Can you believe what he says to you drunk?

[mana]

Thanks for taking the time to read this I would appreciate your thoughts

 

Im not sure what difference it will make but I am just trying to make sense of a my recent break up with my B/f.

 

5 days before he called it quits he rang me up after having a few drinks with his work mates. He doesn't drink a lot but he was in good spirits and was obviously enjoying himself at the party. He shocked me by telling me he loved me and wanted to move back to my home town with me next year. He went on to say ( as if to convince me of his feelings) that he "makes love"to me..not just sex.

 

I was overjoyed but dared not tell him the next day for fear of embarressing him.

 

3 days letter I sent a txt to him and signed off with those 3 words "I love you". 2 days later he called it quits saying that he didn't feel the same for me.( It wasn't as harsh as that, Im just trying to make a long story short) Naturally Im at a loss.

 

I haven't pushed him for an explanation for his drunken call. I haven't called him since he broke it off in fact. But I I would like your opinions. what should I make of that call. Was it just the booze talking?

[HangedGirl]

What guys tell when they're trully drunk are their real feelings. Maybe he's still in love with you but has been eaten by his pride when he decided to broke up with you and so denying that feeling. Or maybe he's into something serious(dangerous maybe!), he just love you so much that he didn't want to put you in danger so he'd rather broke up with you and reason out that he don't love you anymore so you won't have to worry about him.

don't worry girl sooner or later you'll know..

[if only]

I have to disagree with: What guys tell when they're truly drunk are their real feelings.

 

My ex would phone me up or come over to mine when ever he had been out on a night with his friends, he would tell me how truly amazing I was and that he loved me etc.

 

In fact two weeks prior to our break up he was telling me how he could never imagine being without me he knew we were meant to be together forever and that I was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

 

after that he announces that I am not the one for him and we haven't spoke since that was three months ago.

 

You are more confident when you are drunk and feelings can be exaggerated I would talk to him when he is sober that is when he will show his true feelings. Good luck

[bri]

Look at what he does instead of listening to what he says, especially when drunk. Perhaps he loves you as he said to you over the phone but the important thing is will he have the guts to make the decision to give up the rest of the women for you and propose to you. Sadly, it doesn't seem like it.

[flea]

Dear mana,

first of all , let me just say that i am at least 10 years younger, but I have had the same thing with my ex.

He broke up with me out of the blue, while just the day before this, we were making plans and he was telling me the 3 words. I was schoked and gutted when all of a sudden he breaks up with me. I didnt want to dig in it or think about it, so I just went about and said to myself, "its all for the best". the next night, he rang me 5am f* drunk. Said he wants to talk to me and be with me. Turns up at my door, touching me and kissing me on the lips. I thought it meant "come back to me".

 

To make it short, the nexy morning he did not rememeber s*. Or so he said. I didnt want to make an argument. All i knew is, he is treating me as a f* up. He depreciates and disrespects me. I let him go, but I was crying inside.

It continued every Friday-Saturday nigths for about 2 months last spring. I knew he was using, abusing and playing mind games with me, but if I didnt want him as much as I did, I wouldnt bother answering his calls or letting him in my apartment.

And of course I listened (and strongly believed it) to what he used to say when drunk. You know the 3 words. And the next day when he is sober he doesnt know me, im just a casual acquantence.

 

Let me just say, there is really alot of details about the past and alot of his f* up behaviour towards me can be explained. He f* me up bad. Matter of fact, it is only a year later than I am starting to get over him.

 

well... didnt mean to get so into the story.... bottom line_____________

 

Your ex is doing this because he is a f* up. DONT bother with him. There can be alot of psycho research into his mind and why he behaves that way, but in the village as they say, he is a f* up, he is playing with you, and DO NOT THINK that when he is drunk he is speaking the truth. He probably is, but DO YOU WANT him to tell you that when he is drunk and other times treat you like trash? Ask yourself. And then decide.

 

You can ask me anything on this topic and I will tell you. Because I hate this f* who did this to me, and God knows how many guys I f*d up because I didnt want to feel it again.

