I need to know if he is Gay.

[josephrob123]

I am a closeted gay male and i recently have found someone whom I have grown to love.

As a closeted gay, I know how it is to roam the world acting straight to fit in, and so I know most of the signs myself. I just need to know if this guy is gay. I am getting all the signs that he is but since he thinks I am straight, I believe he will not come out to me.

 

The first thing that set me off was that when he was around anyone all he talks about is sex with women. He always talks about how much he likes women and sex with them to a point where others just ignore him when he starts to talk about sex. He makes it a point to tell you that he likes to have sex with women.

 

The second thing is the eye contact. He always makes eye contact with me for 3-4 seconds while talking, looks away for a second and makes eye contact again. He hold it for a long time, and then when we are done talking we hold eye contact for a few moments then it breaks. We always smile and giggle a little when we first see each other.

 

The third thing is how close he gets to me. We have spent a lot of time together and it seems that he goes out of his way (as do I) to have 'accidental' touches. When we hand one another something, we both make it a point to touch each others hand and slowly grab the item from one another as to get the most touching as possible. When he comes over to my house, which is everyday, he sits right next to me, close enough to make our arms/hands/legs touch.

 

If it were not for this last factor I would have already asked him and came out of the closet myself for him. He has a girlfriend. He says he has sex with this girl all the time, but recently he has been spending all his time with me. Tuesday during the day, he ditched his girlfriend to spend time with me, and then he invited me to goto see Harry Potter with him and his girlfriend. I watched how they interacted and they never once kissed. They held hands and cuddled for a little bit, but other than that no real physical contact.

 

It is Thanksgiving and he is coming over to my house today and spending the night, which has happened many times (he sleeps on the couch in the living room). I want to tell him that I am gay and have feelings for him, but I do not want to loose him as a friend.

 

From what I have said, do y'all think he is gay? And should I be the first one to make the move and tell him how I feel?

[FathomFear]

All the things you mentioned, in my experience, can be found in straight guys.

 

Eye contact and slight physical touches (hands on shoulder, etc) is usually just a sign of overall confidence. I know lots of straight guys who interact this way.

 

But in any case, I would take a step back and prioritize correctly. Attempting to initiate a relationship while closeted almost never works. I would highly, highly recommend tackling that issue first. You need to take steps to come out to your friends and family. That will set the foundation where you can initiate relationships. Not only will it allow you to reach out to people you're interested in, it will set the stage for people to approach you.

[NANsense]

Hun, his closeness, touching, eye contact, etc--well, if a guy was acting that way with me I'd say he was making an obvious move! Guys simply aren't that touchy feely--unless they are attracted (most anyway)....

 

But, I'd hate to say he deff. is and have it backfire on you....it sounds like yout inner voice is telling you he is! Do you know yourself to ever be wrong on that?

 

P.S....I realize you prefer for ppl to not know your sexuality--I'm not gay, so I don't know first hand what it's like to feel unsafe--or that biased, stupid, insecure ppl might target you for harassment BUT IMO a friend--a real friend should NOT judge you on the basis of your sexuality--or anything else for that matter & for that reason alone I'd think you should be able to tell him. right?

 

If he's your friend he should have no issue--if it turns out he's also gay? and he feels as you do?

 

I hope this works out for you one way or the other!

[Mephisto13]

It sounds that you're having fun with him. Why not just accept it for what it is, and let this relationship blossom into something on it's own, without forcing the issue?

 

If it turns out he isn't gay, you'll have fallen in love with a straight guy. I'm sure you aren't the first to do that. If it turns out he's gay, this playing will eventually go into a relationship...just keep an eye out for that moment where you either both come out, or one of you does and the other doesn't.

 

I say, enjoy it while you can and let it flow. Let this take it's natural course, for better for worse.

[shuttlefish]

Tell him you are gay but don't tell him you "have feelings for him" Let him absorb this new info for a while, then work your way up to more. It is possible that he already suspects you are gay and likes him and is teasing you some.

 

From what you described, he sure sounds gay or bi. Straight guys just aren't that touchy/feely, long eye contact.... and giggling? no way lol

Though it is possible you are seeing what you want to see, and interpreting it the way you hope.

[josephrob123]

Thanks for all the advise. I so want the relationship to become more than friends but I don't want to loose him.

 

I have something to add which might help with answers. I work with this guy and he always tries to be as close as possible. When I do something he always is there with me. Even if the task is a one person job.

 

I have a openly gay supervisor that told me that he believes him to be gay. And my roommates call him my boyfriend because he is always over. When we went to the movies, I invited a friend to go with me, and even though the person in question had his gf with him, he told me he thinks he may be gay.

 

I don't know what to think and I don't want to ruin the friendship. I am asking now how do I go about either asking him or coming out to him.

[Normand]

I hate to rain on your parade, but I don't have the confidence to make a judgment call on this person's sexuality based on the evidence you provided; even more important is that I don't think it is very likely that you'll have an easy time pursuing a romantic relationship with him, even if he is gay and his "talk" about sex with women is nothing but an act. He is in a relationship with a woman, and talks about hetero sex all the time --- if he IS gay, he's in deep denial about it. Don't expect someone like this to have a sudden awakening and come running into your arms.

I understand how difficult it is to have grown to care about someone, while the reaction from the other party is ambiguous at best. Since you are still in the closet, things could be unnecessarily complicated. Maybe things will be clearer if you first think about why you are so attracted to this person. Is his allure more than just the physical? Are there any signs that he cares about you (as a friend or otherwise)? Has he been a good friend to you? Is he treating you with the respect you deserve? Is he an open-minded person that has in any way shown compassion toward the gay community? If your answer for all these questions are a definitive yes, give it a try. Even if you cannot have him as a lover, you'll know what kind of friend he is.

[fuddiduddy]

Men are very very visual creatures. With this in mind, this is one really fool proof way to gauge his true interest in the opposite sex, without asking him or mentioning a thing (and you must remember to observe very closely):

 

When you two are together in public, observe how closely he checks out different types of beautiful women. If you notice other men checking out a particular attractive female, look to see if HE is doing the same thing. You must observe this over the course of a few days involving several types of beautiful females that most guys would go ga-ga over (since even guys have "types" that they prefer). If you notice consistently that his eyes dart everywhere except these "beautiful" women, then chances are good that he truly isn't straight, since straight guys are NEVER always so oblivious to the presence of attractive females.

 

This, in my experience, has confirmed gayness/straightness umpteen times, even before they were comfortable enough to come out to me.

 

 

[alcide]

well have a conversation with him about gays see or hear his views, u dont need to make a move on him but just tell him in the conversation that you donot mind it with a man , see how he takes it and then if it turns out bad make as if you are just kidding about it.. soo try to see...

[josephrob123]

Thanks again for more advise.

 

I think I am going to bring up the topic of gays today and see how he feels. He already told me some of his past Beat friends were gay. So I think it will be easy to bring up.

 

All the things y'all have said about the signs that show he is gay are spot on. I will let y'all know how it goes and what happens.

 

Thanks again and if anyone has any other signs to look for to see if he is gay I would love to know.

[AstrallyMundan]

Best of luck man, if someone could luck out and have romance work out that'd be nice.