Rejected before we even met!

[laboheme]

We exchanged a few fun messages and decided to meet up. We set a place and a day, but the timing didn't work out because of my prior commitments. He was leaving town the next day and proposed meeting up this week instead. I agreed, suggesting a couple of possible days. Upon his return, he sent me a message asking if I was still free on X day. I agreed and suggested a time.

 

Radio silence. (And the date has since passed.)

 

Is it worth it to send him another message? If so, what would it say?

[Jd1983]

Honestly, if he's already stood you up the first time. I would not send him another message.

 

If he truly wants to get in contact with you, he will find a way to do so. There is no reason that you have to make yourself seem so available to him. He has your number and he knows where to contact you.

[blueeyedme]

I would take a pass on that one. My guess is that he is probably not really single.

[laboheme]

Honestly, if he's already stood you up the first time. I would not send him another message.

 

If he truly wants to get in contact with you, he will find a way to do so. There is no reason that you have to make yourself seem so available to him. He has your number and he knows where to contact you.

 

Well, the only reason that I have is that I'm bored and lonely and don't have any other options (at least not from that site). He doesn't actually have my number; the communication took place entirely via that site's messaging system.

 

Maybe he was turned off by the fact that when we were planning the first date, I told him that it had to be earlier at night, as I had other plans later on? Maybe he took that to mean that I was "double-booking" (even though my plans were not another date, but rather a weekly commitment that I generally don't discuss with people I barely know).

[ibu]

Did you go to the meeting place and time that you suggested?

Or did you not go because you heard no confirmation from him and just let it pass?

 

In any case, it sounds like he's making excuses. I would cut my losses and move on.

[laboheme]

Did you go to the meeting place and time that you suggested?

Or did you not go because you heard no confirmation from him and just let it pass?

 

I didn't go because I heard no confirmation. In my mind, no confirmation = no date.

 

Do you mean to suggest that some people think that confirmation is not necessary and would show up anyway? Oh dear, what if he showed up at that time and thought that I stood him up?

[ibu]

I don't know if he needed confirmation or not. There's always a possibility that he went. But I'm not sure. It's strange, to say the least, that he didn't contact you again.

If I were you I'd want confirmation as well, I guess that's only normal.

[oldenoughtoknow]

"Upon his return, he sent me a message asking if I was still free on X day. I agreed and suggested a time. Radio silence."

 

Did you also agree to where you were going to meet?

 

Confirming is a very subjective thing. If a plan was made a week or more ahead of time, I usually confirm a day or two before. If a plan was made 3 or 4 day ago, I almost never confirm. Between 4 and 7 is a gray area.

 

My opinion: if you agreed to a date and a time and a place within 3 or 4 days ahead of time, there's a good chance you stood him up.

[laboheme]

"Upon his return, he sent me a message asking if I was still free on X day. I agreed and suggested a time. Radio silence."

 

Did you also agree to where you were going to meet?

 

Confirming is a very subjective thing. If a plan was made a week or more ahead of time, I usually confirm a day or two before. If a plan was made 3 or 4 day ago, I almost never confirm. Between 4 and 7 is a gray area.

 

My opinion: if you agreed to a date and a time and a place within 3 or 4 days ahead of time, there's a good chance you stood him up.

 

The place wasn't mentioned after his return. I assumed that it was going to be the place we agreed on before he left and was expecting his to respond with something like "Sure, time Y works for me. Still meeting at place Z, right?" or "Okay, see you at time Y at place Z."

 

Ugh. So I guess there is a possibility that I stood him up. Does this warrant an apology on my part? (But what if that's not what happened and I seem like a crazy person for apologizing?)

[oldenoughtoknow]

No, not if you didn't have a place agreed upon. Don't rule out the inevitable possibility that a text was dropped somewhere. That's why I hate texting for anything other than idle chitchat. I would send him a text (yeah, I'm funny that way) saying something like "I don't know what happened on X day. If you've changed your mind about meeting, I wish you luck in your search." At least that will give you an answer - even if there's no response at all.