I Don't Want To Date You Because You're Too Pretty?

[newwave]

Same here. I know this sounds like a cliche, but beautiful women are at an disadvantage when it comes to dating. I can completely relate to the op because it's happened to me. I never have a probelm getting hit on,but yeah many guys are insecure (former model here).

[LillyLooWho]

I think some of the responses on here are helpful, and others are cruel. I'm not trying to come accross as conceded by posting this dilemma, I honestly have struggled with this a lot. Even with friendships, girls tend to not want to go out with me becuase they feel like I'll get all the attention, when that NEVER happens! Guys get intimidated or so I hear and as LillyLoo said it is confusing for me.

 

The problem with a "problem" like this is like saying "I have so much money, I don't know what to do". For the person with the dilemma, it is a real honest to goodness problem, but for those who have never experienced it, they think "what problem?" It is not an issue with you. It is an issue with others having a perception that people who have good looks and lots of money have no problems. Most people have a hard time giving someone with these kinds of problems sympathy. When you look at it that way, you can kind of see why they turn to the ol' "you're conceited" mantra. People don't mean to be cruel (usually) but they just don't get it.

[lavenderdove]

don't miss the point that EVERYONE has trouble dating, all for different reasons. you are attributing a direct cause and effect relationship between your looks and not getting a lot of dates, but most people don't get a lot of dates, but mainly because everyone is fickle about their reasons why they will date or not date this person or that.

 

so your problem isn't that you're 'pretty' your problem is the same as everyone else's, which is 'how do i find a pool of people who i have enough in common with that we'll want to date?'

 

so start focusing on situations where you will meet people with similar interests, where you have time to get to know each other in a non-pressure situation (unlike bars which are terrible places to meet anyone you want to take seriously other than a one night stand).

 

If you connect with a guy on several levels, he will ask you out. And more importantly, you should start asking guys you like out as well. If you are afraid they are holding back because they are afraid you will reject them if they ask, then get to know them a bit first, then you do the asking and problem is solved.

 

btw, i don't know anyone who is in a good relationship who would tell the person, 'you are out of my league and that is why i'm breaking up with you.' People in great relationships don't break up, and people who are unhappy with the relationship will frequently lie when giving the breakup reason to try to soften the blow and minimize the pain of the breakup for the person they are dating. So perhaps they are breaking up with you because they feel they don't click with you, or they are bored, or they met someone more exciting to them, but they will cast around for a more pleasant excuse as to why they left as in 'you're out of my league and deserve better' which is an attempt to make you feel better rather than the truth which is 'i'm bored wtih you,' or 'i hate that you do X, Y or Z which gets on my nerves....'

 

So don't put so much weight on these statements about your looks when looking for a solution to dating problems. instead focus on getting out there and meeting as many men as possible, getting to know them a bit, then if you find someone you like who you think is afraid you'll reject him, just ask him out yourself. finding a partner is really a numbers game, and the more people you interact with and meet, the better your chances of finding someone who really does click with you. Many, many people won't click with you, but you only need one person in the end and if you meet enough people you will find him.

[BriarRose]

Yeah, I would never break up with someone because they are exceptionally good looking. BUT to be honest, I might be hesistant to date them in the first place.

[AndreaJV08]

A concern such as that often tells just how much a guy's willing to date you, which is a good thing because it shows that he cares, but that also being the reason why he doesn't want to date you seems like he believes that he may not be good enough for you? If you're as pretty as they say you are, I can't help but would say the same thing if it came down to it. A guy would love to have a beautiful girl (in and out) at their side, but the fact that she's extremely beautiful would cause him to worry -- and paranoid at times -- whenever she's not with him.

 

I don't know if this even makes the slightest ounce of sense, but it just has to come down to showing them how loyal you are -- and judging by your posts, you do seem like the type of woman to stay loyal to somebody, in spite of how much flirting you would receive from other guys.

[aint_no]

Sorry if this has already been brought up...didn't bother reading all of the post. But why doesn't OP post a picture? It would be worth a thousand words.

[Marisa33]

Sorry if this has already been brought up...didn't bother reading all of the post. But why doesn't OP post a picture? It would be worth a thousand words.

