How kinky is too kinky?

[VPixie]

This is a little weird, and I had never heard of this before, so I need some advice.

My sister has a long history of dating guys who use her for sex. She started having sex too young and was taken advantage of a lot and after a good six years of that, she is now, age 18, finding guys who are a little more normal and respectable.

The most recent of these "normal and respectable" guys she was dating and never hooked up with, always seemed shy and kinda prude. They started hooking up this weekend, but shortly after they got hot and heavy, he asked her "could you just lie still?" He means totally still no movement at all during the sex. She was snooping on his computer and found his computer stash of porn, and its all sleeping girls sex fetish porn. Girls who are passed out, sleeping and guys stripping fondeling and doing them. (she was somewhat releived because she thought he was having her 'lie still' to imagine her as someone else.)

That same night he took it a step further saying he had never asked this of anyone before but he wanted her to get all done up, make up, shoes, clothes, even her favorite sun glasses, lie still and let him do her.

She said its uncomfortable and she doesn't know if she should be okay with it or not. He wants it each time they hook up.

I say that its a bad omen that something is a little off with this guy, and she should distance herself.

 

Any similar experiences? Has anyone ever heard of this? Advice?

[wing wha]

iam 14 so i probably have no idea what iam talking about but heres what i say. if your sister was doing it for 6 years and shes 18 now. dose that mean when she was 12? i mean i hope not. that s wrong. any way. i think alot of guys have pictures of you know naked people like that. but yeah its pretty clear what hes doing. i dont see why your sister cant seem to find someone nice. this guy seems liek the rest. your sister must have guts if she told all of this to you. so i would say to leave and soon. there will be much to follow up this

[VPixie]

Thank you both for your replies,

Yes, she has been having sex for a long time. She is a very beautiful girl. She turns heads everywhere she goes, and gets hit on left and right. So she attracts a lot of guys wanting a trophy girl. At this point we are very close. She looks up to me, and keeps me on a need to know basis.

I just think right now she needs more positive sexual experiances and this is not it. She isn't comfortable with this, it doesn't turn her on, but she really likes this guy.

He is a very smart (a little geeky) guy from a very good family, in his fifth year, takes her to dinner every night, drives nice car(s). She doesn't know if this should be a deal breaker. They aren't deep enough in the relationship to seek counceling, and I don't think anyone would apprieciate being told that their sexual desires are weird/creepy (even if they are!)

I don't want to be over judgemental though. Is this harmless like a foot fetish, or is this something that should be consitered taboo and somewhat unacceptable?

Thanx guys!

[Meow18]

Well everyone likes different things & I think what this guy is doing is harmless. It would be a different story if he were hurting her or something like that.

 

I really think that if your sister wants to attract good guys, she's got to attract them for a relationship & not just sex. I mean, since she's been having sex for a long time now, she may not really know how to get the good guys. She needs to hold back on the sex & show this guy that she's not all about sex. Then if the guy leaves her because she won't have sex with him, then it will be obvious that he was a jerk only wanting sex from her. If he respects her choice & doesn't pressure her, then it will be obvious that he's a good guy who wants to be with her for reasons other than sex.

 

I feel really sorry for your sister. Its ashame that she would let guys do this to her. She must be really beautiful, but she needs to be smart too, or she's going to get into something she doesn't want to be in.

I really don't think there is anything wrong with this guy for liking this. I mean, some people just like weird things & if it doesn't hurt her & he doesn't try to hurt her, then I think things are ok.

 

However, if she's not comfortable than thats a different story. She needs to talk to this guy, especically if this is the only way they have sex. She's going to end up hating herself & not enjoying sex if she continues to let him do this to her when she really doesn't like it.

 

She needs to talk to him. She doesn't need to tell him that his ways are creepy or whatever, she just needs to tell him that she would prefer it if they didn't have sex like that all the time.

 

If he totally will not allow for them to have sex any other way, then maybe she should either not have sex with him, or find someone new. If he can't respect the fact that she doesn't want it that way all the time, then he doesn't respect her.

[kdreger]

Your sister needs to dump this guy.

 

This is not a healthy fetish. Look at the basis for the fetish - doing it with women who are not aware. That is paramount to doing it without their permission. Hell, it's close to a fetish of doing it with a corpse. Freak!

[bassplayerguy]

i think she should dump him, thats a bit to weird in my opinion...

yeah also what if he takes it to far one day, and slips something in her drink so she actually does pass out, just do he can 'fullfill' his fetish..

[jessijess]

I agree with the above. If this guy has a fetish for incoherent girls, I'd be afraid of him doing something to your sister. Even if he doesn't take so far as to slip somehting into her drink, he could try to get her drunk one nite & then take advantage of her. And at that point its called rape.

[Sly Cat]

I dated a guy like this. He used to do stuff when I was sleeping. Sex if for two people to participate in, not for one to be asleep or drunk or passed out. The guy sounds like a jerk. Tell her to be careful, fetishes can get out of hand fast.

[butterflykiss04]

I have always believed that nothing is to kinky as long as nobody gets hurt and both people enjoy and are comfortable with whatever they are doing! But I dont think this is kinky this dude has issues basically he is turned on by girls who look dead and someone he can feel he is taking advantage of he needs help and she needs to call it quits I mean hell she isnt even comfortable with this crap!

[CherryGrl]

Oh yeah, I agree this sounds a bit too weird, especially since it's the only way the guy wants to have sex. It may be the only way he can get turned on, and if pretending his partner is sleeping stops turning him on, might he not start wanting women who are really unaware, like drugged or dead? If she were my sister I'd advise her to get away from this guy right now.

[Goddess4ever]

I would seriously advise your sister to run very fast, and run far away. I am a psych major in University...and this (in my opinion) would fall under a paraphelia (One of the types is a fetish). Think about this for a second. This guy cannot be sexually aroused unless she is "laying still" or "looking dead". He has a stash of porn that depicts these images. I think this is a very dangerous situation..as this leads me to think of rape. Rape is about control, not about sex. The pictures that he has on his computer, are Depicting rape. It may be that the girls in the porn have consented (or not), but the fact remains it is the depiction, or the representation of the girls he is aroused by. PPL who put stuff in girls drinks are looking to rape them...as they are powerless, incoherent, or unconscious...this is the ultimate control. The girls can do nothing to stop their attacker. The fact that he now wants your sister, to "play dead" is an obvious and perverse way of trying to control her sexuality.

 

I don't mean to scare you...but I would HIGHLY advise that your sister get away.