Please read and respond, your comfort could help...

[Blonde_Beau7]

well, this past friday, my boyfriend (now Ex...heres why..) was to be going to his parents in college station,tx, he was 21. Well, you know ok cool call me you know... Saturday rolls around and... im driving to the airport to pick up some family for my upcoming Miss Texas pageant and.. guess who i see, driving his car with some "people" in the car...so i flip, knowing the jealous person that i am! and haul butt to his apartment. Well i get there just in time and put up behind his car where he perked, to see him with his roommate and umm..his ex-girlfriend..... He lied. It hurts.. he said he loved me orver and over and i finally got trust in him. then this happened. He was shocked.literally. And to this moment im shaking bc it hurt my heart so bad. We didnt know what to do . or what to say. Well his ex lives out of town, and she was down with her friend who may be going to college down here is texas. so the chic doesnt evenlive down here. And to top it all off, i dont hear from him that whole saturday, thinking he is where he is. And find out that he just got back from taking her to dinner..... oh geez. So , u know he calls me while im at the airport, crying..balling that is. And i kept on telling him that it was over. and asking him how he could do this to me. He didnt know(of course right...) and i told him he would never see me again. He refused that answer and said he would find out where i was and see me wherever i was, he would come after me. Right so this guy is a little obsessive... Well youknow sunday rolls around, and he finally goes to his parents right.. well he calls me from there and everything. but i didnt answer. so finally i called him today. monday, and his mom said oh... he left last night to go back to austin.hmmm yea, so i was contemplating what the hell was going on.. finally about 11 or so he calls, from his roommates phone bc his isnt working. And says "oh yeah i just got back home just now." and i said, oh yea from where. he said "my parents house." wow, and i caught him lying again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! can ya'll believe this!! i said, why are you lying to me , i just talked to your mom earlier this morning and she said u left last night... omg, yea, so he was of course,...breathless.. and so i found out he came BACK! home and hung out with her AGAIN!! bc the ex is still visiting. Then he tells me, i told her it was ok to stay at my apartment while she was down here!!!! when, in the first place i didnt want him to see or while she came down in the first place, then i find out that he asked her to stay with him!!!!!!!!!oh yea, what kind of stupid is this guy huh!!! I ask, why did u lie to me again!~!!!! he said, i dont know, i didnt want to hurt you... and i told him, you know when u lie, it only hurts worse, well he had to get off the phone and i said u wont ever talk to me or see me again. he said yes, yes i will. i said no you will not, and to top it off, i work with him at one of my jobs. Hes the dang manager!!!!!!!!! yeah. its pretty intense.. Please let me know what you think about this story, im still in tears, and would like your comfort...

[kdreger]

His ex is staying at his place? And he lied to you at least twice?

 

Dump him to the curb. WITHOUT OUT A DOUBT, he's done stuff you don't know about. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

 

PS If you want to get him back be sure to get new guys to pick you up at the job where he's the manager (snicker).

[Blonde_Beau7]

you know that is a marvelous idea!! i AM going to do that!!! haha, its cruel, but...payback is hell....right???????

lol

blonde_beau

[hurtabandoned]

He's not worth your time. Let him have his ex and move on. You can find better.

[Mun]

Hi there,

I think you know what you need to do. Dump him. You can do much better than that and once you drop him don't look back for a long time. Don't argue with him anymore or discuss the issue. Keep your dignity girl.

 

A man should love you and protect you not lie and cheat on you.

Tell yourself that you didn't deserve this and keep moving. You will find a good guy who loves you.

[Blonde_Beau7]

See, i would never talk to him again, but... unfortuatly, while hes busy entertaining his"house guest", hes telling me and crying to me about how its not over, after i told him over and over that it is. he said he would find me, well, its harder than it looks, he says their just friends but whatever. im hurt and i dont think i can handle this. please help!!!

Blonde_Beau7

[Mun]

You know you do have a say in how others should treat you. Only you can put a limit on the contact you allow him. If you continue to talk to him and listen to his apologies then you are getting sucked up in the drama.

 

If they are just friends then he should have asked you to come along when he picked her up at the airport and the two of you could have showed her around town or whatever.

 

Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect. Love yourself and then others will love you too

[cp4200]

If you are as pretty and talented as you appear, then why do lack the confidence in yourself? You don't need justification from a "boy" to help you. You need to look in the mirror and ask yourself what you want from life, focus on that, and Mr. Right will find you. I've dated a few models in my younger days, and understand your situation very well. There is a strong desire for that masculine support in the pageant contests and public appearances. Just make sure it is the right guy, the nice guy.

