How do you deal with a "Mr. Big"??

[aprilflowers]

I am too old for this. In 50s. Have been seeing a classic big ego, big profile public figure off and on for about 4 years. He is brilliant, charming, compelling, funny - unfortunately president of my workplace but our relationship is pretty secret. When we are together for simple stuff, it is So-o-o wonderful. Everything I want. We're both divorced.

 

But the Big Shot is drawn into the public arena - loves the receptions and power and so forth - he's taken me to a few. Problem is, if I know he's stepping out on the town alone- I get pretty antsy. He's flirty. Sorry to say I don't trust him. But I'm old, opportunities are few and I mostly can control my jealous feelings. The choice is put up wiht it - or be alone.

 

Anyone been in this situation? Some would probably say it's really bad.

[Fudgie]

Doesn't matter if he's "Mr. Big" or not, the fact is that you don't trust him. I can't say for sure whether or not he'll do anything, but you said that you'll get antsy when he goes out without you. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone that you feel that way about? Being with someone that you don't really trust? That's a terrible feeling.

 

Don't settle just because you're "old". People find love at all ages and just because you're not in your 20s anymore doesn't mean that you shouldn't be able to find and have a great partner. There are many guys in your position, who are your age, and they are looking for love too.

[TinSoldier]

Well your a woman right? That means you have the hidden talent of clawing out a man's "pride" and taking control. What I mean by that is he is with you for a reason(s). Now a guy like that who is a flirt can be tricky to work with since that could usually mean he is not someone who can remain faithful. Which gives you good reason to suspect he could be fooling around with other women and using you as a backup, plan B, second choice whatever. Now getting into specifics you have to state whether you too are officially seeing each other romantically and if you are exclusive to each other. Regardless of whether people know or not but if they do not well he could cheat, you tell people, who would believe you since you never made it public. And rightly so since it could go against your companies rules and regulations for inter office relations or fraternization if there are any. Maybe you should analyze how the relationship has gone so far starting with how it has been on a one-on-one basis. Does he treat you nice and expect anything in return such as sex? Or maybe he has the opportunity to be himself around you and must keep face in public? Or maybe that is just his personality and he is good at heart? Again, dicey situation with your job and reputation on the line. But then again so is his. Like anyone he is human and has his own set of flaws and in this situation his ego. Like any attractive woman who wants attention she will flaunt, flirt, and kiss her way into the limelight. When the spotlight goes to Ms. New Thing, Ms. Used-To-Be will make the decision on how to get eyes on her again. Throwing a tantrum (acting out in public), expose herself (sex tape), charity maybe, or something extreme either in or out of character. How does this connect to you? Well in a rough translation (sorry for the rant) if you give him less attention he could/would likely vie for yours again. Everybody wants what they cannot have. He has you know and depending on how long the "relationship" has gone on for you might have stepped out of the honeymoon phase (after 6 months to a year). Now he will not try as hard to impress you or treat you like a queen like he might have at first. This is when the relationship is not stale but has plateaued. In a while it will start to go downhill where the work is required. Problems arise and small annoyances you once shook off will become more prominent. And usually one persons interest will go up as the other goes down and/or vice versa. From here you should make him work for you a lil. You can do this with communication very easily. When he calls let it ring, maybe go to voicemail, or say you are busy and to call back. Text messaging wait some time (couple of minutes or longer) to respond. Another is when giving him attention you can do a catch and release type method. Go in and flirt, talk, give him the light, then pull back and not ignore him but lay off some. Kind of like muscle confusion when working at the gym. Make him work for it but be careful because you do this too much and too strong he is not stupid and could figure you out and accuse you of playing games. Be careful, do what comes naturally, talk because no one can read minds, and be reserved. Wait for a while before you make any big commitments or investments so you know he is serious about pursuing an exclusive romantic relationship. I know this is a lot of information to take in so I hope all goes well. Message me if you want to talk and go into more detail about it and maybe I can help. Good luck

[dancingcolors]

I am 58. Was in a two year relationship. then he dumped me for another woman 1 1/2 years ago. a secret relationship. Not good. You could end up getting hurt. I got massively hurt. I would read red flags and warning signs, no matter what your age. Yeah, it was sooooo great when i was alone with my guy too. he kept me a secret alot from his family. Was an hour away, and I didn't totally trust what he was always doing either. Then he left me without even bothering to break up for another woman. Be careful. Alot of men in their 50's and 60's are jaded and want to just fool around too.

[LightbulbSun]

The problem here is that he's your boss, which means he can fire you if you break up. This is not a healthy relationship, he has control over you.

 

I'd advise not getting into relationships with someone who could potentially fire you.

[Miss Firecracker]

I could enjoy that sort of thing about 6 months. Four years, no way!

[Stay_home]

Personally I'd just stop all together. Save all your text messages and phone records incase he tries to fire you or unlawfully reprimand you. Then you have some documentation which might also be viewed as a motive in court if he tries to get shady on you. For future reference, never dip your pen in company ink. It's a bad idea.