Did I make him?

[mercurytears]

I really need help. I am terribly depressed and getting rapidly worse. I have attempted suicide before, and I am thinking that I may get to the point soon where I try to agian.

 

A bit of background on my relationship:

 

link removed

 

What happened today, is we were talking about it. He said that I offered so it is my fault and I made him to horny so that he couldn't control himself. This is how the conversation went origionally.

 

He kept saying that he wanted me to do stuff and get licked. I told him I don't want to. You know how I feel and what it does to me. He said ok. Let's talk about something else. So we did for about a moment. He kept bringing it up agian and I said I trust you to do what is good for me (not actually thinking he would make me agian... consitering I was sobbing and suicidal the last time he made me)

 

I feel like it is my fault and I am just some weirdo who wanted it. But the thing is, I didn't want it. I said I was sorry for making him to horny, that it is my fault. And he said it is ok, he fogives me and we should just move on.

 

But I can't. I feel hurt and honestly, I kno it wasn't rape, but that is sort of how it feels.

 

So I am the one at fault? I mean he accept my apology, should I just leave it at this now?

[hurtbylove]

I'm sorry, but just from the information that you gave, he sounds sick.

 

How is your relationship otherwise besides this issue?

 

It is wrong wrong wrong for him to do that to you, I don't think anyone would disagree with me there.

 

What are you apologizing for? You opened up to him and told him what happened to you in the past. How much it hurt you. And he asks you to repeat those actions? It's sick.

 

I would seriously recommend staying away from him. Do you have any other close friends you can talk to?

[mercurytears]

I can't talk to anyone but him about this. I don't want people to think I am weird, and i feel ashamed.

 

I don't really have any friends. Only one. He is really all I got.

 

We have a pretty good relationship. We are in love and talking about getting married. He has done several things that really hurt. Most of it happened when I made him too horny. Can't seem to control himself then.

 

He did ask. The first few times he made me I said no. Then the last time, I didn't think he would so I said I know you'll do what is good for me. I trust you. So it became my fault.

[cujo]

Ok the fact that he wnted you to do it again is wrong. It is not your fault. he probably knows what kind of hold he has on you so he knew he could get you to do it again. Also if he askes you to do anything like that again that you don't like it and you won't do and if he makes you then he doesn't love you as much as he says he does.

[ComputerGuy]

I can't talk to anyone but him about this. I don't want people to think I am weird, and i feel ashamed.

 

I don't really have any friends. Only one. He is really all I got.

 

We have a pretty good relationship. We are in love and talking about getting married. He has done several things that really hurt. Most of it happened when I made him too horny. Can't seem to control himself then.

 

He did ask. The first few times he made me I said no. Then the last time, I didn't think he would so I said I know you'll do what is good for me. I trust you. So it became my fault.

 

There is no such thing as too horny and unable to control yourself. DO NOT let him blame you for his actions. He has got you trapped, as you have strong feelings for him, and he knows you have no-one else. You say he loves you? Think about this, would someone who truly loves you make you do something you find repulsive, that he knows hurts you, that he knows is a part of a past trauma and then make it feel like your fault and your choice when you confront him about it?

 

Look at this from a third person perspective, try and see the relationship the way we see it, he is manipulative and controlling. You may very well be in love with him, but he is just using that as a weapon against you to get you to do what he wants.

 

You have nothing to be ashamed of, there's nothing shameful about being abused emotionally, physically or sexually. The shame rests on the person doing the abusing.

 

You say you have a pretty good relationship, yet you are suffereing immensely at the hands of the person who says he loves you. He is deliberately doing this knowing what it does to you. He has your trust, which is something he doesn't deserve, as he is betraying your trust by harming you, emotionally.

 

Please get out of this relationship ASAP, it is obviously destroying you. He will try to convince you to stay but don't listen. I know it will seem impossible to do, and I know you say you love him, but nothing is worth this. Get out and get some help. I'm sure there I speak for everyone here when I say it worries me to think what may be happening to you and what might happen later on.

[mercurytears]

It feels like my fault though. I am so depressed over it. It is hard even talking to him any more because I feel so bad and guilty.