Help Me

[Deeplydepressed]

I have been broken up with my boyfriend for about 3 months now and have dated other people. I would desperately would like to try to contact him and see if there is still something there. They way we broke up was sorta odd. Him telling me he wanted to date me, but also date other girls. Well, I said no that's not okay and then when I tried to contact him and tell him I wanted him back he avoided me totally and wouldn't return my messages. So I never really got any closure. I know I still love him cause I have never obessed over any other man in my past like this. What I want to know is what do I say to him if I decide to contact him. I have a tendency to come on strong when I just say what's on my mind at that moment. So a letter would probrably be best. Any ideas?

[Beec]

I would definitely not say what's on your mind.

 

Instead, I'd try to get some contact with him and convey the message that he was nuts to want to look anywhere else.

 

The big thing to try to figure out is what changed in your relationship before the break.

[lady00]

You should probably find out if he's seeing someone else...

[Deeplydepressed]

Should I ask his friend if he's dating anyone? How do I find out?

[lady00]

i dunno if you should ask his friend...it would probably get back to him. you need to ask someone you trust who won't tell him that you asked.

[Deeplydepressed]

That's the only person that would be able to tell me I think. I didn't have friends that were friends with him.

[Mun]

Hi there,

If he broke up with you 3 months ago and he has not tried to contact you I would say don't contact him. It will look like begging and you don't want that. If you must contact him then call him and leave a message just saying hello and very brief.

 

Leave it up to him to contact you then. If he does not call then you have your answer and its time to keep moving on. If he calls you, then keep it light and friendly ( if you want him back). Give him a chance to remember what a great girl you are.

 

If anyone is going to bring up the past and why you broke up--let it be him.

Good luck.

[Deeplydepressed]

I have sat and analyze this to death with my friend and my mother. I cry and cry and yesterday was even looking to see if there was at least a medical diagnoses for the way I've been feeling. I want him to be happy but can't bear the thought of him with someone else and wonder if he at all regrets breaking up with me. God, I wish life were more like a movie,then we'd reunite and things would be somewhat happy, not perfect, but nice. I don't need him for happiness, but I just loved him so much, but I never told him. My mother says to email him or send him a little text message, while others tell me not to do anything, but doing nothing is eating me up inside? Could I at least just email him or at least text his friend and ask if he's single first? I already know I want to email or text him, but I have not the slighest idea what to write. I'm not exactlly good with words. Can ya'll help me out?

[Mun]

Hi,

You can call and say " hi this is so&so I just wanted to say hello and see how you are doing. You can reach me at ###-####" that's it. Try to get his machine so that you don't talk to him and feel awkward. Leave it up to him at that point to call you back.

 

If he doesn't call you then you know he wasn't interested in starting something and you move on. Best of luck!

[Deeplydepressed]

Please tell me yes or no. Is a email or text message just as good. I don't want to call or leave a voice message.

[Mun]

Choose the one you know he will receive. The one that won't leave you wondering " did he get my message?"

 

Good luck !

[Deeplydepressed]

Okay. I sent the email and got a reply back. He said he's been thinking about me then went on to talk about what has been going on in his life. He said something about having alot of time available. What should I do now? Should I invite him to hangout with me or what?

[Mun]

Hey that's great. Write back a short and sweet note and include your number. That way he can call you and you can get this going offline

[shylah]

I would be VERY careful about setting your hopes very high. Alot of guys will use that as an excuse to mess around with other people. You have to ask yourself if he said these things because he means it or if he said them because you are all that is available to him right now. I know this sounds harsh but it happens, ALOT!

[Deeplydepressed]

Okay, So I emailed back and he didn't reply. I'm confused and bummed. I'm so sad. I just want to tell him how I feel and then if I am rejected again I'll run to the therapists office. If I don't I'm afraid I'll obess and regret that I didn't. I just need to make sure there is nothing there still. What do you think?

[Michael2]

THis is why you do not contact someone who dumped you.

 

Why, because no matter you say, it will not change THEIR feelings.

 

Make him come to you , if not, you will continue to hurt yourself over and over again.

 

You are right back to square one again, thinking over and over again what happened, what is he doing, does he love me. We have all been there, and I guarantee talking to him will drive him further away and just show him that you are still thinking of him.

 

 

[Deeplydepressed]

So that's the way it always works huh? What if he never wants me back though? I mean could it really hurt to tell him how I feel in letter form? I thought honesty was always the best policy. I hate living in a world where people can't just express there feelings. So it would be totally wrong to write him back?

[Mun]

It's better not to contact him again until he contacts you. You shouldn't tell him how you feel yet because he hasn't told you how HE feels. Why jump the gun? You don't want to scare him away and you certainly don't want him to feel as if you are pushing yourself on him. The best thing is to let things happen on their own.

 

You say "what if he never wants me back" --you can't make him want you. He is going to or he is not, there's nothing you can do to force it to happen. If you control your impulses and let him come to you at least you would have not put your feelings out to get crushed.

[Belle]

I sure wish I had read this thread before you contacted him. Considering he wanted to see others, I don't think it was a good idea to contact him at all. To answer your question " What if he never wants me back though"... this is a no brainer. If he never wants you back, trying to control the situation to make him want you back is basically asking to be used and tortured worse than you are now. You have to let go. You should be interested in those that want you, it's extremely unhealthy and damaging to your self esteem to want someone who clearly doesn't want you.

 

If you let it, the obsession will die down, you will think more clearly and learn to respect yourself and your decision to not be a doormat. But trying to find different angles and excuse his behavior are only going to get you more entwined with this.

 

Please don't contact this jerk again. He's not worth it. I promise you.

[Deeplydepressed]

Is it wrong to just happen to show up at one of his concerts. I am a fan of the music and was before I met him. I mean, I don't think he hates me, but I'm not sure of his feelings towards me at all.

[belle4]

honey, you need to STOP doing this to yourself. Its like running yourself into a brick wall...over, and over, and over again. You keep getting all bruised up but with nothing in return. Is this how you want to treat yourself? Don't worry about what he is doing, worry about yourself and get healthy again. You're so young, I'm sure you have your own ambitions in life. Plus, enjoy being single, sooner or later you'll be married (if you want) and you'll never get this time ever.....flirt, be cute, be fun, get your nails done, go shopping. The more positive you are, the more others will be attracted to you, its been proven to work, I am living proof! I'm still not "over" my ex but its weird because I'm attracting more people in my life than ever and even tho being positive is like faking it at first, soon it'll become real.

 

If you want to go to the concert with friends, go ahead but honestly, its best to just stay clear from him for a while until you can control those emotions. He may contact you in the future, maybe he just wants things to die down for a while.

[Mun]

Hi there,

I don't think going to the concert is a good idea. Imagine this: you go because you love the music and he completely ignores you. How will you feel then?

 

The best thing is to act as if you don't care at all. Leave him alone. If he wants you then he will be back, but you are not helping yourself or the situation by trying to "force" it to happen.

[Deeplydepressed]

Okay. I did it. I contacted him and asked him to meet me for a drink. he couldn't that day, but agreed to meet me another day. What the heck do I say to him when I go out with him. I mean he knew the cold me. The I don't want anybody to touch me. I have blackouts sometimes because I think something traumatic happened to me when I was young so when it came to sex I was very cold and unresponsive. I was very unaffectionate too.This I believe is why he broke up with me. I'm emailed him because that is what my heart told me to do and I believe that sometimes just holding something in is worst for me. I love him, but have never told him and wouldn't just yet. I feel that he is the one for me. I really honestly do and usually I am right about these things. So anywho what do I say to the guy without scaring him off. I don't know if he has a girlfriend.

[Mun]

Well first of all, don't ask him if he has a girlfriend. AT ALL. Second, don't say anything about your feelings or ask him why he broke up with you. In fact, don't talk about the past at all ---unless he brings it up.

 

Concentrate on having a good time and being your adorable, sweet self. That is all you have to worry about. ( you reveal too much at this point and you are killing any chance that you will get back together)

[Deeplydepressed]

I'm one of those people who just has to express to the other person what they are feeling. I think in are society we hide our feelings why to much. I emailed my ex because I do still love him after being away from him for 3 months. I sat down and though to myself why do I love him and I was able to come up with quite a few reasons. I basically wrote in my email that I did miss him and want his company and that I believe everyone deserves a second chance in life. I know that he more than likely broke up with me because I was so cold and untrusting and too top it off I was depressed and indulged in alot of self hate talk. And I was very self consciousness about sex and that would suck for anyone. Well, anyway he said he was free tomorrow night and I figure I'll just be myself. If it feels weird whatever. My question is though can't I just meet him somewhere with all my friends just in the rare event that I get stood up and then at least I'll still have fun?