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[CCardone76]

00

[sisterlynch]

This is not a man that you are married to, he is something else. If you arent currently in therapy for ending this relationship, go get it now. If you go any further with this man you will totally lose your sense of self.

 

He doesn't know how to say no, he has no feelings for you, if he really "loved" you do you think he would be touching a twenty year old girl, then comparing you and her infront of the two of you. This is extreem emotional abuse.

 

You really need to get to the psychologist, then to the lawyer!!!

 

Don't listen to him, please. Make the phone calls now! It is necessary to take these actions. Do you have any relatives that you can contact, who will remain loyal to you?

 

There is a book called "Women Who Love too Much." I hope that you are able to move away from this guy in a hurry. The child in you is important, but you have to value yourself before you can value others...

 

[Stefi]

I'm sorry to say this but your husband has absolutely NO respect for you whatsoever. He demeans you by acting that way right in front of you (asking the girl to show him her pierced nipples, asking YOU if you'd like your breasts to look like hers). Touching another woman's private areas is DEFINITELY cheating in my book. He might make whatever excuse he wants, he is completely, utterly out of line here.

 

You are not overreacting, it seems like being with him has eroded your self-confidence so that he even makes you doubt whether you have the right to demand he respect you and your marriage. You have the right to be loved and treated like a person. His behavior is absolutely outrageous! What is most disturbing is that he has no shame in behaving this way right in front of you! Not to mention the questionable integrity of a girl that will be so "accommodating" (I'm saying this so I won't use a less polite term) to the inappropriate requests of a man whom she knows is married.

 

If he loves you, he doesn't act like he does. The question is, are YOU going to tolerate his despicable lack of respect for you? I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but I think no one deserves to be treated like he is treating you. I hope you see this as well. You deserve better, sweetie.

[Beec]

Well, I'm not ready to tell you to go file the divorce papers, but somethign is wrong with what's going on inside his head.

 

First, I have no problem or issue with a man or woman looking at porn, going to a strip club, even a peep show. It's not sex.

 

I also have no issue or problem with any man or woman flirting at any age regardless of if they are married, otherwise attached or single. Most of us need to do it, so someone else can tell us we are still attractive.

 

Your husband not only blew one of the key rules about flirting, etc., he took the rule tore it up, burned it, chewed on the ashes, swallowed them, let the ashes flow through his system, then threw it in your face.

 

Rule No. 1 about flirting when attached: You do not flirt when in the presense of your man or woman. You don't even let your man or woman even see you checking out someone else.

 

He went way beyond flirting with a young woman, who was not appropriate for him, and flaunted it both in front of your face, then when not in front of your face, told you to rub your nose in it.

 

This man needs to grow up. The only saving grace about the entire event I could see is that anyone who was there must have a lot of sympathy for your being married to such horse's behind. Somebody, and its you, needs to put a boot in his behind, both figuratively and literally. You have tolerated this behavior, you need to put a stop to it.

[CCardone76]

...

[Beec]

None of your additional info changes my opinion.

 

You are not his babysitter. His actions were inappropriate regardless of whether he just touched jewelry or touched her.

 

This might not be cheating, but I don't think that matters. It's just not right.

[Athena]

What matters here is not what he thinks about all of this - what he thinks is obvious - he obviously thinks all of this is fine. What matters here is what YOU think.

 

It sounds to me like he is trying to convince you that his actions and ways of thinking should be OK with you. Thing is, in life, if you don't know what is right and wrong for you, there are plenty of people out there who are going to be willing to tell you.

 

Are you OK with his behavior? If not, own the fact that you don't like it, state it and stand by it. It may be a bit harsh, but, if you don't show yourself some respect you can't exepect that others will either. If he wants to keep you around, he'll have to respond to that.

 

-A

[CCardone76]

...

[Stefi]

He's just giving you excuses (and lame ones at that) to try to convince you that 1) It might be actually YOUR fault because you weren't there to "babysit" him, the nerve! and that 2) He actually did nothing wrong because he only touched the jewelry. (please) Next thing you know, he'll be telling you that you are the one that drives him to do those things... He obviously treats you like you're not smart at all. His behavior shows he has no amount of respect for you or your marriage. It's not true, not all men do that. It is an awful stereotype that all men are these primitive creatures with no control of their actions- that their penises rule over them. ALL of us have control over our own actions and there's no blaming hormones or "circumstances".

 

He chooses to behave the way he does because he has no respect for you (not even himself, it seems) and because so far it looks like he's always been able to get away with it. He acts badly, and then tries to flip it and make it seem that he had no control, or that since you left him unsupervised, it's not his fault he acted the way he did. He needs to grow up, and you need to wake up and start demanding respect. I'm sure there might be more to your situation, but please, please don't let him stomp on your feelings like that. No one deserves to be emotionally abused and belittled.

 

Best of luck,

Stefi

[sisterlynch]

It seems like a perversion -- as in a fetish-- more than a sexual addiction.

 

He seems like he is into stereotyping people. I have a sense that his parents never told him No for some reason, and this is what he needs to hear.

