Interesting Article: hate your ex to move on...

[ImGrowing]

link removed

 

Of course, it's healthier to get to the point where you don't care as much, or you forgive them etc.

 

But, if you still feel like you miss them, and/or want them back, I think going through the hate phase will help you take them off that pedestal sooner.

 

Many say hating them will prolong your healing process, but missing them will do the same, and it hurts worse.

 

So...

 

What do you hate about your ex?

[-Sanguine-]

At this point I think hating him would be easier because then I wouldn't want to text him or see him. But then again, if I was angry, I might be searching for closure which would also prolong the healing process..

 

Maybe I am being silly, but I don't 'hate' anything about my ex. There are things I really don't like that he did to me, but I don't hate anything. I don't like how he leaves everything to the last minute and can never make up his mind. I don't like how he took me for granted, like I would always be there for him. I don't like how he used alcohol as a coping mechanism after his accident. I don't like how I couldn't tell him how I feel about issues in our relationship. I don't like how he didn't want to come to family functions with me.

 

I can't really think of anything else. But that's probably because I really miss him.

[ImGrowing]

"I can't really think of anything else. But that's probably because I really miss him."

 

You won't miss someone you hate though. I think that's why you gotta remind yourself of all the "bad times" and brush off all the good. I mean ALL, at least for now. Later, you might be able to appreciate the good without missing him too much.

[coolchick64]

I wonder if this maps onto the dumper-dumpee distinction, where dumpers leave with more negative feelings and also feel less depressed . . .

 

At any rate, I think it's very healthy to be fully aware if you were mistreated and feel anger about that, rather than idealizing the ex. I'm personally finding this BU much easier because of it. So, what do I hate about the ex? I hate that he lies and uses people, including me!

[ImGrowing]

"I wonder if this maps onto the dumper-dumpee distinction, where dumpers leave with more negative feelings and also feel less depressed"

 

Interesting. I guess dumpees need to mentally dump their ex back. I've cried less ever since I decide to do just that.

[coolchick64]

^^^^ yeah, that's a powerful step and I think it's very VERY important.

[pillowtalk]

I think "hate," is a really strong word, but I think realizing that your ex wasn't all that, and have negative feelings about them, does help you to move on, because you start to see all the bad traits about them and it knocks them off that pedestal.

[Tired Tiger]

The study involved 65 undergraduates who had recently broken up with someone...

 

An extremely small number from a very narrow demographic, in the middle of emotional distress. I think those findings are dubious, at best.

 

Hate is never the best answer. For anything.

[ImGrowing]

There seems to be a stigma about the word hate. Hate doesn't mean you want them dead etc. You just dislike them intensely. I agree that all statistics are flawed one way or another, but it's just another way of looking at things I guess, if hating their ex helps someone, then they should do it. It's pretty much, whatever works ...works. Everyone copes differently.

[theartofruin]

If I didn't hate my ex-girlfriend I don't think I would be healing anywhere near as fast as I am. In fact hate isn't even a strong enough word.

 

But then, not all relationships end badly so it might be impossible to 'hate' your ex partner. Resent them, focus on their flaws, sure. But hate?

[ImGrowing]

When I say hate them, I mean that you just want to get to a point where, the thought of getting back together with them, makes you want to throw up in your mouth, and say "eeewww gross!" lol

[hidden_kitten]

Haven't read the article yet, but at this point at my life I agree that it is easier to move on if you 'hate' the ex. I would never ever want to try again with my first ex, because I see now how he used me, then ditched me and was generally an idiot of a person, but we were both teenagers at the time (further strengthening my feelings that I do not need to revisit that relationship). My most recent relationship is proving to be a beeatch of a thing to get over, because we had to end simply because we were not moving forward in the way we would have liked to and were not on the same page regarding careers and life path, so I constantly play over in my mind "what if...?". He is also the most genuinely sweet guy I have met so far in my life and would never want to hate him for the sake of letting him go. I'm not sure what his answer would be though, he would tell me in the same breath "I would never dream of hating you, don't ever think that....but by leaving you have hurt me in ways I have never felt before".

[The_Seeker]

Hate is a strong word, but I just don't really really really like you.

 

 

LOL It's a song.

 

 

I love hate my ex.

[MissyMolly]

I wrote a post it note and put it on my fridge that said "Hang on to the hate until you make it to indifference." It was the only thing that worked for me.

If you want a very FUNNY read, grab the book called "How To Heal The Hurt By Hating" - truly funny, poignant story about a woman who was dumped, and her journey to healing.