Birthday Card Blues

[MrMikeWikowski]

Hi,

 

I'm having a bit of a delemia. My ex girlfriends birthday is in a few weeks, and I don't know if I should send her a card or not.

 

It has nearly been 4 months of NC, and I have not heard a peep from her.

 

I would like to send her a birthday card because it is a nice thing to do, and I do still care about her. On the other hand, I really want it to be clear to her that I really don't want anything to do with her right now. I hope that one day she will contact me at the very least to say she is sorry, but right now I still have more healing to be done.

 

Thoughts would be appreciated.

 

Mike

[neva_black_n_white]

i think you should do what makes you feel most comfortable, i think it is nice to send a birthday card or wish a person well if like you say you care but you want them to realise its not contact your looking for, all woudl say is to ensure that the card or whats written cannot be analysed in any other way than what you wish to be read. does that make sense? only i know i can pull alot from a card and its not even intentional.

 

do you feel that you will gain and feel better for sending this, almost as a release? if so then its what you should do, at the end of the day you can have opinions from all of us but if you desire to post the card, or go to the door and give it, i assure you, you will.

 

make your choices well, kel

[Princess777]

Greetings.

If you don't want anything to do with her, then why would you send her a card? (curious)..... you see, we women will read into that card a lot more than you think.

 

If I got a card from any of my ex's, I would automatically think that he wanted me back, regardless of what it said.... cause most men don't just send a card for the heck of it. For that matter, sometimes it's a miracle to get anything from the actual partner we're with, and if they remember then it's just awesome! Any effort like that from a man is seen as an attempt to make a woman feel like she is still desired, in my eyes anyway..... of course this is just how I would view the situation.

 

Something to think about..... you might hurt her more than you think....

[neva_black_n_white]

i can see that but its the nature of the relationship, terms left and the person you are, i agree that i would read into something just as you would but i think i would see it in the sense that they have the decency to show that they remember things about you and that terms hpefully would be evened, i guess its only a person who hopes for the relationship to be back together who views in the sense that a man may want her or those who dont ...i dont know, but i think that not all cases do ex's end on bad terms.

 

i have an ex who yes the relationship itself wasnt well ended but through communication and speech as it grew has brought an amazing friendship and trust. its optional all the same.

 

But, i must agree, even though you want her to say sorry for your pain, princess777 is right when she says you may hurt her, do you want her to possibly experiance the feelings you do right now?

anyway, you should know her better than us.

 

kel

[ggm]

I suggest you don't send the card....she might get the wrong message..you could appear needy. If you ignore her birthday, she will know you are serious about moving on. This may trigger her desire to have you back.

[cassiana]

After four months I think you can send a card. Make sure the message is short and fairlyLi neutral and then do no more. Good Luck. It might give her an opening and either way your position would be intact.

[Scout]

If you don't want anything to do with her, to get back with her, to start a friendship - whatever - than I don't see the point in sending the card. Especially since you feel she owes you an apology for something (I haven't read your original posts, so don't know your situation).

 

It seems you miss her, though. Are you absolutely sure about your feelings? Once you are absolutely sure, the decision to send or not send a card should be a pretty straightforward one.

[LynnTex]

You could try sending her the card, but just sign it - no note or anything. You've made the contact, let her know you were thinking of her on such a special day, but you've kept it about as neutral as it could be.

 

Just a thought.

[Princess777]

Wow I'll bet you're sorry you asked us, huh!!!! You got a lot of different viewpoints.

 

The best one I think was that you DO know her better than we do, so think about how SHE would take it. Not what your intentions are.

[vetgirl]

He Mr.Mike

It's my ex's birthday in a few weeks. Lets make a pact to NOT send either one a card. If you don't do it, I won't and vice versa. Be strong and keep the NC going!

[davo1066]

Why not just send an e-card? It implies less effort than the real thing, so its more of a casual thing. I tend to get ecards from exes I havent seen for a while, whereas if they sent a hard copy I would wonder what it meNT

 

I read your other post though and to be honest, if I were you, I'd send nothing at all. She owes you apology BIG TIME,

[MrMikeWikowski]

Hee hee,

 

I never thought that this topic would generate so many opposing posts. Facinating. Lots of female posts too.

 

To clear a few things up. I don't want anything to do with her, because I still love her way too much, and I know that she still holds much power over me because of this.

 

This doesn't mean that I don't care about her, or that I don't miss her, or that I don't want to get back together with her at some point.

 

And I guess I dream of her coming back to me, at the very least to tell me how sorry she is for hurting me, and I wonder if sending a card will be good for doing this or not.

 

After reading all of the posts, I am thinking not. While I made plenty of mistakes in the last 16 months, (not doing NC being the biggest one ) she has treated poorly, and maybe she doesn't deserve a card from me???

 

And if it helps her think I have really move on, then that is great. And the funny thing is thinking about this whole birthday card thing is really making me realize that oh so slowly, I am moving on.

 

Mike

[oldman]

So all the ladies here agree to scrap the b'day card thingy? My ex's birthday is in a few days and i've not been in contact with her for like 1.5mths, not seeing her for a few mths....

 

Ive moved on in life but at the bottom of my heart i do want her back secretly... we fell in love twice n i hope for the 3rd time.... but of course not now, im seeing someone else.

 

thought of giving her a neutral birthday card with a little something written on it, unsigned and a maybe small gift (a pair of earrings? + a flower maybe?) via mail. im not taking her out or meeting up with her on her b'day.

[nesthead]

If anyone decides to send their ex a card, definitely make it an ecard. And make it a generic one. Happy Birthday - that's it. Don't even sign it. If you must sign it, please do not put "love".

 

But, if you don't want to hear from them, or think they don't deserve it, it's best not to send one at all. You might regret it later if they don't even respond to you.

 

I sent mine an ecard. He ended up sending me one back thanking me for remembering, good to hear from me.... So it all depends on what you're looking to get out of this.

[MrMikeWikowski]

Ah,

 

Now things are intesting. It was just my birthday two days ago, and guess what??? My ex sends me a tiny email wishing me happy birthday. This is the first that I have heard from her in nearly four months. I was wondering if she was going to send me anthing - but I guess she has not completely forgotten about me just yet.

 

Anyway, so now I am wondering if I should send her something on her birthday. I have not replied to her email, and I doubt I will. I don't think I am ready to open up lines of communication with her just yet. I need more months before I will be ready for that I think. However, I do still care about her, and wonder if it might be nice to wish her a happy birthday. On the other hand I want her to know that I am over her (even if I am not actually quite there yet ) I don't want her to think that I am all weak and broken and wanting her back (been there done that).

 

Thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

 

cheers

 

Mike

 

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[oldman]

hey mike, you could say thanks out of courtesy but be sure not to expect any replies!

[MrMikeWikowski]

Well,

 

A few things happened before her birthday (which was today),

 

link removed

 

But, in the end I just sent her a brief birthday greeting. I have not heard back from her, and have an idea that I might not. That is OK, because I do know I really need more time.

 

Thanks for all your thoughts.

 

Mike