 

I'm not going to post a picture to strangers, sorry that just doesn't sound safe. To give you an idea though, I am a burnette with light skin and eyes. Almost all my prior bf's have dated blondes until they meet me. I'm always the first burnette they have dated and I find it funny because they always say I've changed them forever and made them look at blondes as not attractive anymore because of me.

 

It looks like everyone has their own opinion, and I appreciate the girls and guys who are being helpful and not saying hurtful things as others have. You really don't know what I'm talking about unless you've been in the situation, even some have said they are hesitant when dating good looking people. So I suppose it's not uncommon to feel this way. I never once said btw, that I can't get a date...that's the easy part. The hard part is finding someone who isn't just into me for my looks and actually wants a real relationship and not just to F*** me. Then I get guys who start to date me then find themselves unsure of commitment to me because they think I'm too pretty. A guy I dated in college used to say he hated how much guys looked at me, and that he liked it at first but then it got annoying and he felt like no one had any respect. Strange....but I just get tired of it.

[pinkelephant]

Well, i don't know if my post was hurtful, but I don't think anyone meant to be hurtful. I really didn't find any posts that are rude either. These are just legit thoughts that come up when people post these kinds of problems. I honestly only know online girls who have the dilemma of being "too pretty", when I know sooo many pretty girls. A friend of mine has trouble dating but it's generally because she's cold and hard to get along with, even though she's very pretty and smart. She intimidates guys and that is what I tell her. Of course, she isn't a good friend so I ommitted the part where she's intimidating because she can be so cold/uncaring.

 

But Again, being "too pretty" can be a problem to certain people (aka, really insecure ones) but you're speaking about the general population. The issues you brought up sound really familiar to myself and to my girlfriends (although, honestly i'm not that pretty). Everybody has trouble dating. Everybody and every girl has had issues where guys just wanna **** as opposed to a real relationship. That's a general issue that most girls face.

 

I think that perhaps you ARE pretty and that it IS a factor, but it SOUNDS like something else is at play. You can negate them, you can ignore the suggestions, if people ignoring the fact that you're too pretty is hurtful, it's not going to help you. These people aren't posting to be vindictive. They're just coming up with possible solutions... perhaps they could be worded better, but maybe hypersensitivity is also at play.

 

Most girls get hit on a lot, especially if you live in a more urban area. Most girls face the issues of guys just wanting to "get it on" as opposed to having a real relationship. Most people get turned down with really funny, bizarre reasons. The most famous lines? It's not you, it's me?

[bostonbruins44]

The title and content of the thread is likely why you may have recieved what you consider rude responses.The fact is most of the world's population is not pretty or good looking.I think most people would consider being pretty /attractive as something that they would desire.Many here on this forum do not get any attention at all from the opposite sex and perhaps one of the reasons [at least how they percieve it]may be a lack of attractiveness.So it is kind of natural that this kind of thread would ruffle a few feathers even though you didn't mean to do it .

[aint_no]

To the OP,

 

Sigh, the problem is fixable. Date guys that are out of your league.

[Stay_home]

It has a lot more to do with insecurity than anything. People tend to get uneasy when they feel they're out of the elements that they're used to. I'd give a beautiful woman a chance if she can prove that she'd be loyal and that she can be trusted. If anything, I take it as a compliment that others admire how beautiful she is.

 

But I think the real concern is the fact that most females who are beautiful use their looks and powers of attraction to do evil things. I know that may seem like a stereotype, but it's the by God honest truth and men are deathly afraid of that. We are afraid that women like that never get enough of themselves as far as what they're able to "accomplish" by being so beautiful. The fact that it's so easy for them to get whatever they want. And most in that position of power will not turn down an opportunity to use and abuse. You see everybody in a position of power doesn't need to be there, because they do the wrong things with it. That's honestly what it is, it's power.

[aint_no]

But I think the real concern is the fact that most females who are beautiful use their looks and powers of attraction to do evil things.

 

EVIL? Really? What are we talking about here, beautiful women strangling puppies? LOL!

[jimmajam]

As dumb as it sounds there is some truth to it. Any guy that uses this as an excuse is just insecure. You need a guy who knows why you're with him and is confident in himself and why you stay with him. Any guy that says you're too beautiful doesn't value himself enough and knows you could find something better easily. Once you find someone who values themselves as much as they do you and your beauty, it will be a lot easier for both of you.

[Sparkly Eyes]

women do the exact same thing. As soon as a guy is good looking or takes care of himself he looks like a cheating meathead to them.

