have either done something very brave or very stupid

[ned2010]

i doubt i scared her, i kept my cool and didnt get all soppy and lovey dovey and it was a nice comment so hmm

[thekid55]

i doubt i scared her, i kept my cool and didnt get all soppy and lovey dovey and it was a nice comment so hmm

 

There's no point in you posting anymore new threads becuase you just repeat the same mistakes over and over and over.

 

You ignore all of our advice.

 

Grow a backbone dude. No girl will ever take you seriously.

[Ms Darcy]

Ya but you were clearly bothered - hence the reason you contacted her to find out if she has a boyfriend. Then she said she did and you retaliated by trying to throw some chick at her. Like "Ya? You have a boyfriend? Well I might be meeting someone over new years". (Yes, I get you said that after you wished her well, but you still did it).

 

Then you fed her ego by confirming you still think of her.

 

So I wouldnt say stupid (cause thats a bit harsh and you dont need to beat yourself up over it) but chalk it up to a lesson learned and try not to do it again.

 

I completely agree with this. This isn't brave. I don't think you really accept that a girl who's left you and returned and left again doesn't really love you.

[bish0p2004]

I completely agree with this. This isn't brave. I don't think you really accept that a girl who's left you and returned and left again doesn't really love you.

 

Agreed and one of the other things that make on and off relationships so tough is when it's finally off, it's harder to accept it because you've become conditioned to the entire process of breaking up getting back together, breaking up, getting back together and so on, and this pattern becomes acceptable.

 

At some point, one of the parties (the dumper) is gonna see it as a hopeless cause and completely move on, while the dumpee is just gonna think that this time is going to be like every other time and not realize that this may finally be it.

 

This is one of the things that happened in my relationship and why I had trouble letting go for so long.

[ned2010]

.............

[bish0p2004]

Yeah it sucks, man, and I got chewed for telling someone to move forward, but really, what other choice do you have? I mean, it's not going to make the pain go away all of sudden, but once you start taking the steps to move forward, then that's when the healing begins.

 

Now, one of the first steps you can take is to proactively change your thoughts from "I hope you she comes back" to "She's most likely not coming back right now" and from "I have changed and I'm better man, and I need to show her this now" to "I've learned a lot from this experience and I'm a better person for it, if my ex comes back...cool...if not...cool." Began to tell yourself that you can live without her and that you will be just fine in life. This is not an easy task...but, it's doable.

 

Truly believing these thoughts and KNOWING that they apply to you is what attracts people to you. It could potentially attract your ex back...but in order for you to have a chance at getting her back, you first have to let her go completely. Contradictory it seems, but more often than not, it truly is the case, which is why people tend to believe that they come back at that point when you're really trying to move on.

 

So, now it is more important than ever to be proactive with your thoughts, and when you start to believe your thoughts, that is when your feelings began to change. This takes time...for some, it's longer than others.

 

Then when you're ready, you can start backing these thoughts up with action. For instance, going to the gym, hanging out with friends, dating again, and trying new things and doing things to improve your life and make it better.

[Bobbadoo]

As Bishop says, you have to change your mindset. I remember my first month after the break up all I did was hope and that drove me insane and I was a mess. I stopped hoping and starting believing. I told myself she WILL come back as long as I do these things (ie. improving myself, healing up). From there once I started to heal, my mindset changed from she WILL to comeback to I WILL find someone new and it just keeps building up from there. Give yourself a positive mindset even if it seems impossible. Its just going to build up and next thing you know you may not want your ex anymore.

 

Starting with your mindset saying your ex is not likely going to come back will make you mope and not make you active. Believing that it will happen sets you on a positive course towards healing and a better mindset.

 

I know saying your ex WILL be back is not moving on but its more likely a sense of not letting go but it kicks starts you in the right direction. You want to motivate yourself to move and having a positive mindset is much better then having a negative mindset. Its just the way I've been dealing with my break up and I feel way better then I did a month ago.