I would like some insight from an outside source

[B_C_R]

It's been a little over 3 months since the break up with the "girl of my dreams" and alas she hasn't come crawling back on her hands and knees like...well...everyone said she would. So i've moved on and i've been dating again and guess what...MORE WOMEN PROBLEMS! So again, as always, advice/insight will be appreciated and thanks given upfront.

 

I've been dating this co-worker of mine for a few weeks and we've been talking for a few weeks longer than that. We both have spent alot of time together (obviously because we've both been working alot together) and we've been on a few dates and we talk every night for hours when we got off of work (we're both insomniacs). Things are going great and everything is appearing to indicate that we are headed towards becoming more serious when...TROUBLE.

 

She use to be an avid drug user and this has caused her a plethora of problems including the loss of her first "love" and guy she was crazy about. He ended it with her because they were fighting all the time about her drug use. Then when they broke up he was always a friend to her and helped her through it until she finally quit doing drugs altogether. Then they had a falling out period of 2 or 3 months until the morning of her b-day. He calls her to wish her a happy b-day and tells her how much he misses her and how he wishes they were still together and if things could be like they use to be and that he still loves her as much as when they were not fighting. So, as you would expect this came up on our date later on that night. She said that she still loves him as a friend and that she still has feelings for him, but that she also likes me. I know that there's still feelings there for him because of the way that it ended but, she said that she wanted to give me 100% and would like to see the way things will go and whether or not she would like to have something more serious with me.

 

The part that almost causes me to lose sleep is the fact that this is almost EXACTLY what happened to me and my ex-girlfriend. Just that I didn't know about it until she was telling me that she was moving in with him and that I've got a week to get my stuff together and leave. Now should I be concerned to the point that I should let them get back together and I should move on, or, should I just continue like nothing has happened and pray that the same thing that happened to me and my ex doesn't happen again?

 

guys/girls, thoughts?

[Serendipity1607307077]

I am very sorry to hear that you have experienced something similar to this before...

 

It's a very sticky situation to be in, but I think you should go on your gut feeling... obviously you are doubtful whether you should stay by her, or whether you should leave before the problem happens again...

 

Perhaps if I were you I would sit her down and find out where she is going with this, and whether she plans to stick around or run off with this other guy.. not very useful advice, I know, but hopefully she will tell you her intentions...

[OceanEyes]

Hey BCR ... looks like you're in the middle of what might turn out to be quite a decision.

 

I would say to be very, very careful and be sure that you can trust her and that you see that she is sincere and considering your feelings 100%.

 

First loves tend to stick with us for a long time, and now it looks like hers is trying to come back into the picture. She's mentioned that she still loves him and has feelings for him, which is why I've suggested that you're careful.

 

At the same time though, she seems to be into getting to know you a lot better. I think she wants to see where things go with you, but at the same time, she wants to keep in touch with her ex in the event that things don't work out with you and her. I think it's natural and almost expected for some of us to keep a 'backup'. True, it can be considered very selfish and immoral, but I guarantee that at least half the people you know have done it at some point (or at least tried to).

 

Make sure that you get some straight, honest answers from her, and that you don't promise anything that you might not be able to give. Most of the time I think it's good to keep things somewhat mysterious in the beginning of a relationship, but in your case, the stakes might be too high, the outcome potentially disasterous.