only dating for a month? if thats the case you should be able to get over him much quicker. But not treating people good is what will push them away. My boyfriend who just broke up with me treated me like i didnt mean much to him (when i really did) and it really pushed me away, but i am the type who accepts most things so i constantly accepted the way i was being treated because i loved him. But i guess all in all love might not always be enough to keep people together, there are a lot of factors Link to comment
notgivingup Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 HI ToF, That is just it. My relationship with him WAS NOT perfect. It was in the beginning because we were happy together and we were just getting to know each other. But then things started going downhill when we learn more about each other and conflicts started popping up here and there, on both sides for different reasons. Things started going downhill as more flaws and imperfections popped up especially on my end. I guess he just got fed up with me and decided that he could do better than me. Which I can't exactly blame him for. I didn't end things he did. Notgivingup If your relationship was so perfect, then why did you end it? Link to comment
ToF Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 So he ended it or you did? What issues do you need to work out for yourself, that contributed to the failure of the relationship? I would focus on those before you attempt to reconcile with him, or try to start something with anyone else for that matter. Link to comment
Karma20 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I don't mean to be rude or downplay your relationship but how can you really know someone in a month? Don't put yourself down and think he can do better than you. You said yourself you were getting to know each other more and things started going down hill. The honeymoon phase of your relationship ended (which I thought usually lasted more than a month) and it was obvious to him that you two were not right for each other. Link to comment
notgivingup Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 Hi ToF, He did. Thanks for the advice. Issues that I need to work on include: 1. Giving him the space, time and solitude that he needs 2. Depend on other people in my support group as well 3. Be more trusting of him and his love for me 4. Be a more patient person 5. Believe that I am on his mind when I am out of his sight 6. Stop having unrealistic expectations 7. Work on my communication skills with him 8. Be a better and mature girlfriend 9. Be a better listener 10. Be someone he can rely and depend on 11. Be more considerate of his needs, wants and desires 12. Create both an emotional and mental connection before engaging in sex or sexual acts 13. Know that love is not enough to keep a couple together; there are other factors and apply it 14. Be more mature in dealing with my relationships 15. Do not overreact, over-analyze, over-think, over-worry, second guess things 16. Do not create drama where there is none There is more where that comes from. I am not going to get myself involved in any kind of relationship anytime soon. I have learned from this experience that I have a lot of growing up to do and I am not mature enough to be in a relationship. I have basically given up on relationships as of this point in time. I am not going to date anyone from this point forward and just work on myself. I believe that is the best thing that I could do for myself and anyone else I might date in the future. Notgivingup So he ended it or you did? What issues do you need to work out for yourself, that contributed to the failure of the relationship? I would focus on those before you attempt to reconcile with him, or try to start something with anyone else for that matter. Link to comment
Karma20 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Honestly it takes a mature person to realize that they aren't mature enough to be in a relationship yet. So stop putting yourself down so much. Link to comment
ToF Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 That's all really good, but they all pertain to him specifically. Keep in mind that if you try to make these changes for him, it won't work. Do it for yourself, or don't do it at all. You have to try to move on under the assumption that nothing you do will make him come back. Then if he doesn't, you'll be okay and better prepared for the next amazing guy that comes along. Link to comment
notgivingup Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 Hi Karma20, You are right, you do not know someone in just a month. And you are right, I made a mistake in expecting more than he can give me, when we did not even know each other that well. You are also right in that the honeymoon phase of any relationship should last more than a month, the reason why our honeymoon phase did not last more than a month was because I took the relationship way too seriously at the beginning and was kind of forcing things along, which led to the break up of our relationship that much sooner. Because he saw our relationship as "all work and no fun" after merely one month. We were not right for each other because in his mind I deserve to have a boyfriend who thinks of me as his first priority, that does not need space, that have a similar lifestyle to mines etc. I think me being his rebound after a 4 and a 1/2 relationship was another factor that led to our break up. He did not expect to fall in love with me and when he did, he just jumped into the relationship, when really he was "too fresh" out of that last relationship with his ex girlfriend. We both made our share of mistakes. Notgivingup I don't mean to be rude or downplay your relationship but how can you really know someone in a month? Don't put yourself down and think he can do better than you. You said yourself you were getting to know each other more and things started going down hill. The honeymoon phase of your relationship ended (which I thought usually lasted more than a month) and it was obvious to him that you two were not right for each other. Link to comment
notgivingup Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 Hi ToF, Thanks for the advice. Even though all of the changes pertain to him, I am doing all this for myself. Every single changes pertain to him is because I wrote most of the list when I was still together with him and was too lazy to edit that list now that I am broken up with him for this post. I believe that if I am able to make these changes for myself, I will be that much more successful in my next relationship. I have fully accepted the fact that he WILL NOT come back to me and is not entertaining those thoughts at all. I am not going to give myself false hope. I really appreciate your reply to my posts. Notgivingup That's all really good, but they all pertain to him specifically. Keep in mind that if you try to make these changes for him, it won't work. Do it for yourself, or don't do it at all. You have to try to move on under the assumption that nothing you do will make him come back. Then if he doesn't, you'll be okay and better prepared for the next amazing guy that comes along. Link to comment
Karma20 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Oh the dreaded rebound relationship. Honestly no matter what you did or how you were usually rebounds don't last. Be lucky that it only lasted a month, I had a friend who was with a guy for 6 months and he turned around and told I still love my ex and need to try and get her back. He also said he doesn't think he meant a lot of what he said to, he cared for her but never loved her. The next time you meet someone fresh out of a relationship, run! Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I would just try to pace yourself in future... and remember that true love takes time to build and grow... in the beginning of a relationship, you barely know the person at all and may just be in love with the idea of romance. It takes a good six months to a year to even begin to think you really know a person. Also, in the beginning, you may only go on one date a week, text once or twice a week to make plans, but that's it! If you immediately expect to live in each other's pockets, he may feel smothered or like you are really rushing things because you are in love with romance and not him personally. It's scary if you hardly know a person and they are making all kinds of demands on you to act as if your love is permanent, or even that it is love at all! Link to comment
