The new "I need space, lets take a break" trend.

[ocean9]

Sometimes in relationships, the timing is a bit off, or the two people reach a point where their needs start to differ, and perhaps even become conflicting.

 

Not all relationships are healthy, and not all relationships are meant to last for a very long. Some relationships are transitional for example.

 

All people are unique, and as such have very different coping strategies, and different approaches and methods when it comes to problem solving. What works for one person may not work for the other. What is "right" for one person might not be so right for the other.

 

Personally, if someone no longer wanted me in her life, I would appreciate the truth. Someone who doesn't know what she wants isn't healthy relationship material, IMO.

[Princess777]

Ramirez,

 

Relish the fact that you will make a wonderful husband to a lucky woman one day. I agree totally with your concepts if a couple is married - people don't try hard enough after they make the promises. Unfortunately, before the vows are said, it's difficult to reinforce those values.

 

I hope you find someone just as true to their relationship as you are!

 

[rtantti]

Its great if you're the one asking for the break and you get it. Its bad if you get it and the victim takes it as a license to roam freely (but who are you kidding, you were going to do the same). Its bad to be the victim of the "i need space" line. But its good if you make sure it backfires. But in any case, I agree- a "i need space" situation in a relationship is a flag for a future marital separation (if the relationship goes so far), and someone who does it will likely have the same character as one who will ask for a separation (and go get screwed several times by an anxiously awaiting person) and then return to the marriage professing that things have been figured out (but for who knows how long).

 

I think the whole thing is about character. As for me, I'm an all or nothing kind of guy, and if someone is willing the risk of letting me off the leash, don't count on me coming back. I find it a risk that someone who really cares about me would not be willing to take. Afterall, I might not come back. If they care so little as to be willing to risk everything, then they really don't care enough. Its their loss. I've been on both sides of the fence, more or less, and I know for me I lose respect if the other sticks around while I have my "space". I know she is inherently demonstrating her ignorance and I don't want to continue a relationship with someone who is ignorant. And if she runs away then I have my respect for her, and then will consider the real potential for the relationship, but I realize for myself that it was too late because I already disrespected her and the relationship (e.g. I didn't care enough).

 

My thoughts are that anyone who trys to pull this "I need space" routine (albeit it has been around for centuries) is lacking the character required for real commitment, they're flaky and unreliable, and are inherently willing to bail on you when things aren't going the way they like or want. My advice, don't reward such behavior by taking the person back, and don't expect to go back if you've asked for the space - sever the ties and move on. The reason people use it is because it works through experience or through word of mouth. The more it works the more it will happen, and the more people out there who will be running around with questionable character.

[rtantti]

Kepkep....... I understand where you're coming from in a break up being a sign of love. But its the cooling off and communicating that is the sign of love and not the break-up. I've had arguments with my girlfriend (now wife) in the past and though I didn't call her for a day or two, I never broke up with her and we never stopped trying. Relationships should be able to tolerate a "time-out", an "I need to go think" time, but this doesn't have to be a "I need to not communicate with you for an extended period of time until I feel its right again." Or a "Let's break up and think about where we're at" period. This happens all the time in regular, ongoing relationships and there should be room in any relationship for each person to go figure things out, and such time doesn't require a break-up or time apart. Otherwise we're stuck with the Hollywood romance, being that everything is all good or it is nothing at all.

[rtantti]

.... I have to keep adding my two cents. But the issue strongly parallels an employer/employee relationship. There are times we love our jobs and there are times when we hate our jobs, but we don't quit our jobs to really decide whether or not we like them. We quit when we're sure we don't like them and once we resign we don't go back, afterall, how would we expect that our employer take us back after we made the final assertion that we didn't like it there. It is so easy for us to understand this in terms of an employer/employee relationship but this topic has been debated for six pages, where the essense of the argument is very largely the same. The character or work-ethic that keeps us in our jobs is the same kind of character or relationship-ethic that keeps relationships going. Relationships require character and they require an ethic, principals by which we live our relationships by. The issue should seem just as rediculous as it would be if one were to go to his or her boss and request some time away from the job because of having doubts about the job being the one that is really desired to be performed. Our anticipated response from the boss is one of "Find, take all the time you need because you'll have all the time you need... and then some due to the fact that we're not going to take you back...".

[TheDoctor]

I had a break 3 months before my breakup....and it's true. Its the phase of the collapse. However, my cousin had a ridiculous break where his gf let him cheat on her basically and they did and they are both happy....for now.

[Outlaw2747]

It is a red flag for guys. The minute that the words "I NEED SPACE" somes, we know the end is near. Why even give that excuse? I know the truth would hurt more but at least we will have a better understanding about how y'all feel. Is it me or do girls tend to hide the reason of breakups with some seemingly harmless reason even though there is nothing innocent about it? Guys use this excuse SOMETIMES and I think it is dumb.