How to make twin boy and girl?

[truegrit]

Being someone who had 4 children by the age of 32 (which I'm not saying is the right way) just stating my own experience..........I TOTALLY agree with this especially the underlined part!

[Saffron_]

OP, Why exactly do you think having a twin boy and girl would be such a blessing? Is it so you'd only have to go through pregnancy once? Or are you just seeing things through rose tinted specs? You have to remember that alongside this 'blessing' you're gonna have a lot of cons. For a start, you're at a much greater risk of having a difficult pregnancy. Multiples are often born slightly early, at a lower birth weight and often via c-section. Having 2 babies at once can put a couple under huge financial strain and if that doesn't put you off, just think of the stretch marks!!! But if it was something you really wanted, you'd need to go down the PGD route which is very expensive, not available in every country (in the UK you can only have it if there's a risk of passing on certain genetic diseases) and even if they did implant one male and one female embryo, there's always a chance one or the other wouldn't take.

 

Slightly off topic but someone above said that pregnancy over age 40 used to be rare but actually, in the past a number of women had accidents in their 40's. Personally i think that pregnancy in the early 40's is the absolute latest it should be left. I know a couple of people who had older parents. In one case both parents are now dead, in the other the father died but the mother's still around. It was terribly sad for them to lose their parents so young (both were in early 20's) but at least they made it to adulthood. The later you leave it, the greater the chance you'll die before your kid reaches 18. Just because women today look younger and feel younger than women of previous generations, doesn't mean we are any younger. We're still ageing the same way and as hard as it is to accept, womens fertility declines for a very good biological reason.

 

NW: "So I guess you are fine with women having babies they can't afford more than a 40something having a child?" I don't think CAD said anything about women having babies they couldn't afford or about that being preferable. ??????

[SillyDate]

I am 33 now, I dont know when can I get a husband.........

 

I am so worry that I cannot get a husband by 35 and won't be able to have babies before 35 yrs old, I may not even have chance to get pregnant! Isn't it bad to get pregnant after 35? Oh, I so want to have twin boy and girl, I know expenses will be doubled and also the tiredness will doubled as well

[OptomisticGirl]

Some women over 35 can have healthy babies but the chances DO decrease for that the older you get. Some are the esception to the rule.

[lostnscared]

I am 33 now, I dont know when can I get a husband.........

 

I am so worry that I cannot get a husband by 35 and won't be able to have babies before 35 yrs old, I may not even have chance to get pregnant! Isn't it bad to get pregnant after 35? Oh, I so want to have twin boy and girl, I know expenses will be doubled and also the tiredness will doubled as well

 

I believe it's after 38 where things start to risky. I think your fine. You have 5 more years to go. Even once you get 38, you STILL can have a healthy baby--it's just that obviously as you age there are now more risks and potential problems associated with it.

[lostnscared]

Yes a lot of women in the past did have babies into their forties, but certainly not as many as there are now, and it was looked at as extremely taboo, and not "natural". Nowadays it's been normalized, and so many women think it's safe and okay to wait until they are much older(nearing forty) and then they decide they want children. That is where I believe CAD had an issue with--the idea that no matter what risks, problems, or the natural process of aging(as you get into your forties are older) women still WANT children at that age and make the decision to have them knowing that it could not only be a health issue for the mother but for the child. I wouldn't say it's selfish(though I guess many could say that) but I do think that it's risky and that if a person can have a baby sooner then they need to do that--it's just better all around. I believe it's at 35 where fertility significantly decreases, and also nearing the 40 range where the chances of a baby having disorders, and health problems(and the mother) increase significantly. There are many women who wait and then have to get IVF, and go through all these trials just to have that baby that they may have been able to have ten years prior. It's those type of thinking that I admit I'm still trying to understand. Like I said I'm sympathetic to those people who for whatever reason weren't able to find a suitable partner before they were forty, and it was a lifelong dream to have a child WITH a suitable partner. But there are some women who had multiple opportunities with suitable partners, and they passed them up, and then panicked as they got older and NOW want to do everything--which is putting the child and the mother at risk. I don't understand that.