 

If you want a true definition of what he did, I would call it acting out. The girl and the neice were "co-conspirators" in the action. Maybe it is a part of an addiction, but I definitely think that he sees you more of a mother than a partner, the way that he is asking permission to sleep with her, and now that he has a willing partner at hand he wants to have an Open marriage!

 

To me this is all grounds for divorse. He needs to get control of his behavior. You are in something called a co dependent relationship.

 

What this means is that he is dependent upon an object--the other woman, or embarrassing you in public--this makes him happy and turned on.

 

You sit inocently by and allow all this to go on and then you are trying to justify his behavior by saying that he only touched the ring, what was the ring attached to, huh?

 

What if he touched her breast in front of everyone at the party? Would that be ok somehow, because he saw a breast and it turned him on?

 

What if he actually raped the girl and told you that he only touched the ring to make it seem like it was an invited action on her part?

 

Once you say ok by saying nothing, you are sliding down a slippery slope?

 

Do you have daughters? Is there one that he favors? What are you going to do when his daughter starts to behave the way that he is?

[CCardone76]

...

[Next Time]

CCardone

I must agree with the replies the others have given you.

There is simply NO excuse or rationalization your husband can

possibly come up with that justifies his outrageous behavior.

 

I am firmly for marriage and family. I was married to a man

for 12 yrs myself, but I do not believe your husband will change this

destructive (to you) behavior.

Why? Because he finds no fault in his actions. And I do consider

touching another womans genitalia being unfaithful! And I agree with you, why would he only touch the jewelry?

 

I would run, not walk to a counselor/psychologist, get that book Women Who Love too Much (I will also look for another title, as I could use it too)

AND call your attorney. In the meantime I would boot the husband out the door! If he wont go, YOU go with your kids, ANYWHERE.

He is emotionally abusive in the highest order. Remember this, you are not to blame for his actions, in any way shape or form!

He is totally responsible for ALL his actions, and they are cruel, humiliating and totally reprehensible. You had your breasts done, which a woman should do only if SHE wants it to make herself feel better, never to please another person.

Sweetie, you deserve better! Your children deserve a mom who is respected by a man, not emotionally battered. If you dont do this for yourself, consider your children being raised in a home where the FATHER ROLE MODELtreats MOM so disrespectfully...believe me, children learn what they live.

Good luck and please post again to let us know what is happening!

[Serendipity1607307077]

Save yourself before you get too hurt.. You don't deserve to be treated like that.

[hurtabandoned]

There is no excuse for your husbands actions. His explanations are even more ridiculous. Trying to blame you for not going to the gas station with them and only touching the jewelry is the dumbest thing that I've ever heard. I can't believe he was able to say that with a straight face. If he believes his own excuses then he needs to seek some sort of help.

 

His actions in front of a minor is even more appalling. Even though your niece acts the way she does that is NO excuse for behaving this way in front of her. Your niece is 17 but at what age does he think that it is inappropriate to behave that way in front of. He is an adult and he needs to be acting like one.

 

You may have more problems other than the way that he is treating you if you are not careful.

[sisterlynch]

This guy needs therapy. He is not in control of his own mind or body. I feel that he probably has other drug or alcohol problems and that the sexuality is only a way of hurting you and driving you "away."

 

Once when I was about 12 or thirteen, and man, the father of a friend, reached around in the truck and touched me, I still remember the moment, when his finger came toward me, very slowly waiting for a reaction.

 

I guess that he somehow knew that I wouldn't tell anyone, although everyone in the car knew what was occurring. I lost contact with that family and nothing like that has occurred to me since.

 

I can picture the whole insident that you are descibing and it is very unsettling to know that you wish to accept this behavior from him. I must assume that something in your past too relates to this and that is the reason that you have trouble passing judgement on his behavior.

 

It seems that everyone wants you to get help for this. I would call up the insurance company that you guys have and say that you want therapy for depression, and then get the best help that you can.

 

You can do better, you need to make up your mind to work on this, that is all.

[jasminebose]

I can't even begin to respond to this it is just so outrageous to me. So I'm amazed how you are coping. This guy is unbelievable, a total loser. He has 3 children to you and is acting like he isn't even married! I'm amazed. I think you need to get away from him as soon as possible. He sounds like a terrible influence on you and your children. You can not risk your children being around this. It is really perverted. I wouldn't even enter into discussions with him, he doesn't deserve your time. There are no explanations for this. Just get out.

 

JZ

[piscesprincess]

I don't know much about your infidelity or issues with "cheating"- however, this man who is supposed to be your husband has certainly crossed the line. Frankly, he may never change.

 

Unless, he wants to work things out professionally- aka. couples therapy, it seems that the best thing to do is separate or eventually divorce if not for you then your children (not to mention your future baby).

 

Be strong. Believe it or not, there are great men out there or maybe you should build up your selfesteem & stay aware from toxic men b/c you deserve much better

[Scout]

I'm in shock he did this in front of his niece. That's beyond inappropriate - it's downright creepy and disgusting.

[get mad get everyth]

i'm sorry about your husband, the only thing that i am going to tell you is

are you sure you want your kids to live with this man??? i think they will notice some day, some how, he's sick!!!! in front of your niece!!!??? be careful if you have daughters

that's my advice