[Stay_home]

EVIL? Really? What are we talking about here, beautiful women strangling puppies? LOL!

 

Would you have preferred if I used, "bad?" The message still conveys the same concept.

[aint_no]

NormalSin, you have some crazy ideas about beautiful women. Yes, they may do things to hurt your feelings, but not "most" of them are evil. Since when was war, genocide, rape, or murder committed by beautiful women? Those things are EVIL. Get some perspective. Getting free drinks, dinner, or drugs from dbags that just want sex...is not EVIL. It's only fair.

 

Also, you need to realize that people tend to attribute good values to people that are beautiful. It's called the "Halo" effect. So when these beautiful women act in some way that turns us off...we automatically assume it's because they are beautiful. We don't realize they would be acting the same way if they were butt ugly.

 

Besides, beautiful women only have power over you if you give it to them.

[ut804]

I've heard my male friend say "all the pretty girls are *****es while the nice girls are ugly". so there is a stereotype out there.

 

HOWEVER, i don't think that's really going to stop a guy from asking out a pretty girl. there could be many reasons whya guy doesn't like a girl, who knows.

[BriarRose]

The bottom line is that good looking people will be presented with more opportunity to cheat and/or meet other people. Whether they choose to act on that or not will be up to the individual. I can understand a man's insecurity about dating a beautiful woman because I feel that way about handsome men. I just don't want the drama and competition that can come with it.

[Stay_home]

NormalSin, you have some crazy ideas about beautiful women. Yes, they may do things to hurt your feelings, but not "most" of them are evil. Since when was war, genocide, rape, or murder committed by beautiful women? Those things are EVIL. Get some perspective. Getting free drinks, dinner, or drugs from dbags that just want sex...is not EVIL. It's only fair.

 

Also, you need to realize that people tend to attribute good values to people that are beautiful. It's called the "Halo" effect. So when these beautiful women act in some way that turns us off...we automatically assume it's because they are beautiful. We don't realize they would be acting the same way if they were butt ugly.

 

Besides, beautiful women only have power over you if you give it to them.

 

Sorry I don't agree, it goes a little further than that. And I never mentioned anything about genocide, rape, murder or a halo effect so if we could stay on subject I'd appreciate that. As those things are also evil, were talking about the evils of how people use their attraction as a way to overpower others. And just because you can do it, just because the hole is there doesn't mean that you have to...

 

by the way that's in reference to this

Getting free drinks, dinner, or drugs from dbags that just want sex...is not EVIL. It's only fair.

 

And this is an exact example of what I am referring to. Because most if not all men want sex, am I right? But some of us actually would like something meaningful to go along with it. So just because you might assume that a man is after only sex doesn't make it right for you to take advantage of them.

 

Some women do actually use their looks to take advantage of people. Men do it also. And whether you want to admit to that or not, it's the honest truth; sometimes people use their blessings to do things like that. It's not all beautiful women, but there are a lot out there that will and those are the ones men need to be mindful of. (I.E; the quotated statement listed above) As much as I'd like to sit here and say that it's not like that, I cannot. It just is what it is. I'm sure every person on this website has experienced that to some degree, including yourself. Therefore, that proves that theory to be correct.

[aint_no]

Like I said, beautiful women only have power over you if you give it to them.

 

If a beautiful woman is obviously taking advantage, then move on. There's nothing in this world that says beautiful people shouldn't take advantage of their looks. It's the whole basis of natural selection and mating. Also, the people that are allowing themselves to be taken advantage of are just to blame.

 

And no, I haven't had the experience that beautiful women somehow are more evil than ugly ones...so I guess I find your statement that "most" beautiful women are "evil" utterly ridiculous.

[Stay_home]

Like I said, beautiful women only have power over you if you give it to them.

 

If a beautiful woman is obviously taking advantage, then move on. There's nothing in this world that says beautiful people shouldn't take advantage of their looks. It's the whole basis of natural selection and mating. Also, the people that are allowing themselves to be taken advantage of are just to blame.

 

No doubt, I agree. I'm just saying, just because you can do it, doesn't always mean that you should.

 

And no, I haven't had the experience that beautiful women somehow are more evil than ugly ones...so I guess I find your statement that "most" beautiful women are "evil" utterly ridiculous.

 

Ok.