 

It amazes me how girls and women can become so hurtfully dependent on the opposite sex, especially the bad boy syndrome for their support, satisfaction and morale. The only one who is going to really understand your support needs are your gal friends. You are all in the same boat, just as men are in the same boat.

 

Things have changed from the old days, and it is unwise to stake your emotions and focus on a boy friend, especially at your young age. My advice is that you have a lot of living to do before you're ready to even think about a serious relationship.

 

So focus on what's important to you. Set your short and long term goals, and the more you appear to be unavailable the more desirable you will become in the eyes of the opposite sex.

 

I know the area you live well. It was my alma mater, and that of my kids. Love the area.

 

CP

[radicalguru]

the three key words that constitute a real relationship are trust, belief and understanding.

neither can survive without the other. if he has lost your trust and belief, the understanding will not last forever. by which time not only will you feel heartbroken, but also used.

take your pick

[Blonde_Beau7]

Well guys, it has only gotten worse, i went up to the restaurant we both work at, and he was there ,with her!! so when he saw me he was shocked..once again. he tlaked to me then brought her outside to talk to her. only i walked over into the conversation. She was yelling at him, for lying to me! about her!! it was bad, he said he loves both of us. i told him that you can only love one person from the heart. the true love. and he just didnt understand. she had no idea that he had lied to me THE WHOLE TIME!!!! he freakin got caught again!!!!!! he lied to me more last night, then i had the truth told to me by her. She was not mad at me, she felt bad for me, and he didnt know what to do. he knows he messed up. This was so much drama. So i told him to leave me alone, and he said that he was going to come find me and see me.(once again ??) anywho, he told her that she had to go back home this morning in New Hampshire so that he could see me before my pageant. Well, why couldnt he have hung out with me you know while she was here. i dont know, he had planned this out the whole time. omg, im so upset..................

[cp4200]

You have got to get a hold of yourself before the upcoming pageant you mentioned if you want to win, or at least appear to be calm, cool and collected. Don't say you're never going to see him again when you both work together, or live in the same town. You will run accross him again.

 

First and foremost should be your focus on what is important to you personally, not him. He is, and will continue to be a distraction until you decide that he does not need to be a part of your life, a person that you want to share your experiences with.

 

The other problem as I see it at this time is the age difference. When we get older and in similar social and work environments, it's not such a big deal, but at your age, a few years can make a difference if only because the two of you are in different "worlds." I may be wrong here, but I'm helping to raise two stepdaughters and their friends in many cases. I keep seeing that age difference cropping up as a hindrance more than a help with the older boyfriend situation. It seems to distance them from their friends or peer group.

 

The first days and weeks of this breakup will be hard, it will hurt, and you will not be a happy camper. But as long as you allow him to have power over your emotions and heartstrings, the longer you will have to endure the pain and confusion.

 

I suggest that you take some time and put together a pro and con list of the things that you do and do not like about him. Ask yourself the tough questions about whether you actually "love" him or is it just a passing interest. I will say again that at your age, it should not be a serious relationship.

 

You appear to have more going for you than you give yourself credit for, and have some misguided conceptions about what makes you a whole person. I will say that in my opinion, at your age, you really don't have the experience to know what real love is about. What you think you know about love, like most youth, is more hormonally driven, a self seeking sort of curiosity about who you are, and the mistaken percpetions that Hollywood has fostered. Movies imitate fantasy, real life doesn't imitate the movies. Real life can often be very mundane and boring at times.

 

Real love is something that is learned as much as it is a working partnership. You can only be that "whole" person, if as a previous poster suggested, you must love yourself first, before you can love others. When we love ourself, and are happy with our life, it shows, it radiates to others. That is the most important thing you can do for yourself, as it will reflect upon you.

 

One thing I have noticed over the years, is often due to a misconception that men perceive as a problem. Attractive women somtimes have a problem attracting or meeting the NICE attractive men. When a guy looks at a good looking girl, the first thing he thinks is that she must have a boyfriend, so he usually won't even try to meet her or ask her out. There is an intimidation, shyness and the fear of rejection that comes into play. It is simple human behavior, but it can really mess us up.

 

I've often told women looking to meet the nice guys, don't hang at the rail lining the dance floor. More often than not, only the guys (many are either conceited, have huge egos - macho, pump iron, smooth talkers, etc.) and looking to meet that vulnerable or lonley woman. He is looking primarily for the one night stand, or to hang around just long long enough to have his fun and that's the last you see of him. The guys you want to look for are the guys hanging further back from the dance, floor, the ones that are a bit shy, fear rejection, or don't have the oversized ego. Those are the nice guys more often than not, the ones with substance and capable of lasting relationships.

