reborn Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 I have gone through this before. Im on my 4th breakup with my ex. But the worst feeling in the world is having feelings for someone who no longer wants to be with you, hang out with you, see you or call you. It happened suddenly, I was not expecting it. I feel lots of pain, and though I wont do anything stupid the impotence is so much that I just wish I was dead in order not to feel this. Help me cope please. I miss him and want to move to his city and do anything posible to make it work again, but I know he has blocked me out and that there is absoultely nothing I can do to change it. I think of him every day, all the time. Pleople are getting sick of me, and there is nothing I can do to change his mind and make him love me. Help me please Link to comment
sveta Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 I am sorry for you, I am going through a lot of heart pain myself. I do not how to cope with it. People say time cures, but when every minute draggs infefinetely, it is horrible. May be you could change your rutine and go for a vacation or be with your family, I do not know. You and I and many other have to experience this... I am sorry for the spontaneous answer, but I just want to say you are not alone.. Link to comment
zaxxon Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 I am going through that myself only a small difference. You see I have a woman doing it to me. The offer to talk stands my profile contains my email. I think we can get through this with the same problem from two sides. I was engaged to her, but I was unemployed and school was stealing money fast. I had a brother tell me there was a job in california. In order to start a life for us I flew 3000 miles away and she got close to another. I couldn't handle the distance after a few months and spent every cent on a bus home. This is two weeks ago. I tried to win her back and I couldn't. I thought the always mine was true. I lost everything I own and tried to start over. Starting over based around her as a friend. It was beautiful again we played and laughed again till one day the new man wasn't there. To make it simple I had sex with her again now she is scared to be friends. Sorry for the length, but this isn't even half the story Link to comment
AngelWater Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 Reborn, I know what you are going through and something that I can say really helps is coming to this site. I just found it on Tuesday before my breakup actually happened, and I liked it. Now that my break up has happened, (on Thursday night), I love this. I truly don't know what I would do without all of the wonderful, supportive people here. I hope we can make a difference to you, just like you all are making a difference to me. I actually came on here crying yesterday and after reading the pain and sorrow that so many others are going through, I didn't feel so alone. After reading all the positive things people who have been here but overcome it, I realized I too can get through it. Reborn, or anyone else for that matter, if you need someone to talk PM me...or continue to write and come on this....all day if you have to for the next weeks or months to come. I know that together, we can get through this and will come out on the other side as stronger, better people. Link to comment
Music for the soul Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 My boyfriend of 1 year and 8 months, just recently broke up with me. He is my first love, the first person i trusted, the first everything. He means everything to me. I miss him so much, even though we talk everyday, I want to be with him SOOOO much, but he isn't "inlove" with me anymore. He wants to remain my friend, but i don't know how to handle it. The reason he fell out of love with me is because i was to needy. I realised this, and tried to change, but by that time it was to late. I want to be able to leave him alone for a week, and not see him, or talk to him, and just try to give him space. But i am not that strong, I do not have many people in my life, unlike him, he has so many people surrounding him. I cannot stop crying, whenever i think about him (which is all the time) i want to pick up the phone and call him, though i don't know what that would do. THe pain in my heart feels like part of me has died I just don't know what to do Link to comment
drydupfob Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 Music for the soul sorry to hear about ur lose... I dont think talking to ur ex everyday is helping you with the situation at all.... it obviously hearts you when u see him or talk to him, but at the same time you feel the need to call or see him everday. I'v been there before and trust me i wish i could have just stuck it out and kept no contact with my ex...... Just tell him to not call u and you not call him anymore..... Your heart needs time to heal..... and trust me after a couple of days of not talking to ur ex you'll feel sooo much better...... time heals all wounds, but it can't heal if you keep hanging out with him..... pm me if you need anything gl..... I hope you get through this ... Link to comment
