I need a girl to decipher this stuff.

[darklich14]

My ex girlfriend and I had a very stable and healthy relationship when all of a sudden she "wasn't feeling it any more." Well, she broke up with me, and we got back together for like 3 days over spring break about 3 weeks ago, and then she broke up with me again because she said she was getting all stressed out and she didn't have feelings for our attempt at a new relationship. She said she didn't want to give up on us, and that I didn't do anything wrong to make her break up with me the second time. But here's the main thing -- She says she's not looking for another guy, she's not waiting for some other guy to find her, she just wants space and we can become friends again and maybe progress to more intimate things when her stress level has gone down (probably over the summer). Well, I don't know that means and I don't know any girls personally who have broken up with their boyfriends because they need "space."

 

She still wants to talk to me online and be nice (which I'm fine with because I admire the girl sincerely and I still have my eyes on her, and being a won't help if we ever decide to consider a future with one another). I don't know what she wants space FROM, if it's me, the relationship, the commitment, whatever... She gets online to talk to me and she has every last person on her buddy list blocked but me. Her birthday is coming up, so I got her a birthday card and slipped it under her door while she's gone to Washington D.C. I support her when she's having a rough time with her roommate and classes and whatnot. Basically, I'm treating her as nicely as I would as though she were my girlfriend, and I would continue to do so if she decided to come back. I'm not going to be run over and used like an "ol' Mr. Reliable" as someone put it in another post, but if you wanted space from a relationship and didn't expect anything of your ex and he treated you very nicely and he kept his head up, not complaining about the fact that you're never there, would you find that attractive and go back to him?

 

If you think you need more information about what happened, then check out the post below.

[sisterlynch]

I hope you are doing ok, I like that you are giving her some room to be who she wants while she is still single.

 

She just wants some freedom to be with new people thats all. You don't want to tie her into a relationship that makes you happy but not her do you? I should think not.

 

We all want to have our cake and eat it too. This is why we form relationships to have someone to support us when the times are bad. She is happy and wants to be free and doesn't want to have anymore of the drama that was happening to her when she was in the relationship.

 

You and she are just after different things, that is all. She wants to take time out to smell the roses, and you just want to smell violets all the time, so you really need to let her alone. You have a plan for your life, and she has another plan for hers, you don't coinside completely!

 

Give her the freedom that she needs! I guess I want to say that you need to accept who she is at face value. Don't try and make her something she ain't!

 

Don't blame yourself or her, just be who you are. Go out and be who you would have been had you not met her. Maybe that is too hard to imagine, date some other girls. That should be ok right, you cannot be true to her when there is no relationship, right?

 

You'll be ok! Don't worry! Put on a happy face even if you don't necessarily feel happy, if you look happy you'll fool 95% of the people, and the other 5% will wonder want is wrong, and then maybe you'll tell them, maybe not!

[zippitt]

Hi Darklich, I am no woman. But the last relationship I had ended almost identicaly to yours, even for the same reasons, same number of breakups.

For me its been about 4 months. She writes like twice a month and I write back just as much. We don't call anymore, which I am glad of. I still think about quite a bit so talking to her would really throw me off. I gave my ex the space right off, she seems to appreciate it because she always likes to hear from me. I still have hopes that maybe in the future we could get together, I no longer dwell on it though. When I think about her now I no longer get depressed or unhappy, but I really do miss her. Cherish what you had, don't dwell on uncertainties. She told you all you need to hear, but you are trying to hard to analyze what she is telling you. Like sisterlynch told you, just be happy and put on a smile...eventually your pain will fade. I would give yourself some real space though, no communication for a while. Let he know you need to do this for yourself. If you need to talk you can email me at email removed.