What did i just do?

[StillHopeful88]

If you read my previous posts you'll know that my boyfriend of almost 2 yrs and i have been broken up for 2 months now. Our situation is pretty confusing but we basically havent spoken in a month on the phone and i've been missing him so much lately. I broke up with him because i had trust issues and after the break up it was a yoyo effect. Sometimes id be the one always calling and wanting to work things out while he was fine and vice versa.

 

Recently i've been free of school and the stress that comes with it and its made me miss him so much. This is the longest we havent spoken and the last time we did speak i told him to move one... which i now regret. He told me he'd never move on and will always wait for me (dont all guys say that?). So I had his facebook password (bad i know) and i saw him telling his friends about hitting on girls and msging girls etc etc. I know i'm the one that told him to move on but i didnt think he'd actually do it and i basically have no idea what he's done in the past month.

 

I broke my rule of not contacting him today and i told his friend to ask him if he wants to go out to talk.. and he told his friend to tell me that he does but in a few days.

 

So now i regret doing that. Is it okay that i initiated this since i am the one that told him to move on most recently? Should i have just left things alone and continued to let this break up remain the way it was? I'm terrified of what's going to happen and i weigh out the pros and cons of getting back every day. It just kills me to know what he's been doing in the past month and so many emotions are running through my head that i just wish somone would tell me what to do and what was going to happen in the future so i could stop constantly thinking of what's going to happen next.

 

Do you think a relationship can be fixed once its over? We all have feelings associated with our exs, but will they eventually fade or does this strength in my emotions mean that there's still a possibility of us fixing things?

[dramallama]

I think you should stop with the asking through friends thing, and in a few days you ask him to meet up so you can discuss your relationship to give it another go, and the reasons why you broke up in the first place. Make it the first of many discussions.

 

If you snooped and found that he's been messaging other girls, then that's your fault for snooping. But since you were on a break it should have been fine for him to do that. Just be thankful he didn't sleep with anyone else. Life is short, if you know you both want to be with one another, then someone has to make the first move.

[guanyu4u]

U had to remember that male world is pretty competitive especially in the emotional department. When a guy breaks up with a girl he told to seem normal about it in front of his mates and talking about hitting on girls is part of this process.

 

Of course, he is progressing in terms of moving on so don't have great hopes when u meet him that is if u did.

[iBroken]

If you are still weighing the pros and cons of whether or not you should get back together, you really shouldnt initiate contact with him. It sounds like the absence of school compounded with knowing that he is moving on as you told him to, has scared you and cause a bit of a panic.

 

Its not fair for him to hear you say you want to try again when you aren't sure.

[johnm3]

I think this should have been expected... telling someone to move on is not a statement to be taken lightly, if I heard that it would force myself to concentrate on myself and my needs and moving on. and all hope of reconciliation would be lost from that point on.

 

like someone else said, him telling his buds that hes hitting on girls doesn't mean much... guys usually don't share feelings of pain, longing and loneliness with eachother.

 

if you want to talk to him, communicate to him directly... asking his friend to ask him is immature and if he's learned anything in the past month, it may cause him to have second thoughts about reconciling if he hasn't already.

 

even the strongest relationships endure hard times like these, but I think the difference is how you change things if you do reconcile. playing games and telling him hurtful things you don't think he'll respond to is definitely something you should change

 

and like ibroken said, if you're unsure, do this guy a favor and leave him alone... it will only get his hopes up and cause a major setback if you decide you don't want to reconcile.

[StillHopeful88]

Thank you all for the advice.

I realized that you're right that I shouldnt ask him to see me if i'm confused about my emotions myself, so I sent him an email stating just that. I told him that I miss him and that i'm confused, but I just wanted to see how he's doing and how he's feeling about everything. I hope he writes back or calls me and we can have a proper conversation about everything.