Do you think this is wrong?

[Lauren8785]

My Fiance and I and MY friends all went to the pool one day together. After, my Fiance told my friend "Willa" asked him if her chest was red. I was thinking to myself * * * , why would MY friend ask him a question like that.

 

I confronted her and she said she meant her neck area and that it was a harmless question. I said whether it meant anything or not thats not a question to ask your friend's Fiance. I feel thats inappropriate! I mean, how would you like it if I asked your man a question like that. I don't think you would appreciate that very much.

 

My question to you guys is, do you think it's wrong to ask something like that, whether it was intended or not?? I don't think so. It's like my Fiance's friend asking me if his "thing" is big. Its just something you don't do!

[RedDress]

Based solely on what you wrote, I think you are overreacting. By A LOT.

 

Does your Fiance and Willa have a history together? Does Willa frequently flirt with your fiance? Is she a bit of a hoochie? Do you think she pulled her bikini top down to show him?

 

If the answer to all of the above questions are "no" and there isn't anything else to the story... yeah... you are overreacting. I'll ask my Grandma if my chest looks red. I'll ask a child. I'll ask my neighbor. I'll ask random person standing in line waiting for a drink. It's really not a sexualized question... it's a health thing.

 

Unless, of course, she MADE it a sexualized thing.

 

I don't think it's inherently wrong, no.

[lucasky]

I don't see anything inappropriate in your friend's actions. You were at the pool. Presumably she was in a swimsuit. Its very possible she was worried about getting a burn. People ask one another all the time if they're burning when they're out in the sun. Her actions were totally normal and reasonable. Your reaction seems the most wrong in this scenario.

[Jd1983]

Honestly, I would probably be bothered by this too.

 

I wouldn't want any of my friends to ask my bf this. In my opinion, that's too personal.

[lucasky]

Honestly, I would probably be bothered by this too.

 

I wouldn't want any of my friends to ask my bf this. In my opinion, that's too personal.

 

Woah. Well I guess its a matter of opinion then. Asking about a burn shouldn't have to be sexual or personal. Like the first person to reply said - its a health thing.

[Sparkly Eyes]

I think you are overreacting as well. But I probably wouldn't ask such question myself, but it shouldn't be a big deal.

[Jd1983]

Woah. Well I guess its a matter of opinion then. Asking about a burn shouldn't have to be sexual or personal. Like the first person to reply said - its a health thing.

 

Asking about a burn is one thing, but asking about the chest area is another.

 

Her friend specifically mentioned her chest to her bf, and then changed it to her neck. Two different things, imo.

[WockaWocka]

Sunburn is no laughing matter. Why would this be an inappropriate question? You should thank her for trying to look after you.

 

Wocka wocka wocka!

[woodc5]

I guess it all depends on how she went about asking him, i.e. gestures, tone, etc. The only people that know what really happened are your boyfriend and your friend. Your friend surely isn't going to tell you and your boyfriend probably didn't care about it too much or else he wouldn't have told you. You should probably let it go without anything definitive saying she was hitting on your boyfriend.

[WockaWocka]

Sorry, I misunderstood. Thought she was asking him if YOUR chest was red and was looking out for you. Couldn't figure out why it would bother you!!

 

Ok, so she asked him about HER chest. I agree she should have chosen someone, anyone else to ask. But as woodc said only the 2 of them know what happened so you should give her the benefit of the doubt.

 

In general, if you're getting married to someone who is reasonably interesting and attractive (and I assume you are!) there will often be situations where women will flirt with him. Even with the ring on. Ultimately for the marriage to work you need to trust that the other person will handle it appropriately. Getting angry/jealous at the other women only shows some degree of insecurity on your part.

 

Please ignore what I said above. This is my new opinion and I'm sticking to it!

 

Wocka wocka wocka

[Lauren8785]

The point is she asked My fiance about HER chest! I wouldn't go out of my way or wait til I was alone with her man and ask about my chest. That is wrong and I don't believe its overreacting at all. She could have waited and asked her three close friends that question NOT my fiance who she barely even knows! That to me seems wrong and inappropriate.

[Lauren8785]

Asking about a burn is one thing, but asking about the chest area is another.

 

Her friend specifically mentioned her chest to her bf, and then changed it to her neck. Two different things, imo.

 

Yes I agree with this statement, weird isn't it????

[WockaWocka]

The point is she asked My fiance about HER chest! I wouldn't go out of my way or wait til I was alone with her man and ask about my chest. That is wrong and I don't believe its overreacting at all. She could have waited and asked her three close friends that question NOT my fiance who she barely even knows! That to me seems wrong and inappropriate.

 

I agree, she should have asked someone else. No two ways about it. But if it's a good enough friendship then I think you should give her the benefit of the doubt. On the other hand, if you think she is flirty like this around a lot of guys and would have no qualms about trying to seduce your fiance, then maybe you need to distance yourself from her.

 

But the bigger picture here is that getting super jealous/angry only shows insecurity on your part. As I said above, if you trust your fiance then you need to accept that women may flirt with him from time to time and he will behave appropriately. If you don't feel like you can trust him then maybe you should reexamine the decision to get married to him.

[Lauren8785]

I agree, she should have asked someone else. No two ways about it. But if it's a good enough friendship then I think you should give her the benefit of the doubt. On the other hand, if you think she is flirty like this around a lot of guys and would have no qualms about trying to seduce your fiance, then maybe you need to distance yourself from her.

 

But the bigger picture here is that getting super jealous/angry only shows insecurity on your part. As I said above, if you trust your fiance then you need to accept that women may flirt with him from time to time and he will behave appropriately. If you don't feel like you can trust him then maybe you should reexamine the decision to get married to him.

 

I am not jealous or mad at all. I ask because I'm curious to know if other people would find this inappropriate to ask!! Thank you for agreeing. I told my friend that I felt that it is an inappropriate question to ask your friends Fiance. That's like one of my Fiance's friends asking me if his package is big, its just something that you don't ask cause its wrong!

 

Yeah I don't know her and I have been friends for a very very long time but she has done some bogus things in the past as a friend. Nothing ever like this though but this is the first time I been with a guy and that we've been together for a long time so I really wouldn't know if she'd be sneaky behind my back. Its a half and half feeling for me. So I may keep my distance for a while cause sometimes she seems like a true friend and other times she does not.

 

Still its like why didn't she ask her three close friends, instead of MY man?? Seems odd to me. Yet she claims we were not around at the time. My friend and I were only a couple inches away, she could have waited to ask us, she did NOT need to ask him!