religion- still a serious dilemma

[donefor79]

Well- I wanted share my story cause it is a little interesting. I started dating my x for about 2 yrs. I knew she was jewish and coming from an area were there a large number of jewish ppl. reside i understood the heated conversations that could ensue for her when her rents found out we were dating, with in the first month i asked if this was an issue in her family or not. She stated no, but apperently it always has been n she lied to me, used a few times for a reason to break up even.....i honestly never walked in a house and felt such hatered cause of something i cant control, what is up with this issue for jewish parents? my rents were respectful to her, and i would expect no less...its my life! Plus I never even stood a chance, convos were like pulling teeth and stares were like pierciing diamonds in my direction...so weird......anyway, i guess i got the best cause i slept with their prescious daughter, that had to hard on her though, but she should have up front with me!!!! let me knwo what ppl have exo, and faced????0

[Francis]

Are they very religious? Because, unless they are very religious, they would not oppose a good match for their daughter. There might be other issues here : are you ambitious? studying for a good career?

 

In the Jewish religion, a man should not court a woman unless he is capable of giving her the same lifestyle to which she is used to. Otherwise, it is not correct to seduce someone without a purpose. This means that you must be of a similar social level now or in the future, when you finish school.

 

If she used this excuse to break up the relationship, then she may also have other issues with you : different values about things and she is not telling you where the problem lies. Also, Jewish girls are very attached to their families and it is very difficult to detach.

 

Try to get her to open up and tell you what you are doing that she does not approve : things that Jews don't approve of that much : drinking, flirting, not ambitious ...

 

Take care!

[donefor79]

Lets face it, unless ur super religious whch she is not she doesnt go to temple nore does her family. Second, I am a college grad w/ a job and getting my masters. Third I come from a middle class family in NJ i believe the wealthiest state in the US, and that is sad u had to say that point because to me that money doesnt make u happy!! I mean just assuming im not jewish doesnt mean im poor...funny the conclusion u jumped to. That seems like what her family assumed till low and behold our dads held came to realize that they had simialar jobs!!

I can understand like I said before about religion, but if i asked her about it prior casue i do understand that is some dilemma jewish girls face since i dated a many and wanted to make sure i was not into deep and i was really attachted.Also being a roman catholic and going to church every sunday i was more religious than her. My parents accpeted her no mattter they may quastion marrying some girl who is jewish. Its my lfie, and we even talked about our future with kids and i would let her raise them jewish but i wouldnt conver ever! So what her dilemmas are i dont know, it sounds like mom and dad talking and not knowing the situation.....i am sorry she was put in this situation too again i asked her so many times.!!!

Instead she lied used it as an excuse or whatever to me, and made me feel like that she is self-centered since we dated for 2 yrs and her rents finally firgured it out about a yr and half later when she told them. Now regardless of religion u have respect the fact i was asked she lied and how ca nu go back and use that for a reason y things may not work!!!

[donefor79]

Funny if those points u said were true than i would agree with ur theory but she decideed to stay in boston 250 miles away to avoid with her parents over protectiveness. Next she goes out more than i do now, and drinks more than i do, and does drugs too, funny she seems to be more or less living a huge front that is fooling only her. I dotn buy and that is an aburd to me, i agree there are ohter issues but that is hurtful to turn to that as an escape route, something i cant change nor would. She went into this knowing a give a chance to back away for that reason. I asked, but that I believe is an excuse...i just wish she stop calling, cause i felt insulted religion is something u should practice regardless what faith, but its almost anti-religious to use it to back out of a relationship for 2 yrs....ugh she pissed me off with that one...i dont know i thiink for her rents to assume things and treat me like crap shows how superficial they are, i mean i was born into a religion i felt discriminated against and not given a chance to say hey...look at that kid he is nice, maybe lets give a shot??? How can u prejudge ppl like that? Money doesnt buy class that is for sure because they seemed to have none. Oh well I am just pissed cause it seem a bad excuse and not her excuse but her parents who cause she hide our relationship i could even get to meet till i was already on my way to being thrown on a cross and crucified.....i think again wht u said holds weight but not with her actions, she is a hypocreate!!!

[donefor79]

I appreciate ur assement and response i fee ppl see this subject and look at want to say something but feel religion is hard to discuss. Which it is but thanks for trying to play devils advocate i think we can both agree she used it as an escuse, which is bad in my opinion because that is disrespecting ur own religion using it in a liie??? don u agree??

[Francis]

I am very sorry if the wording of my answer did make you feel like that. I did not conclude that you were "less" because you are not Jewish, but I thought her parents may had some reasonable grounds to reject you, but it seems that is not the case.

 

It is very disturbing that she lied to you before hand, because it seems that she entered the relationship without serious intent, which is against the religion.

 

From what you said, she does not seem religious at all, but more on the rebel side, probably has major problems with authority.

 

I agree with you that she did not have the right to mislead you, neither to enter the relationship without serious intent without your consent. She made a unilateral decision and that is not acceptable.

 

I am afraid that the only positive aspect of the whole thing is that you have found out about her true character before marrying her.

 

I wish you all the best.