Knowing that Im severely depressed person, i went into counselling to deal with my s*. of course I dealt with the issue of this guy too. And finally I realized he will never love, care or appreciate me, because this guy was a totally dysfunctional, f*d up little boy, and on top of all of that, a chronic alchoholic.

Being so young, I am grateful that have learnt this from him. I will never play mind games myself, because I know I suffered so bad after what he did, and I continued giving myself pain while doing it to other guys.

 

So there. Wish you good luck. DOnt waste time with the loser.

Love to you. x

PS. Who cares if what he says when he is drunk is the truth? He is not a real person if he cannot tell you the same words when he is sober. I should know.

 

Girl, I know how you feel... I knwo you really want to believe he really does love you... But please look for what you want from this relationship. If he loved you, he wouldnt emotionally abuse you. He wouldnt play you for a fool. Please think clear.

[Scout]

Drinking exaggerates and distorts certain feelings, and makes people act very impulsively. Please don't ascribe anything this guy said to you when drunk as the truth. He dumped you several days later - what does that tell you?

 

I was dating a guy recently who was never around, never available, and yet, he called drunk one night, and got furious when I said I had company, another guy, over. He proceeded to yell, insult me, etc. until I hung up the phone, then left three more messages for me.

 

Did our "relationship" change after that? No. Not at all. He continued to be unavailable and never around.

 

Think about it - they're calling us drunk late at night, because they want one thing. Why didn't they invite us to go out with them in the first place?? Because they were hoping to get that "thing" from someone new. We're the back-up! And anyone with a little self-respect will eventually find that being a back up is insulting and intolerable.

[flea]

OH-MY-GOD

I totally support Scout.

Oh my god you put so much clarity and sense into the situation in just a few phrases.

A guy didnt call to go out cus he hoped to find someone new; he didnt, so call me: im his SPARE. Sure! How true..

 

Also the exagerrates and distorts feelings is also very very true. Wow! How right. And guys think women are stupid: that we think what they tell us when drunk is the truth. Making us dependant on them; waiting for them.

 

Great insight.

Peace out

[Scout]

Thanks, Flea. (cute nickname!) Sorry you had such a negative experience...we all have, and if we can learn from them, than it wasn't a total waste. We're stronger for it, know how we want to be treated in the future, and hopefully never treat others in the shoddy way another might have treated us.

[flea]

Sure, Scout. I like your nick too

 

Yes totally positive: I learnt from it alot and i am grateful to this f* for training me that way and instructing me. Indirectly, of course.

 

I know i despise him all my life and at the same time its a love so strong I dont think i will let go anytime soon. Then again... isnt love the that obsessive dependency feeling?.. Oh yes.

Peace

[Finch]

I think when people are drunk they act off their most raw and basic emotions and forget the more complex feelings that they feel. This allows them to indulge in feelings such as your previous boyfriend described. I know I have been drunk several times and have admitted some terrible things to my ex-girlfriend that I would never have admitted sober because it just wouldn't make sense to me sober.

 

You can be assured that he cares about you, but most likely there are more complex issues brewing deep down and this is what is preventing these raw feelings from coming out.

 

That's just my theory.

[HangedGirl]

It's true that what guys say when they're drunk are true..

They are just very much in denial, sometimes unconsciously, that's why they tell you the opposite the next day! Believeme, it is possible that you're denying something even to yourself..

But don't push him to accept it.. Give him more space and more time to miss you and realize that he's still in love with you..

[mana]

Thank you all for your feedback.

 

I suspect I may have misrepresented my ex a tad however. He has not rung me since we broke up although he did txt me his new number nor would I say he has intentionally played mind games with me. The drunk call happened 5 days before he broke it off and his no contact since suggests to me he really does mean for us to finish. I can only guess as to what the reason might be but for now ( I Hope it all comes out in the wash at some later date) He truly is a good man, however screwed up he is at the mo.

Thankyou all again for your feedback. I have decided to believe the drunken call . Its a happy memory ( albeit a bit slurred)It gives me a nice feeling and a little chuckle and your replies have given me a lot of support. Thank you all very much.

[TrueHeart]

If I had a dollar everytime I heard that excuse of " I was too drunk to remember " from my X, I think I'd have put PowerBall out of business...