AngelWater Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 Music for the soul, You said: The reason he fell out of love with me is because i was to needy. I realised this, and tried to change, but by that time it was to late. You have to realize what you have said. You tried to change. Was it for him? Probably. Was it not to lose him and to try to hold on to the relationship? Most definitely yes. YOu need to want these changes for yourself. You need to strive to make yourself a better person. Also, whatever happened was not all of your fault, a relationship is about TWO people, not just one. I know what you are saying about how neediness can poision a relationship. This happened to mine also. I also tried to change...MANY times...but for the wrong reasons...for him....to keep him.....to have the relationship. Now I have come to realize that yes.....not just one, but many things I did in the relationship were unhealthy and did contribute to my breakup, but so did things he did. However, I can only focus on what I did and how I can improve myself as a human being. I have realized that if I don't change these negative patterns in my life and I don't take full control and responsibility of MY SELF, all of my relationships will be doomed. They will be great and work out for so long, but they will never, ever reach their full potential. And by relationships I mean with everyone. Friends, family, lovers, etc. I turned into a needy, insecure, volatile person. Someone I did not want to be. I have two choices, and so do you. You can feel sorry for yourself and blame yourself how everything was your fault. You can be destructive and never move on......or..... You can take full responsibity of your half of the problems that contributed to the end of the relationship, stand up and decide that you want to change yourself for YOU, for YOUR future, and to improve, YOUR life. Which person do you want to be? Link to comment
Music for the soul Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 the only problem is, that he is my best friend, he still cares for me, just not the way i want, and he still wants to be a part of my life, and i want to be a part of my life. I am hoping that after a bit he will relax, and hopefull we can continue. are my hopes false, should i just move on Link to comment
ReneinDC Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 the only problem is, that he is my best friend, he still cares for me, just not the way i want, and he still wants to be a part of my life, and i want to be a part of my life. I am hoping that after a bit he will relax, and hopefull we can continue. are my hopes false, should i just move on Hi there.. yes it is false hope TRUST me. I was the "best friend" of my ex only to keep him in my life while suffering in silence and he dropped the bomb on me sunday that he wanted me in his life but only as his best friend and nothing more so I ended things. Unless you are into emotional masochism then u need to let him go. It wont be easy by a long shot and u will miss him like crazy but u will mend. When you stop seeing him as a lover/romantic interest.. only then can a friendship work. Link to comment
AngelWater Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 Believe me music for the soul, I do indeed understand. My guy, I still can't even bear to use the other word....well he feels that he needs to go through personal changes, just as I feel I need to....he said he wants us to go through these changes together.....just not as a couple....as friends. I know how you feel. You want to cut of all contact to make it easier on yourself, yet you still want to take a chance...you want there to be hope. Only you can decide if you are willing to risk it all and get hurt again. It is 50/50 either way, but you have to prepare yourself for the outcome...either way. What I am talking about focusing on yourself, this still can be done, even if you decide you want/need him in your life. Instead of putting all the focus on him and your friendship/relatioship with him, the focus has to be on yourself. Bettering yourself, loving yourself, and accpeting yourself. By the time you feel so amazing and love the person you are, you won't care if you are with him or not. I keep on crying and getting sad on and off all day long...I was crying because I saw the toothpaste in our sink..(it's his favourite kind that we used to use.) I mean I cry opening the cupboards and I see nuts that we bought last week at the market. I KNOW it is difficult. You just have to try and be true to yourself as cliche as that sounds and fight for yourself to pull yourself together. You have to try to take your own advice if you were telling this to a friend. It is hard, but in the end, you will know why it happened...at least that's what I am telling myself to try and feel better. Link to comment
Music for the soul Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 We are not intimate anymore That's why I would like to leave things for a week, and then see how things go. Sean is the type of guy, who usually doesn't know what his own feelings are, I think he is confused, so i am hoping that with the time away, he can really think about what he wants, and I can really think about what I want. I think that is the best thng to do right now. My birthday is in a week, and i still want him to come, so i think it will be a good thing for us to just have our time apart, then spend that night happy, and we can decide then, what is best for us, weither that be together, apart, or friends. Link to comment