notgivingup Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 Hi Karma20, Thank you for your advice. I thought that six months was enough time for him to get into another relationship with me, to think that I was not a rebound, that he is in a relationship with me because he didn't expect to fall in love but did. I guess I did not know the time frame for someone to be "too fresh" out of a relationship, whether it be a short term or a long term relationship. Is there a certain time frame to know if someone is really over their ex, whether it be a short term or a long term relationship? How do you know for sure you are not anyone's rebound? Notgivingup Oh the dreaded rebound relationship. Honestly no matter what you did or how you were usually rebounds don't last. Be lucky that it only lasted a month, I had a friend who was with a guy for 6 months and he turned around and told I still love my ex and need to try and get her back. He also said he doesn't think he meant a lot of what he said to, he cared for her but never loved her. The next time you meet someone fresh out of a relationship, run! Link to comment
notgivingup Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 Hi Lavenderdove, Thank you for your advice. I will definitely pace myself in the future. I am going to focus on myself right now and will not date anyone any time soon. I am thinking that I am going to focus on myself for the next year or two until I start dating again. You are right, true love does take time to build and grow, my ex was probably just infatuated with me and was throwing the word love around too loosely. I know now that I was having unrealistic expectations of him because I expected and demanded too much from him in the beginning of the relationship and because I naively believed that his love for me is permanent when he never really felt true love for me in the first place. I mean shouldn't true love be unconditional? I mean look at the bible verse: 1Corinthians 13: 4-7 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. It is obvious to me that my ex never felt that way for me. Notgivingup Link to comment
Karma20 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Hi Karma20, Thank you for your advice. I thought that six months was enough time for him to get into another relationship with me, to think that I was not a rebound, that he is in a relationship with me because he didn't expect to fall in love but did. I guess I did not know the time frame for someone to be "too fresh" out of a relationship, whether it be a short term or a long term relationship. Is there a certain time frame to know if someone is really over their ex, whether it be a short term or a long term relationship? How do you know for sure you are not anyone's rebound? Notgivingup Everyone moves on at different rates. The thing is some people suppress their feelings and think they are over someone and then they meet someone new and then they realize how much they miss their ex. It can happen at any given time. It depends on the love he felt for his ex. If you meet someone right after a breakup like with a month or two, you will probably be their rebound. After that, it all depends on how long they were together? Why they broke up? Do they still talk? I would think 6 months wouldn't be too fresh out of a breakup but again depends how long he was with his ex, how much he felt for her and if you were the first relationship after the breakup Link to comment
notgivingup Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 Hi Karma20, Thanks for replying to my post. Yes, I know that people move on at different rates, and that was why I gave him the benefit of the doubt and believed that he was over his ex. Back to your questions. They were together for 4 and a 1/2 years, he was ready to marry her, until she broke up with him. They were high school sweethearts, she broke up with him because she is moving away to college and does not think their relationship could work as a long distance relationship. She was the only other girl that he has ever loved (other than me assuming he really did or still loves me). They are still friends with each other, and she got a boyfriend before he got together with me, so that was one of the reasons why we got together so soon (barely six months after his last relationship). I guess since guy care about their pride and ego so much, he didn't want to feel like she moved on and got into another relationship before I did, and it was his way of getting back at her or something. I know that he was really hurt after she broke his heart and maybe he did not have enough time to heal after that relationship before he got together with me. And yes I was the first relationship after that last one. Notgivingup Everyone moves on at different rates. The thing is some people suppress their feelings and think they are over someone and then they meet someone new and then they realize how much they miss their ex. It can happen at any given time. It depends on the love he felt for his ex. If you meet someone right after a breakup like with a month or two, you will probably be their rebound. After that, it all depends on how long they were together? Why they broke up? Do they still talk? I would think 6 months wouldn't be too fresh out of a breakup but again depends how long he was with his ex, how much he felt for her and if you were the first relationship after the breakup Link to comment
dean kaplan Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Am I going to hurt every guy who tries to love me? Every one of my relationships in the past have failed, does that mean that every single one of my relationships is going to fail in the future, because I am such a bad girlfriend? Can't answer the first question, but I think your second question is a little irrational. Most people that are married or in long term relationships have had numerous previous relationships... Relationships that, in your terms, "failed." In the grand scheme of things, they were opportunities to learn that helped them know what they now know that contributes to their current relationship. If you look at it from that perspective, I don't think you'd be so hard on yourself for being in "failed" relationships. Even though they hurt when they end, you can learn so much from them. Link to comment
notgivingup Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 Hi dean kaplan, Thanks for replying to my post. I agree with you, thank you for showing me the light at the end of the tunnel. I did learn a lot from this and my past relationships, I just hope that I will be able to change and improve myself and be able to apply that changes the next time I am in a serious relationship with someone. The best thing that I could do right now is to focus on myself and think positively, to think that I will succeed in my next relationship when the time is right, when the right guy comes along. Notgivingup Can't answer the first question, but I think your second question is a little irrational. Most people that are married or in long term relationships have had numerous previous relationships... Relationships that, in your terms, "failed." In the grand scheme of things, they were opportunities to learn that helped them know what they now know that contributes to their current relationship. If you look at it from that perspective, I don't think you'd be so hard on yourself for being in "failed" relationships. Even though they hurt when they end, you can learn so much from them. Link to comment
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