dumper feelin down

[kinetic32]

its been 8 days now

no contact.. no nothing

 

when i left her i had enough.. i just did.. i knew in my heart she wasnt the girl for me.

we may have had a future.. but i didnt want to wait 20 years till she could have some faith and take a chance... i already waited 2 years.

 

the day after i broke it off.. i started talking to another girl.. she just came out of nowhere and was unexpected.. she is everything im looking for and more.

not because i specificaly see the things in her my ex didnt have... but i mean she literally has all the qualities im looking for... for the past few months i been listing in my head the things i want in a woman.... the funny thing is she is it and came out of nowhere... i went with it. and im glad i did.

we have the best talks.. i dont recall laughing that hard in a long time..

people say im different i seem happy.. they all say did you guys break up? because i havent seen you this pleasant and happy in a long time.

 

i feel guilty...

i feel bad because i feel like if she knew i was excited about another female so fast it would devastate her... thinking she was that easy to get over.

 

even though she wasnt.

 

I grieved for her for the past year... and im the sink or swim type of person.

and i chose to swim and carry on and take faith that this new girl came for a reason and that i should grab it because... its like its what i asked for and literally came the next day.

 

something makes me want to contact her.. the 8 days have flown by like nothing.

yet i feel like i owe something. but i shouldnt owe anything

 

and i know if i talk to her... there will be a rush of bad news to follow.. the pain and rage will come back, ill want to sabotage current events.. ill feel bad.. and guilty

 

maybe its the curiosity of knowing how she is dealing with things?

 

its like i dont care but im still drawn. does this make sense.

 

im not in love with her... and i dont feel bad about it.. some things arent meant to be ..

 

so why do i feel like i should talk to her? when i hve no intentions of getting back togethor.

[Shawnee77]

I dont think you should contact her just yet. If she happens to be crushed and waiting for you to crawl back she might take this as a sign you are doing just that. I am going through a deal now. My ex contacted me after a week 1/2 with his new number... although I ended things with him kinda sorta. I got cold feet and have decided I want him back... anyway in my head I think if he didnt care or want me back why would he have contacted me with his new number in the first place right?..... just be careful. If you really care about her think about this and her feelings.

[Hell_On_Heels]

I don't mean to burst your bubble, but there is no way you could know the new girl has all the things you want ina woman with none of your dealbreakers. You've known her for 8 days?

 

Leave your ex alone, and let her get over you. Also, take some time to think about whether you do owe her anything. If so, what? If not, why are you feeling this way?

[AutumnBorn]

....im not in love with her... and i dont feel bad about it.. some things arent meant to be ..

 

so why do i feel like i should talk to her? when i hve no intentions of getting back togethor.

 

 

You have no right to call her if you have no intention of getting back together, so put the desire out of your mind. When you feel it, just tell yourself she's fine. She will be, too, if you don't call her. You feel like you should talk to her either out of habit or you're in denial about your feelings for her. Other than communication problems, was there an issue that needed to be addressed?

[kinetic32]

you mean post break up issues? or pre break up issues? there is no post.. the pre break up issues yes the main things

 

1: 2 years and she wont commit or talk about living togethor, moving, or getting married

2: she is so inconsiderate of me.. final straw was me finding out she had asked some guy who she has seen once since we been togethor... whom i dont know...out for dinner and drinks.

 

I promptly threw her out and we havent spoken since.

[namelesslady]

Your post is contradictory; In the beginning, you said you feel guilty and don't want your ex to feel replaced, but then you said later on that you don't understand why the idea of contacting her appeals to you because you don't feel guilty or bad. So which one is it? I personally think you overreacted. Women can be friends with men and sometimes you just want to do different things with other people that you don't do with your bf/gf. Did you even talk to her about it? I think you didn't want to confront the real problems in the relationship (her unwillingness to commit) so you just found a reason to break up with her instead of dealing with the actual issue. Do not contact her. Leave her alone and let her heal. You did not handle this situation very well at all. I also don't think you're ready to date. You've met the girl of you dreams 8 days ago? You are jumping the gun. Tread lightly, my friend.

[1guygirl]

I think if you say you dont wanna hurt her anymore etc then dont be selfish and contact her, and keep this new girl under wraps, dont flaunt it or rub her face in it.

 

but im sorry to break it to ya, you dont know this new girl enough to proclaim she is everything you want. Rebound anyone??? do the new girl a favour aswell, and dont rush into a relationship with her.

[kinetic32]

ok please dont assume anything. no one is jumping anything.. i said she is great and we click very well.. i also said i was over this relationship a year ago.... and if you read to you comment about not dealing with it .. we broke up twice before cause ofthese issues. im fine with the whole thing so why cant i hang out with someone else?? no one is rushing anything.. life came at me and i went with it.. so please (nameless) learn to read and dont bring your bitterness here.. my situation is obviously not the same thing that happened to you. sounds like you need to get over things in your own life. good luck!

[kinetic32]

and please dont assume i am that stupid as to think that a new girl has no flaws... i think i understand reality.

[namelesslady]

Wow, thank you for the extremely immature response. Don't ask for advice and then get all bent out of shape just because you didn't get a response you wanted. If you are aware of how advice works, you'd understand that it consists of OPINIONS. And you also neglected to answer me when I asked why you contradicted yourself in your post. Do not presume that I am bitter and that I am speaking from my own personal experience. If you ask for advice, be prepared for the advice that will be given and don't expect it to be candy coated. I wish you luck.

[namelesslady]

P.S. Please don't feel like I was implying that you're stupid or unrealistic. No one was. We just wanted to warn you not to fall too hard too fast. I apologize if I came off as accusatory, as that certainly wasn't my intention. But all I can do, just like anyone else, is offer insight and wisdom and opinion. Take it for what it is. But there is no need to call me bitter. It's rude and immature, especially when I didn't attack you. Take care.

[AutumnBorn]

you mean post break up issues? or pre break up issues? there is no post.. the pre break up issues yes the main things

 

I mean the "why" of it, if there were any loose ends you felt you needed to tie up, or closure you think she needs.

 

1: 2 years and she wont commit or talk about living togethor, moving, or getting married

2: she is so inconsiderate of me.. final straw was me finding out she had asked some guy who she has seen once since we been togethor... whom i dont know...out for dinner and drinks.

 

I promptly threw her out and we havent spoken since.

 

 

I'm sorry she made you feel unsafe. It seems to me to have been the core issue in your decision. You wanted the security of a commited future and her dragging her feet could only result in you thinking she believed you weren't "the one" for her. Once we find "the love our lives", we want to dive right in and get our happily ever after started. If our partner doesn't dive with us, it can only mean they don't have the same level of passion for us as we have for them.

 

Based on #1 alone, it appears you had good reason to make an exit. Regarding #2, she should have addressed your concern by introducing you to him. Friends we can't share with our partners aren't friends at all. Uncoupling calls this person the "transitional person". If you haven't read Uncoupling, I highly recommend it. It's a fascinating look at the universal ways relationships end.

 

- It's unfortunate our tone doesn't come accross well in posts. There's concern about your finding someone you so interesting right after ending things with your ex because history and sociology indicate it's usually not a positive experience for at least one of the two people involved in the end. We know you know it intellectually, but we're all sometimes in denial emotionally. Nameless and 1guy are expressing care for your well-being, nothing more.