kekep Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 i'm sorry you are feeling this way, music. break-ups are painful; they're right up there with car wrecks and menstrual cramps in terms of suckiness. but i have to tell you, i think the part of you that wants to die is the part that still loves him, not the whole you! i mean, i know you're not going to kill yourself, i'm not trying to imply you're suicidal. i just want to tell you there's light at the end of the tunnel, ya know? "the idiot who doesn't deserve me anyway," as i like to refer to my ex, dumped me 6 days ago and seriously, i wanted to die. he's my best friend, lover, confidante, yada yada yada, all the good stuff. but, obviously, something in the relationship wasn't working out and it would have only dragged on and on with more problems if one of you hadn't stopped and said "ok, we need to end things" or "let's take a break" or whatever your ex said. you have to respect someone who lets you go (if it wasn't in a mean, heartless way--but let's face it, all breakups seem mean and heartless to us, especially at the time), especially if there is the possibility of friendship or even love in the future. i know life is short, and you feel right now like you have to have this person in your life right now, but i tend to feel that you have to go through a rough period, a hard time in your life, to truly know happiness in the end. anyway, sorry this was such a long tangent. just wanted to tell you that even though it's only my 6th day as a loner, and only my official 2nd day of NC (stupidly called his house Wednesday and left a message-no return phone call), and maybe i'm just being optimistic or pessimistic (depending on how you look at it), i know that i'll be okay whether or not he comes back to me, and you just have to keep telling yourself that regardless of what your heart feels at the time. ok, now i'll shutup. Link to comment
Music for the soul Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 Kekep thanks for the post it helps to know that i am not the only one going through this, and everyones comments are helping me figure out what i want to do! THANK YOU Link to comment
zaxxon Posted July 24, 2004 Share Posted July 24, 2004 I got to that position and what it came down to was I CAN be her friend. I lost a small amount of our present life by being her friend. Our future wasn't to be anymore, but it was a partial victory. Don't pass this chance. To be close made me secure again even happy at times. Then I ruined that by letting her seduce me and I've fallen again...Once from the top of the world the second time half way up. Be careful its a fragile relationship to be friends with an EX. More so if your EX has found another. MY MOST IMPORTANT ADVICE Do not let yourself think you will save your relationship with ffriendship remember to start fresh. Your old relationship is memories to bring up. If you can make a new relationship then you got props from me. Link to comment
AngelWater Posted July 24, 2004 Share Posted July 24, 2004 Hey everyone. I just need someone to listen today. I had a really rough night lastnight...no reason in particular just lots and lots of memories. Everything I do and everywhere I look are full of so much happiness. Aren't you supposed to remember all the bad times once it's over with someone and how bad they treated you?? Aren't you supposed to become angry with them and remember all the annoying things they did?? Why do I keep thinking about the times that I thought were SO bad and they really weren't?? Or how I took EVERYTHING that he did for me for granted?? I keep thinking of all the amazing times we had together and how some people never were treated how we treated eachother. (In a good way.) None of this makes sense to me. I guarantee that any one of you could post a random word and I would have a great memory to go along with it. I just keep hoping and wishing and hoping and wishing that he will realize how great we really had it and that he will come back to me. I feel so empty and alone right now, like my heart was ripped out...or at least the majority of it and I have this tiny, pathetic piece of a heart left. The hardest part is because we have a house to sell, I am not going to be able to do NC...so how am I ever going to stop feeling this way!?!?!? I just am filled with such a tremendous sadness. Yeah sure, I can go out and have fun...or even laugh, but it's all a front. I actually feel physically sick when I think about the situation. I can't eat all day...and by the time the day is half over, I realize I HAVE to eat, so I make myself eat something....then I feel even more sick than I did in the first place. I can't sleep, I am having nightmares and waking up just having a night terror. I don't think this is normal!!! I truly, more than anything really believed that I was going to marry this man and have children with him. I can't accept the fact that I'm not going to anymore. I keep holding on to a false hope that I will and that everything will be ok once he gets whatever is going