[OptomisticGirl]

I'll be completely honest, the reason I will not wait until I'm in my late twenties to start trying for a family is for the simple fact, I don't want to be having children past 40. I'm already going to be having at least one over hte age of 35 if we decided to have 4 like we want. Doesn't mean I'm settling to get married young just to have children, I just found the perfect guy for me at the right age. I can see what CAD means. I see many women who put their careers first, date around for years, always saying 'I can do it when I'm older', and hten when they realize they wasted too much time, they scramble to have a baby no matter the risks. While there is nothing wrong with having a career and everything, you can't push something like this off to the last minute then be angry when there are risks involved. In my mind, that scenario is a tad selfish. If you wanted a child so badly, you should have strifed to achieve it earlier on in life.

[lostnscared]

I agree. There are so many women(and men) these days that believe that they have all the time in the world to have a child, and get married, and so many of them wait until they are older and then they start to realize that their time is actually pretty limited. It's sad because I don't really believe that most women put themselves in these situations intentionally, but that society itself has sort of "forced" women to choose between stability, education, and having a family. I also believe that there is an ongoing message being passed on: hey have fun while your young, travel, get your career, get your education, then settle down, your young why not?" Leaving many women feeling like they DO have all the time, and that they should be doing all of those "above" things. But not many people inform younger women about the number of women who have to get IVF, who have trouble conceiving, who end up waiting so long that they can't find Mr. Right, or those that end up having to sacrifice their dreams(of having a family) because their career was too demanding, or the women who wanted more than one child, but were only able to have one child due to health issues from having their first. It's almost as though people just don't bring that up, until they get to that age range and decide they want kids--then that is when they are told about all of the possible negative scenarios. Or in some cases these women are AWARE of these scenarios as they get older, but think that these scenarios won't apply to them, or try anyway. In those cases like I said, I don't understand, but maybe as I get older I will.

It used to be that women had children in their twenties and early thirties, and were done. There were always women that were having children younger or older than "normal" but that tended to be taboo and wasn't normal or even seen as a "good" thing. Now this idea (that while women are young, date have fun, travel, focus on your career THEN settle down) is being pushed more and more onto women(especially women in my generation) and I think that it's causing women to end up in these unfortunate circumstances where they are older and just now wanting to have children.

Personally I do think it's important for ME to have fun, travel, and focus on my career, but I don't need to be doing that for 10 years, not even five.

For me I always figured that if I wanted a family, that would most likely me I would have to choose a certain type of career that was flexible for a family, and that I would need to start early. But also because education and having a good financial situation was important, I placed those two things ahead of having children. It looks like I probably won't be having kids for another 3-4 years(I'll be 26 or 27). Me and my bf are both okay with that. I'm thinking that I'll probably have 2 of my own biological children and adopt one.

[sweetpea03]

It really is not anyone else's business, but this is typical of ENA to just make this into a big discussion.

 

There definitely are no guarantees. My cousin passed away at the young age of 30, leaving behind her 7 year old daughter(she's 8 now). It's been a year and 2 days since her death. It has been very hard on her daughter and the family to get passed her death. No one ever knows when their time will come. I can die tonight in a car accident, for all I know.

 

I have seen a number of healthy pregnancies to women in their late 30s and early 40s. I baby sit for a woman who is 43 and her kids are 2 and 5. Both are healthy and thriving. She is a nurse and it took her a while to find the right guy. Both of them are pretty active and they are great with their kids. My dad's cousin is 46 and has a 2 year old with her husband. All of them are healthy as well.

 

I'd much rather see people having children at an older age, than watch these teens get knocked up in high school claiming they are "ready". There are more risks involved with older pregnancies, because we women are born with all of the eggs we will ever have at birth, so as our eggs get older, we tend to have more problems. The risks are definitely there, but even with some of the risks, they aren't extremely high.