 

I tell the guys the opposite. To go ask that good looking girl to dance, go out, etc. I find it an odd situation in life that the beautiful woman are often lonely for that simple, stupid reason. In many cases, it's the nerds and problem guys that are hitting on them, they are not shy or don't know better. It is another observable conundrum of life between the sexes.

 

Women have a lot more freedom today than ten and twenty years ago to make that first move, to ask someone to dance without the stigma of being attached for the rest of the evening. I am very involved in the DFW dance community, and the slogan is - ask someone (new, non-dancer type) to dance, you may make their evening.

 

So get over this guy, tell him to get lost. He can't have both of you, and you are right, you can only truly love one person. You can love many people, and even have multiple loves for the opposite sex, but, if you are true to yourself, you will find that your focus and affection will be limited to that one special person.

 

Forget about him and the drama. You don't need it in your life, especially if you are preparing for a pageant. If you want to win it, you need to muster all the courage and confidence to put your best foot forward. The sooner you get over this clown, the sooner you will meet the next boyfriend. Guys shy away from girls that are having emotional upsets about a recent breakup. Why? Because they know they may likely be just a whistlestop along the way as the girl gets over the recent problems and moves on to the next guy.

 

So move on and up in the world. Quit crying in your beer so to speak about the drama. Only you can make the right call, but you must be willing to take the good with the bad in your decision. Such as, yes it will hurt, but I'll be better for it. Yes it might make me cry, but those tears are washing away the bad memories.

 

What you haven't told us, is how long have the two of you been dating, how deep is the intimacy, is this your first love, and other things that would help us understand your situation a little better. It sounds as if this might be your first love, and if so, it will have an impact on your life. We usually never forget our first love, or the pain that went along with the breaking up, the what if's, and a lot of other issues.

 

Good luck, be brave, you'll win in the end if you are.

 

Chuck

 

[Blonde_Beau7]

This love, was not my first love. We had been dating for about 6 months. He cries over me ALL the time. Especially when he knows he messes up. yet he still proceeds to lie to me. I dont understand. he can look me in the eyes and tell me lies??? this isnt love. just an obsession huh... idont know. He was so sweet to me all the time. He would do anything to me, yet he didnt trust me AT ALL. he told me bc i look so good and he knows that everyone"wants" me. or whatever. And then i find out that he was going behind my back the whole time. His ex was telling me that he calls her all the time and that he tells her that he loves her also. Yet he still loves me to. he said he would always love her bc she was his first or whatever. but i know that if i invited my ex boyfriend to stay with me. he couldnt stand that. Bc my ex boyfriend was my first as well. Im not sure what to think anymore. its so hard to brush it off. I dont know how to get this crud out of my head!! please give me some pointers on how to control myself like trying to call him and waiting on yahoo to see if he will get on. I just dont get it. Please help me.

[cp4200]

From what you've said, this guy is more messed up than you know. He's lying to you, yearning for his ex, crying to you.

 

But the most telling thing that you mentioned is what alarms me the most. That he is trying to control you. He sounds to be a very jealous person, and seems to want you to be his "trophy" girlfriend with comments that you relayed.

 

That is not a good thing, and it will only get worse in time. He has little self confidence, and it appears that he uses you and the relationship to bolster his own sagging confidence and self esteem.

 

If he is dating you because you are good looking, and he thinks that makes him look good, then get as far away from him as you can. He doesn't love you, he is in love with a misconception.

 

Get a life. Don't wait for him to call you, or wait online for him to chat with you. You are setting yourself up for a fall. He's not worth it.

 

Make a decision and get on with it. It will be for the better. Do it, and do it now. The sooner you do, the better you will feel. Your lack of indecision right now is causing you more problems and confusion than you know. If he changes, or proves himself worthy of your affections, you can always go back to him later. But the longer you postpone a decision, the more grief you will put yourself through.

 

Chuck

[jaiva]

You obviously don't need a liar or a cheat as a boyfriend so dump him. Honesty is essential to a relationship and I don't think there is any honesty on his part. I don't know if having other guys meet you at the job where you ex is the manager is a good idea. Your ex sounds like a stalker and he might do some bodily harm but you should know him much better than I do.

Jaiva

[jaiva]

Just be smart with the decisions you make. Because as I said before your ex sounds like a stalker or more like the guy that J.Lo married in the movie Enough.

Jaiva