What did I expect to find?

[StandTall]

I was feeling the best I have since our breakup, and actually made it through the day without crying at all (First time in 3 months). I came home from a business trip, and was feeling pretty good. I was checking my e-mail, and then decided to check a singles website she used to be on- Sure enough, there was her ad, picture and all posted again. I checked one other site, and she was back on there too. I quickly realized that nothing good could've come from looking for her ad. I broke down hard, and really felt like I suffered a setback. Fortunately, I didn't call and won't. I knew that she would eventually date again, but really could've done without the confirmation. I know I have only myself to blame for that. I actually met someone, and have the opportunity to go out with her. She seems like a great girl, but I feel like I might blow things as I am far from ready to date. I suppose I could go out and keep things light. It's just amazing when you feel as if you're moving on a bit, and then you get kicked in the head. Can anyone relate? Now that I am convinced she isn't coming back, I really want to focus on moving forward. Thanks to everyone in advance for your advice and support.

[Brandell]

Hi,

 

I understand exactly how you feel. If you check out my post a few down "having a really bad 2 days..." it is about exactly that. I am having an extremely hard time moving on on some days. Other days I feel ok. I have started to dabble in dating but to be honest my heart is not really in it although it is good to know I am still attractive to some women as I did start to feel I was totally unlovable.

 

The setback I had at the weekend was without seeing her but if I did see her, and if I saw her with a new "friend" it would kill me. No Contact has been invaluable to me.

 

A few weeks ago I saw her stopped behind me at stoplights but pretended I did not see her. I just averted my eyes. I could not look even though I knew it was her.

 

I can relate my friend. It is very hard and there are days I need contact with my ex. SO bad but I also know thats the last thing I really want.

[StandTall]

I read your post, and I agree- I don't want to run into her around town. I guess it is inevitable eventually, but I don't look forward to it.

[Princess777]

StandTall,

 

I am so sorry to hear what happened. I felt your pain when I read your post and I hope you can find some peace soon. True, sometimes no news is good news when it comes to things like that.... meaning, it's better not to know what she's up to, right?

 

I suggest not to check for her posts anymore, to save yourself the hurt. Of course this is easier said than done, but try to resist the urge..... or she'll just suck you back in and you'll surrender to the power that you're giving her over your feelings. Which nobody benefits from. Please try to busy yourself with work, hobbies, friends, etc. and let the healing begin once again. I wish you luck.

[JT]

I can defenitely identify with what your saying. I'm going through the same thing after 3 months. I'm trying to be strong. Some inner force within me sometimes wants to ask mutual friends how she's doing.. wants to drive by her friends house to see if she's there.

 

conscious kicks in and tells me this is'nt the best for me and I should avoid her like the plague.

 

Even some friends in common I avoid because of this.

[live_to_love]

hey

yeah, i can relate to how you're feeling. i thought that i was doing much better and that i was getting closer to moving on, but every once in a while, something remindede me of the feelings that i wanted to throw away from my life simply to keep on going like any normal person. i basically wanted to make myself forget how much i loved and cared and to realize that he is gone, and that our mutual break up was real. well, i feel much better and i have other things on my mind besides him, and overall i think i have grown a lot during the past couple of months. but, other times, i do something or something happens and i get stuck in a period of confusion mixed with sadness. some of these things that have set me back are: hearing some friends compliment on the person he is without knowing that he is my ex, seeing him having an amazing time at a party where i happened to be also, and even hearing my mom's comments about him which she makes hoping that someday things will work out, as she thinks he is the best one for me.

 

when it comes to dating, i know what you mean. about a month and a half after my breakup, i was asked out by two guys, a day apart from each other. i think it would be unfair to them if i came into tjhis with all my emotional baggage, so i nicely said no thanks. also, part of the reason is that i can't really see myself dating someone else, as there is one person that i love so much. and that one person is not with me.

 

good luck with moving on! and remember that you need time and that it is normal to breakdown once in a while eeven when you feel like you're doing better. you are human and emotions play a big part in our lives. hang in there.

[sutton]

man, it is so hard to move on.

 

i have been having a very difficult time accepting my plight too.

 

my ex was cheating and has lied to me continually - i have had to face up to a lot of very hurtful truths about her that have come to light.

 

its so difficult some days that i just want to curl up and die.

 

the fact that i'm right and she is wrong should make me feel better. but it doesn't. i still am shattered by it all. today is a bad day...

 

anyway, life goes on and htere are other, better people out there!

[StandTall]

Thank you all for being there for me. I stayed home from work today with a sore throat, and it gave me way too much free time on my hands to sit and think- I should've gone to work anyway. I definitely have been doing better, but came accross some old e-mails today, and they threw me back. I'm crying so hard as I write this. So much of your advice helps me each day. I was taking Lexapro for about 2 months, and came to the realization that it wasn't a magic pill- The only true healer is to heed good advice and let some time pass. I weaned myself off of medication, and am doing better (Most days at least). No contact is a must as I equate it with touching a hot stove- Do you want to keep burning yourself repeatedly? I gave myself one last phone call to her a few weeks ago, and told her that if she ever changed her mind, to please call me. As time goes by, I may no longer want her back. There is great comfort in knowing that you are not crazy, different, losing your mind, etc. I share the pain of everyone suffering through this, and will pray for you as I do myself before bed.

[MrMikeWikowski]

Delete the old emails. Especially painful ones.

 

No matter what the future holds, a bunch of old emails isn't going to help you. I got rid of mine and it was a great thing to do.

 

Try to be strong. Many things will remind you of her, but instead of making that associaton create a painful memory for you, try to attach it to a beatiful one. Not everything that is over has to be horrible memory. One day you will think of foundness when you think of your ex. Try to move this way now.

 

Good luck

 

Mike

[Technical Support]

I ran into a few of my ex's friends at a bar last week...I had thought that I was moving on but just seeing them and having contact with them, wondering what they would say about me when I left drove me crazy...I had to leave and was out of there within a few minutes...I just told my friends that I was feeling sick and had to leave.

 

When I got home I found myself going through pictures of her and I together and crying...a friend gave me good advice that night and said that I had to erase her from my life in every aspect...So I deleted all the pictures I had on my computer and burned the rest. I couldnt have thought about doing this before because it always seemed like a part of my life that I would want pictures of...but honestly what use do they serve if alls the remind me of is how happy we were together and how sad I am now that we are appart.

 

Erasing evidence of that part of my life is just another step in moving forward, I hope to one day be able to run into her friends and not have it effect me, and ultimatly be able to run into her and have moved on without crying just at the sight of her...

 

I think we will all have points in our process where we feel that we are moving on and will be faced with challenges of our past...but each time something like this happens I have a good laugh afterwords and wonder why I let something get to me like that.

 

good luck in the process of moving on...

[StandTall]

I realize there are good and bad days. I got a raise at work the other day, and I wanted to call he and share the news, but wouldn't let myself. It saddens me that the ground which seemed so solid beneath me is gone, and my life feels like a pretending act these days. I look forward to when I am no longer pretending and begin enjoying things once again.