 

I feel like as long as the parent can love and care for their child(ren), then they can go for it. I would never advocate for young teens to get pregnant, but if a couple waits a while to have kids later, that is fine to me.

[sweetpea03]

There are people who change their mind though. I know my cousin did NOT want kids at all while in his 20s, but when he hit 34, he REALLY wanted them. He is now 38, married, with 2 kids.

[sweetpea03]

I am 33 now, I dont know when can I get a husband.........

 

I am so worry that I cannot get a husband by 35 and won't be able to have babies before 35 yrs old, I may not even have chance to get pregnant! Isn't it bad to get pregnant after 35? Oh, I so want to have twin boy and girl, I know expenses will be doubled and also the tiredness will doubled as well

 

They say around 35 is when the "cut off" age is, but so many women have babies after that age. I wouldn't worry about it right now. There is a lot of medical technology that we have that can aid in getting pregnant and keeping a healthy pregnancy.

[OptomisticGirl]

There are people who change their mind though. I know my cousin did NOT want kids at all while in his 20s, but when he hit 34, he REALLY wanted them. He is now 38, married, with 2 kids.

 

Yeah, but that's a little different than saying at like my age, that I want children extremely badly but I'm going to wait in order to have a career and do all this, and then freak out when I get older and realize not only the risks that CAN be there, but that I'm limited on time.

[tinkerbellkj]

I definitely don't think that having children at a younger age is always the way to go. I know when my friend got married at 22, she immediately began trying to have children. They had NOTHING to their names, and we always asked me what she was going to do, how the hell it was going to work, basically. She said, "oh, I'll just get on welfare." Need less to say, she did not get pregnant for 9 years, despite actively trying, charting ovulation etc. I always thought to myself that someone up there was looking out for her and her babies! In fact, it wasn't until she stopped trying that she got pregnant and ended up with 2 children. She is 33 now and in a MUCH better situation than she was at 22.

 

If I had not gotten pregnant unexpectedly at 25, I would have probably waited until I was 28 or 29. I don't think it's selfish at all to want an education, career, AND a family. I think that's a beautiful thing. I'm so glad that I had the opportunity to have my BA and my master's. I knew I wanted to have kids my whole life, but when I was in school that was the furthest thing from my mind. Same thing when I was dating around. I really enjoyed my early twenties a lot and would not have given them up for anything. I was of course, thrilled when I met my husband, and again, knew we would have kids, but I would have liked to have been married for a few years before having a baby, but oh well!

[tinkerbellkj]

I am 33 now, I dont know when can I get a husband.........

 

I am so worry that I cannot get a husband by 35 and won't be able to have babies before 35 yrs old, I may not even have chance to get pregnant! Isn't it bad to get pregnant after 35? Oh, I so want to have twin boy and girl, I know expenses will be doubled and also the tiredness will doubled as well

 

I think you'll be fine. There are MANY women who babies post 35 and they have happy and healthy ones at that. Age is only ONE factor, in fact, many would argue that a healthy weight is just if not more important than age. Just make sure that you are in touch with your doctor and stay healthy!

[lostnscared]

Your right about that. I DO know people that are older that beat the odds, have healthy pregnancies, lots of energy, and make GREAT parents. And I'd rather a person older have a child, than a person under 21 having a child. It's the better of both options. But to me, neither option(having a baby under 21 or having a baby over 38 yrs) is ideal to me at all. But I think that in NW's case, it wasn't until she was older that she wanted a baby, and that is fine. I think she'll be fine honestly. I think most women are. There are just risks--but like I said on another page, there are risks in everything. I think that you have to weigh out how much your willing to risk to have a child. Also how your decision to have a kid(younger or older) will impact the child's life and future(both of yours actually).

 

But still doesn't change the fact that there are PLENTY of women who wait until they are much older and have many issues conceiving, or have to resort to IVF(which is costly). I just think it depends. Subjectively we all know those underage and olderaged who did well despite their circumstances, doesn't make either situation the "ideal". But really just depends on the family, and the individuals. What I will say is that most doctors and medical experts do advise women to have children under 40 and over 18.

