I THINK HE IS SCARED OF COMMITMENT??

[Brneyegirll]

Thanks for taking the time to read my post and give any advice to possibly help me. I posted posted this again to get more advice...

 

I have posted in the past about a relationship which now i have been in for 9 months. I am 37, he is 44. I am widowed and have 2 girls 18 & 20 yrs old. He has never been married and has No children. He lived at home all his life except 4 yrs one time that he lived with a woman. Well any way, he had a house for 5 yrs that he kept up but never lived in it until now. We both moved in it together 3 months ago. He knew from the beginning of this relationship what i wanted (and my morals) in my future which was marriage and family again. He also knew my morals and the fact that i do not believe in shacking up, so to speak..living together. At least not without an engagement which to me is then leading to marriage. Well, i was supossed to move in his house by myself but when i got here, he never left and slowly moved his things in. Everything here is mine. He only has some clothes here. Most of his things are still at his parents. So really i dont feel he fully moved in with me. So we had been talking about getting engaged because i had told him im not gonna keep living together without that commitment from him. So last weekend he took me out looking at rings, trying them on. He said while we were there he wasnt gonna buy one that day that he would go back and pick one and surprise me. Well, you know how you just get a gut feeling about things sometime? Well this is how i have felt with him on the subject of engagement/marriage all along that maybe i was just being stringed along, lied to just to bide time, i guess. Guess i was right because yesterday he told me he doesnt want to get engaged for 7 more months and married up to a year after that. I was crushed and i feel so betrayed by him..once again.

I cant even look at him at this point. He has hurt me so bad. We both have loved each other so much but oviously its not as much on his part. Am i wrong?? Why did he make me think diff by taking me looking at rings. He knew exactly how i felt. I just know i am wasting my time on this guy but at the same time..i have settled into this house and am just devastated at the thought of moving again soo soon. Should i have him move back 2 his parents and i date other guys?? I am sleeping on the couch now. I feel very used and its not only this one thing, theres been alot more issues. I have been extremely good to this guy( he tells everyone this). I have been just like a wife to him. I do love him dearly but just cant bear to get hurt anymore by him. He is very selfish/self centered and i dont think i can change any of this.

Last night when he got home from work, we didnt say a word to each other. I went to bed, he went to the couch!

Thanks everyone...

Depressed/Hurt/Lost

_________________

[Just A Teen]

Im sorry if you dont want my advice because im 14 ill cleary undetstand because you are more then twice my age and clearly old enough to be my mother....We'll yes it seems like he's trying to STALL as long as he can. That or maybe he doesn't want to be comitted because, he is having thoughts of something else? But, I myself think there is nothing wrong with a long engadgement, my whole family goes through it ( my mom and her whole family and now my sister wants at least a 2 year long engadgement ) so I know plrenty about that whole subject.

 

If you havnt, then tell him how important this is to you and if you already have told him REMIND HIM. He's 44 older then my mom but, hopefully he still has a memory. Yes maybe you guys do have an unbalancement of love, meaning that you love him more. Him bringing you to go ring shopping and having you try on engadgement rings and telling you he's going to surprise you tomarrow was wrong. Espically since the next day he said he wanted to wait 7 more months. Maybe he's not afraid of being commited he just wants to be sure that you'll stay with him. Remember he's never been married so he doesn't exactly know how marriage is. You have a strong point in that one. Sounds like you guys need to sit down over candle light dinner and talk it out. That whole couch thing going on can't be good for a relationship.

 

Okay well I hope I at least some what helped you. Email me back to tell me how everything goes if you dont mind.

[Luciana]

Whew, this is a tough one, even I don't really know what to say.

First, 9 months is not too long a time for dating, but then, you guys ar enot 20 anymore, so in one year you can pretty much know what you want.

Yes, he was very wrong in taking you ring shopping. That's teasing, cruelty.

Why 7 months? Maybe you can wait his 7 months, but tell him you should wait by DATING, and not living together. Living together WITH a ring. Move out if you have to; I know it's tough, but you need some pride.

Date him for 7 more months, then if he doens't come through, dump his sorry ass. In the meantime, go out with other men, casually. And you can't do that living together.

Compromise. Don't leave him yet, but put some conditions. He HAS hurt you. Keep your options open. Work on your self esteem by exercising, dieting, take care of your hair and looks. Make yourself the prettiest possible. That is the best revenge.

[Scout]

I actually think there was some real wisdom in Just a Teen's advice. Out of the mouths of babes...