on with him out of his system. I keep on telling myself that once he is away from me for a little while he will go crazy without my love. I mean, I imagined myself getting old with him and growing old with him. I actually had a vision in my head and pictured us old with our children grown up and with grandchildren. HE even talked about it. I know it is so cliche to say this and it is all supposed to get better, but how can you get on with your life, when this other person was supposed to be in your life until the day you DIE???? And we even talked about how we would still be together after we died......I remember once telling him if he died, I would never marry or be with anyone else.....so really what's the difference now?? I gave him everything I had and we had such a special bond....I just can't understand how and/or why it was broken...The sad thing is I know that it's not broken because when I see him I can tell he still wants us....but for some reason another part of him is saying no to us. I HATE THIS!!!!! Link to comment
howtodeal011 Posted July 24, 2004 Share Posted July 24, 2004 Hi everyone. I'm new to this website. It seems like a nice place to get help from many people experiencing this bad bad nightmare im going through. Please let me give you an overview of my situation. I've been with my exgf now, for almost 6 years. This week she want time away and space from me...not the type where we are still together time away, but the complete time away where we are no longer bf n gf. It is so weird to be in love with someone for so long, and with everything seeming like things are great between us, and out of nowhere she wants time away from me. I understand she has been going through a lot of bad things within the last month...losing her best friend she was going to start college with and live with, start of a new life at a new college environment alone, and then there is me. She tried her best to not tell me this, but finally knowing it hurts like no other pain. I'm so so so sad...thats an under statement. She needs time for herself to think what she needs to do, but leaves the door open that maybe if she is really ready...and that she cant live without me...then she will come back to me. I really do not know how to deal with this and anyone willing to chat online would be very helpful. My aim is "o8anaga" if I can talk to anyone going through this. I'm sure we'll be able to relate off this and possibly give each other advice and just support each other. Ok I've rambled on too long. So take care everyone...hope to talk to someone soon. Link to comment
reborn Posted July 25, 2004 Author Share Posted July 25, 2004 Thanks to everyone that has written or answered my posting. Thank you for taking the time to write and share your pain and support. It is a difficult time for us all, but we must remember that we will get through this. Thanks again your stories and postings have given me strength to go on for another day. A day at time, we will get throuh, i promise. Reborn Link to comment
Music for the soul Posted July 25, 2004 Share Posted July 25, 2004 Angelwater, i know and relate to alot of what you said, about you don't think you could do NC, and that you keep remembering the good times. When you miss someone and feel heartache, the reason you feel that way, is because your heart and mind remember the greatest times you had with that person. I cannot stop thinking about the times i had with sean. I too am hoping that after he gets through whatever it is that happened with us, he too will want that love again, i don't know weither it is false hope but i cannot stop thining about it. When i first found this site, it was because i wasbroken, i couldn't stop crying, and all i wanted was him back. After reading what everyone had to say, i sat down and wrote him a long letter, just stating all the things that happened, and why our relationship went astray. There are TWO people in a realtionship, and both sides always do something to end the relationship, all you can do, is take responsibility for what you did, learn from it, grown and become a stronger person. Before i found this website, my mind was in a whirlwind, i had all these thoughts and feelings, but they were so mixed up i didn't know what they were, or where to start, this website, and everyones words and wisdom, cleared my head, and i was finally able to write down everything that i wanted to say. Since reading that letter to him, we decided to have a week apart, NC. He needed his space, and i needed mine, we both had things to work out. Since reading this website, i no longer feel sad, i no longer cry. I miss him to death, and even though it's only the 2nd day of NC, i think about him constantly, and wonder what he's doing, but i think that is normal considering we talked and saw eachother everyday. Even though i miss him, i do not feel sad, and i am occupying myself with my friends everynight, so i am not home thinking about him, because i know as soon as that happens, i will call him. I think it is normal for you to feel the way you doand i think you need to look inside yourself, and realise what YOU mean to yourself. You are a strong person, and can get through this, you just need to find it in yourself. Link to comment