[lostnscared]

They say around 35 is when the "cut off" age is, but so many women have babies after that age. I wouldn't worry about it right now. There is a lot of medical technology that we have that can aid in getting pregnant and keeping a healthy pregnancy.

 

Many women have babies over the age of 35. But it's the "forty" zone where it gets more difficult, and it can be costly if you have to resort to IVF(a circumstance that some late thirty and forty somethings have to resort to). Personally I wouldn't worry about having a baby over 35. I'd worry about having a baby after 40. Not just for the health risks, but for the long term future of the child, myself, and so on.

[lostnscared]

There are people who change their mind though. I know my cousin did NOT want kids at all while in his 20s, but when he hit 34, he REALLY wanted them. He is now 38, married, with 2 kids.

 

This is true. I also know people that is was the reverse. they REALLY wanted kids, but as they got older and got immersed in their lifestyles, and careers, they realized that having a child wasn't for them.

 

I think people have the right and should change their minds. Again it's just about weighing the risks, and deciding if it's in you and the child's best interest to have the child at an age that may create more risky circumstances.

[lostnscared]

Heh, I agree completely. I always used to say I wanted to have a baby by 25. Now that I'm 23, I don't believe 25 is a good age for ME. I think I'll be in my late twenties when I have my first child, and to me that is the more ideal option. Right now I'm financially stable, but emotionally, mentally, career-wise I'm just not ready. And I doubt that a year and half from now I will be. I would rather wait(even if I turn out to be 30) to be an ideal situation than to have a child younger just because it sounds like the better option. For me I've always felt that it is best to have a child when you are financially, emotionally, mentally, and physically healthy, in a good relationship or marriage, and that you had experiences(traveling, volunteering, education, working) that will make your parenting that much "better". For me that is important and that is why I would wait--those things take time. But I understand that other people have different priorities and that's okay.

 

Like you I would rather people have kids later if it meant a better future for the kids, than for them to have kids younger and struggle.

[OptomisticGirl]

I'm not saying everyone should pop a kid when they are young and unprepared. They should def. at least be financially somewhat prepared. And like I said, there is nothing wrong with being career oriented and wanting to get through school first but you can't cry foul when after you do all that, you realize the risks involved and you are limited on time. I don't want to be one of those people who are in their late 30's and regret not having children sooner.

[sweetpea03]

Yea, that's our plan. I want to be done with school, into my career, and have been married for about a year, and then we'll start trying to have kids... My boyfriend wants that, too. I think that would be a good way of doing it. I wouldn't want to try for kids before we are ready financially or anything like that.

 

Age is just one factor of many that can determine how well someone will handle pregnancy and all that comes with it.

[Saffron_]

I am 33 now, I dont know when can I get a husband.........

 

I am so worry that I cannot get a husband by 35 and won't be able to have babies before 35 yrs old, I may not even have chance to get pregnant! Isn't it bad to get pregnant after 35? Oh, I so want to have twin boy and girl, I know expenses will be doubled and also the tiredness will doubled as well

 

I wouldn't worry too much yet. As others have said, yes your fertility does gradually decline from your mid to late 30's but it's a fairly slow decline. However, after 40 it will drop sharply year on year. I understand your concerns but you still have time. MOST women have healthy babies past age 35, not just some! By age 35 I think your risk of having a down syndrome baby is only around 1 in 300. But by age 45 it's around 1 in 70! If you're very keen on having children it'd be a good idea to start looking for the right guy. I don't mean to sound patronising because I know it's not easy and I'm sure you are looking, but if it were me, I'd be aiming to have a child before the age of 40. At 40, your chance of getting pregnant after a year is only around 40-50% and getting pregnant past age 44 with your own eggs is (not my quote) "like buying a lottery ticket". Yeah some people win some of the time but you shouldn't bank on it!. There's nothing natural you can do to make yourself have twins. No special diets. Unless you can afford PGD, you'll just have to get what you get