Had an affair for 20 years, then he died last week!

[JOBRIEN]

Can anyone give me any advise on the death of a man who I've been having an affair with for over 20 years (bad timing). How does one grieve (while being married)

~the man I've been having an affair with died last week and i feel horrible.

Any advice or what? His family knew of me, but, mine doesn't have a clue he excisted

 

the bridges of Madison county come to mind......Francesca was in somewhat of the same situation!

[lonelyandblue]

Maybe if you could get some time to yourself, and say your goodbyes. Don't be suspicious to your husband, just say you are a little down and need some time to yourself.. something like that. Hope that helps.

[Jamiegirl]

Sorry to sound messed up but maybe you should nt have cheated at all. If your husband finds out dont you think he'll be upset? Its sad that mytery man died and all but maybe you should tell your husband. Honesty is always best, even though you may think it wouldnt be good to tell him. Good Luck anywayswith this

[ggm]

This is tough...anyway you could take a couple of days and get away alone to work this through without having to put on a "happy" face?

You need to say your goodbyes and close this. You probably can't do this while under the watchful eye of a spouse. Whatever you do DO NOT beat yourself up for having this affair. It made your marriage liveable. If you have children, it kept you together to raise your children. I am divorced raising two boys solo and wish there would have been a way to keep my marriage together (even if it took a long term affair) to give my boys a better lifestyle. Good luck to you!!

[CherryGrl]

You had an affair for 20 years and your husband never found out? But his family knows all about you? Was he married also?

 

Hard to know what to say to you. I really can't condone your affair, as I have just been hurt very badly by my boyfriend having an affair and I really don't understand why people get involved with folks who are already in another relationship. Having said that, though, I can imagine that you must be hurting very badly and feel pretty lost right now.

 

I can't imagine how you have managed to live with such a big secret for so long. Have you thought about confessing to your husband? Or maybe speaking with a counselor about what you are going through?

 

Also, there is a forum called The Other Woman, and you might find women who have been in a similar situation there.

[Hesperides]

20 years' an awful long time to keep a secret, how can u be so sure ur husband knew nothing about it? Maybe he knew, just waiting for you to confess first...

Tell ur husband the truth now, if he knew all the way, he'd forgive u; if he never sensed it, he trusted u so much that he'll have to forgive u since the man is gone.

or keep it to urself forever and ur mind will never be at peace.

[single30]

There is no way in hell you can tell your husband about a 20 year affair unless you want him to leave you.

That being said, if you had a 20 year affair, then why do you want to stay married? I dont' know what the particulars are of your marriage/life/affair. But I feel for you. That is very sad. I think the point that people are missing here is that someone very close to you has passed away and you aren't aloud to greive openly. I would seriously recommend seeking counseling... so that you have someone to talk to about your feelings, and perhaps about your marriage and what you want to do from here. Good luck. Do yourself a favor, dont' do this alone.