Is it possible

[Tanzi]

Is it really possible that a long term relationship/marriage can work when there is a 13 year age gap?

 

My boyfriend is the younger one. Can he really be "the one"? If it wasn't for the age difference there wouldn't be any problem at all. Our relationship is otherwise perfect.

[sidehop]

I don't see why not; every person and every couple have different goals in their life. If there are no conflicts in that sense & you two are happy, then don't let anything/anyone hold you back

[abitbroken]

It can work. The only time there is a question is if a) The younger of the two has not reached adulthood or has not gone through the experience of being on their own two feet, being responsible for bills, and all the other adult stuff or doesn't know yet what they want in life. In that case, the relationship may have an expiration date b) differing ideas about kids. If you are past an age where you feel comfortable having children and you don't want to help raise any )no adoption), then it won't work. Or if he is not sure yet and you are a definite "no".

 

If you both agree and are on the same page, and he is past the point of not knowing who he is, then I'd say go for it. 13 years of both folks are over a certain age is no big deal. But if he is 18-22, it might later on. Not in ALL relationships, but in a lot.

[Tanzi]

Thank you for your posts. We don't have any conflicts and we are definitely on the same page. Children aren't a problem because it has never been a major desire of his to have any. He is almost 30 so for the most part he knows what he wants out of life, he might not have completely got there yet, but he knows where he is headed. The only issue in the relationship is the age and it seems it is only an issue for me.

[Fudgie]

I don't see why not.

 

You guys definitely have to be on the same page in terms of what you both want in the future. Kids, jobs, lifestyle habits, etc. You can't overlook that stuff.

 

I agree with abitbroken, it's best when both people are in their early 20s or later, but that's true of ANY relationship, age difference or not. Many people at that age just do not know what they want yet so it can be difficult to have a long term relationship with them. Heck, I've known some of my peers who go through partners like they go through socks and that isn't because they are "players", it's because they don't know what they want in life or a partner and are in that "exploring" phase.

 

That being said, I am 20 (almost 21)and I'm with someone 38 years older. We've been together over a year (coming on 2), out of the honeymoon phase, and we do just fine together But I think that's because we have mutual interests/goals and I know what I want and I don't falter on that. I can't say the same for many of my peers.

[Fudgie]

Thank you for your posts. We don't have any conflicts and we are definitely on the same page. Children aren't a problem because it has never been a major desire of his to have any. He is almost 30 so for the most part he knows what he wants out of life, he might not have completely got there yet, but he knows where he is headed. The only issue in the relationship is the age and it seems it is only an issue for me.

 

Opps I just posted then saw your new post.

 

So...if you're both on the same page and such, and he is almost 30...what are the problems you have with his age? Is it future concerns that worry you, or maybe he's on a different maturity level?

[Tanzi]

No we are both on the same maturity level. It is definitely the future that worries me. When he is 40 I will be 53, when is 50 I will be 63. This doesn't seem to concern him and I guess I can't understand why not. I wonder if he is being a little naive sometimes and not thinking about it properly.

[Fudgie]

If he's fine with you aging first, then that's okay. Women tend to outlive men anyway, so being the older women in a relationship actually makes sense more.

 

He may be naive about it, or maybe he's just already accepted it.

[Tanzi]

Women tend to outlive men anyway,

 

A fact that, for some reason, I felt the need to point out to him .

[sweetpea03]

A fact that, for some reason, I felt the need to point out to him .

 

yea, that is definitely true.. and I think he is truly ok with it if he says he is. I see no problem with the age gap. I've thought a lot about how my boyfriend is almost 11 years older, so when I'm 30 he'll be 41. I'm ok with it. I think what bothered me in the beginning was other people's thoughts getting in the way. But if you are both happy, then you can definitely make it work.

[Tanzi]

He is totally OK with it and we are both happy. The way things are at the moment I see no reason why things can't work out. I just wonder if things will still be the same in say 10/15/20 years or so when the age gap might be more obvious.

[Fudgie]

Nobody knows the future, even in same-age relationships.

 

The people who get the most flack for age gaps are the younger folks. When you're older, no one seems to care that much.

[Chicklet]

It is SOOOOO possible!!!! I know!!! 13 has been my lucky number for going on seven years now. lol Best of luck!