Am I jumping to onclusions?

[LostOne01]

OP your wife is screaming red alarms all over her explanations. You need to be very careful and watch how your wife acts from now on. And you're not paranoid or controlling so don't let these people describe you like that. Just be careful for now. The ATM and condom thing would have me in a whirlwind also.

[Dropping]

She's cheating.

 

80% chance one of you will cheat in the relationship. I assume you haven't.

 

Red flags all over the place. Dancing with a guy and won't tell you who it is. Locked herself in the bathroom (For what reason?..) Work hours fluctuating.. Evidence of condom's being bought, and then a flimsy excuse for why..

 

Sorry, but she's cheated on you. Keep in mind, women cheat more than men these days.

 

So, if I was you.. I'd put on the snooping glasses. Be discreet. Watch. Listen. Observe.

Maybe make unannounced surprise visits to her sometimes, etc.

 

What do you know about her sister? Is she a "loose" woman? Does she have any cheating in her past? Does she speak bad about her significant other? Does she always oogle other men, etc.

 

If yes, then it's most likely the sister knows and supports it. How many other times has she cheated? etc. Opens up a lot of dark, empty spaces in places you don't want open.

 

I'm pretty confident in my post. I've almost never been wrong on a cheating woman. I can pinpoint them from planets away

[The_Seeker]

I just finished reading your post, OP. I didn't feel like reading everyone's thread. >_

 

I would be paranoid just like you.

 

What paranoids me are the condom (O_o; I mean she's married to you, you probably have that taken care of anyhoooo), and that she was dancing with the other lad in the office.

 

For me, I prefer to bring my special someone to the office party rather than a sibling.

 

I don't know, it's just me. LOL I probably get this idea from my parents. If my mom is going to a party, she brings my dad. If my dad is going to a party, he brings her. I guess they have some sort of respect or my dad is super jealous. So who knows.

 

I don't think you are jumping conclusions. I would react the same way. Especially that damn condom.

[generaldiscord]

OP, how is this working out? I want an update!

[3boys]

I want to preface this by saying I obviously don't know your wife, nor do I know her mindset, but, as a woman, I don't buy her "excuse" for getting the abortion. I also had a tooth abscess when I was pregnant and the dentist prescribed me an antibiotic that was 100% safe to take during pregnancy. But you HAVE a 4 year old??? Was this other pregnancy before or after the birth of your "existing" child? If it was after, it may have been that she simply did not want another child, not necessarily that it may not have been yours...although, if you find out that she HAS been cheating

 

I also would be skeptical of her behavior regarding the ATM receipt, the condom instructions, and the office party. I don't understand how she can "forget" the day OF the withdrawal, but somehow magically "remember" 8 months later. The condom instructions are fishy because a 4-year old would be more drawn to the condom packages themselves rather than the instructions (I know this based on experience with my own children finding "balloons").

[lavenderdove]

When I was married, i found a shriveled up condom under the bed while cleaning and was perplexed because at the time we weren't using them and hadn't for a long time.

 

I asked my ex about it, and he replied that our dog probably fished it out of a trash basket somewhere and had chewed on it and carried it under the bed to chew... i had an odd unsettled feeling at the time because it had been so long since we'd used one and i thought to myself, and our dog never did drag things under the bed to chew (too big a dog to fit under there), and also but shouldn't it have been totally dried out or the wastebasket taken out a long time ago? When i said the dog was too big to get under there, he replied, maybe it's been under there since when he was smaller and could fit...

 

Even though i was unnerved, i gave him the benefit of the doubt because i had no other 'evidence'.

 

I MUCH later found out he was cheating with someone from work (and possibly more than one) and in retrospect realized he was bringing her home to our house at lunch and cheating in our bed, since our house was only a few minutes from his work and i never came home during the day...

 

In the OP's case, i personally see it very unlikely that a 4 year old would just happen to fish in a drawer for a piece of paper and just happen to decide it was a good idea to put it in mommy's purse. Children also would be far more attracted to the foil pouches and play with the 'balloon' and not even bother with a piece of paper in the box nor play with it.

 

i think a far more likely story is his wife chucked a box of condoms in her purse and used them and threw away the box without realizing the instructions had fallen into the bottom of her purse.

 

I think with most cheaters it is very hard to catch them, but you will over time start to see an accumulation of little odd things that eventually click and then you know for sure. It took me several more years after that incident for more things to 'add up' until he came home from a business trip with a very visible STD he did not catch from me, and i then KNEW he was cheating (and threw him out). But he kept lying and lying and never did admit to the cheating, even though he was stone cold busted!

 

He tried to pass of the infection as a staph infection from throwing his bicycle shorts on the floor and re-wearing them without laundering, but he refused to go to the doctor to get antibiotics and he was quite the hypochrondriac so i knew he was scared to go to the Dr. for fear the Dr. would report the STD to me! And i also looked up STD pictures on the web and what he had was clearly a nasty herpes outbreak, not a staph infection. So i knew he was busted and though he continued to deny it, i had him throw out of the house entirely within the month and divorced him.

 

Cheaters will often tell very detailed and seemingly plausible excuses to try to explain away the evidence, until you either have insurmountable evidence such as i had, or they are literally caught with the person they are cheating with. Nost cheaters become very good liars from all the covering up they do.

 

Anyway, my suggestion to the OP is to keep your eyes and ears open and perhaps if you are genuinely suspicious, hire a private detective to follow her. And don't tell her your suspicions, or she'll just lie and cover up better.

[3boys]

Also, in regards to her "dumping he purse out in front of him"....she was intoxicated at the time so I highly doubt she was thinking "Oh, I have the instructions for condoms in here, I better not do this". No, she was thinking "I need a tissue and there are some in here somewhere". When she saw the paper, she probably did what I do when something like that happens: blame it on the kids~LOL!

 

Also, regarding "switching purses" that someone brought up...when I switch purses, I usually only switch over the important things like my wallet, epi-pen, pens, lip balm, etc. Especially if I'm in a hurry. I figure I'll go through it later. I recently switched back to a purse I hadn't used in a couple of years and found a receipt in it from 2006 So who knows how long those instructions had been in there (if she has multiple purses)