troubled times Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Its been since feb. that i have been broken up with my ex-fiance. We were engaged for a year and half and togethor for three years. I sit here now writing because i feel such a sense of hopelessness in my life. My ex-fiance tried take her life in feb. because of insecurity in our relationship. I being a RN am around many women, since the industry of course is dominated by women. To make a long story a bit shorter, she took my insulin and tried to OD. I took her to the ER and got her the help she needed but it was a long and grueling 24 hours to recovery physically. Her parents came and blamed the whole situation on me and that i was the reason for her attempt on life. I had been so suppotive to her in her recovery stages from being put in a behavioral home for a while to her moving back in with her parents. I wanted to be with her and i could not the Dr's told her to stay away from me and give it time i accepted that. Her parents told her not to ever talk to me again and if we were to get togethor again that they would dis-own her. Now to date she is now dating people and still seeing me when she wants to. We do slep with each other time to time but more often recently. I feel more that i need to talk to her and be around her and that i ma falling in the cracks of something bad.She tells me that she loves me then turns around and tells me about her date and how she likes him. I feel more like a convienance than anything.My depression and now i feel like i obsess over her. i just want to get over her and move on i am no where close to my old self which was out going and just open to the world now i dont want to go out and very unsocial. please somone talk to me.....i know that i am not alone but at the same time i do. My life is upside down. Link to comment
Music for the soul Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 I think in your situation, you need to be away from her for a while Obviously she is trying to move on, but she is pulling you along by telling you about ehr dates, and you two sleeping together. Doing this can only hurt you more that doing you good You need time to be by yourself, and find you own life again. You cannot find your own life by being dragged in to her again and again. I hope you find the strength to do this, because it's the only way to heal Link to comment
TFokazi Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 I know exactly what you mean by wanting to die, but you see he would have won in more ways than one. First he broke your heart and if you give up he would have destroyed your spirit. Please don't give up. I have just broken up with my fiancee its been a week now as much as I am hurting somethings are also happening in my life. I got myself my own place. I have just had the bank approve my finance for a car. So my aim is to show him there is life after him and I can be successful and hopefully oneday someman will want to be with me but until then I have my daughter to holdon to who is a splitting image of him and she breaks my heart everyday. But everytime she cries for him , I curse him a bit and tell myself we will both be fine. That does not mean I am not crying though. I cry everynight. I wish I did not miss him so much. Link to comment
Del Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Hey, I know exactly how you feel. Do not do anything stupid. I have been in exactly the same Pos. It takes time, and a lot of time. Get thru the initial stages and I guarantee you will feel better. You need people to help you thru this, and you WILL get thru this. Link to comment
ioosmokeyooi Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 wow and i thoughti was the only one feeling this lonly .... my story is the exact same as the rest of you guys... i wrote a topic on it if you wanna check ito ut... The happiest day of my life will be when i get over my ex girlfriend. I think this website is pretty cool i can talk to people that are going thru the same as i... all my friends just get sick of hearing it! Keep your head up guys! Link to comment
Vert Posted July 31, 2004 Share Posted July 31, 2004 Music, I feel the same thing you do. My gf of 2 years broke up with me two days ago after I proposed because she had been harboring feelings of "we don't have a future" and what not. I am not usually a public crier and thus it has been difficult for me to learn to cry and let it out. Believe it or not, once I cry to a friend or family member on the phone, I feel better... almost invigorated. My ex-gf was my first love as well, but I've found that working out and keeping busy are the best remedies. Link to comment
broken15 Posted August 15, 2004 Share Posted August 15, 2004 ok. I am going thru the same thing, but he hurt me so much and I took him back and he'd do it over and over and he would break up with me. Not this time I had to break up with him, which is so much worse then having him dump me becuz I loved him and I had to end it, I would have rathered him ending it cuz I would know I couldnt have done anything to stop it. I feel I will never get over it. I wish Id die. But DEEp DeEp down inside I know I will get over it and I know u will 2....good luck Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts