Ending long term friendship

[Galaxo]

Mid last year wound up having to tell her if she did not give me space and time I was done. She finally did stop calling and waited.

 

A few months later she told someone something that was said in confidence. Said I was done. She apologized right off and then waited about a month to contact me and stayed pretty far away for a few months.

 

At this point there is absolutely nothing she can do or say. I am supposedly her best friend but do not feel she treats me like a normal friend would at all. She would be there for me if I really needed help or something, but other than that nothing. There is no middle ground I guess would be the way to explain it. Has not done anything wrong really, but not doing anything right either.

 

I have one thing I agreed to do to help her a while back and I plan on keeping my word. After that, I have no idea what to do or say to end it. I do not want to be mean, I do not want it to sound like something is wrong with her. I just want to end it and do not think just saying I do not want to be friends anymore is going to get her to go away.

[lavenderdove]

The best way to end it with people like her who don't 'get' what friendship about is to just quietly slip away without a scene. You've told her enough times what is acceptable behavior and she keeps violating it, so it is just time to let go.

 

Keep your word to her on the thing you promised to help with, then after that, just stop responding to her phone calls or texts and don't return any calls or have contact with her. She'll get the point eventually. She's already proved talking to her doesn't work, so just show her by her actions that she is out of your life.

[Galaxo]

So don't say anything at all? In a way this is going to come out of the blue on her end. She has not done anything recently and we have been talking, hanging out (sorta) for the last 10 months. This is not about those times. She has not done anything wrong other than those two times, I just don't consider whatever it is we do have at this point as really being a friendship. Thinking back, the last 3 years or so I wouldn't, even before anything happened. One of those it just didn't work out things or it fizzled, nobody's fault. It is time for us to go separate ways though.

[lavenderdove]

Do you really want to start that conversation? ie., say, you've done nothing wrong but i don't want it anymore... she's either going to ask questions or feel very angry or hurt and wonder why. because the truth is there IS something wrong or you'd keep her as a friend. either you're bored with her, or you don't like her or whatever, but you either have to tell her the truth or just quietly fade away.

 

You can do it by only responding to say every third contact she makes, and never actually meeting up with her or answering the phone when she calls. then just slowly answer less and less, til you're not at all. people do frequently just drift out of each other's lives, and there doesn't have to be a big scene about it or make her feel bad about herself because you openly declare you think she's not worthy of your friendship.

 

i actually think in cases like this it is kinder to just wean her off you over time and let it fade out naturally since you don't see her that often to begin with rather than tell her the lie that there is nothing wrong (when there obviously is or you wouldn't be dumping her). She will know it's a lie, and wonder what she did wrong, even if you told her it was nothing.

[Galaxo]

Got ya, understood. Thanks.