Do i bring up his cousin's wedding (as his date?)

[abnyc]

so we broke up last year -- got back together back in early june.

 

he was the one that did the dumping last year and shocked me after 9 months NC of wanting to "take it slow and start anew".

 

Things have been going ok -- we're officially "dating again" and taking it slow.

 

either way his cousin's wedding is in 3.5 weeks -- he brought it up in a group setting as convo about something else last weekend -- i was shocked because he hasn't asked me to be his date. I did not meet his family last time around (we only saw each other for about 2 months).

 

Should i be upset he hasn't asked me to go with him? And do i bring it up? Or let it go once the weekend comes? I'm been trying to play it cool, we have been spending lots of time together and repairing what happened last year. And when i say keep it slow we are not sleeping together again yet and go on dates about 2-3 times a week.

 

we're both in our early 30's.

[abitbroken]

No, I would not bring the cousin's wedding up. Wait for him to ask you. Also, you just started dating again. If you only were together 2 months before, this is a new relationship. If you never met the family, this may not be the way he'd like to introduce you to everyone. Depending on his role, he could be very busy and not want to leave you stranded at a table with strangers. Or he might not be ready to do that. I would, myself, prefer to meet immediate family at a place other than a big wedding. But that's just me.

 

I would let this one slide - but if he doesn't introduce you to someone in his family - if they are geographically close and if they see eachother often - within a few months, I would bring it up.

[abnyc]

I would let this one slide - but if he doesn't introduce you to someone in his family - if they are geographically close and if they see eachother often - within a few months, I would bring it up.

 

actually i have met his sister and a female cousin of his -- he has a huge family and they are very tight (greek). maybe you're right about him not wanting to introduce me in such a big manner.

[DN]

He also may not have had an invitation that includes a guest.

[LillyLooWho]

I would think about what you really want: if you want to continue growing your relationship in peace or if you want to make a demand on him that could change how things unfold between you two.

 

I think you should give him a pass on this wedding and not make any assumptions about why he isn't taking you that make it appear that he doesn't like you or is ashamed of you or anything negative like that. It could be he doesn't have a guest invitation or he's not ready to introduce you to everyone or something else that is not a reflection on you.

 

However if you decide not to confront him with this, then you have to let it go. You can't bring it up afterwards or act hurt or angry. You said you two were going slow so maybe this is part of going slow.

[abitbroken]

He also may not have had an invitation that includes a guest.

 

I didn't think about this. You guys would not have been together when the wedding was being planned. It may have been planned for a whole year. I would think he wouldn't have even told anyone you were dating again if you are taking it slow til about now, for example and it would have felt funny for him to tell the cousin who may be on a budget to include more folks. It could also be that in his family, people don't bring "dates" but only bring wives, fiancees, etc. If it were next year at this time and you guys were together as girlfriend/boyfriend it may be different.

[Ms Darcy]

I personally don't think it's worth bringing up, especially if you are taking it slow. It's a new relationship and the relationship is not at that point yet.

[abnyc]

thanks for the advice! I'm gonna let it go for now.

[stu1973]

Hi abnyc,

 

I wouldn't bring it up, especially if you are taking it slow, after a long time apart, when you weren't originally together for long. Taking it slow means that, just chill out, relax, and see where the relationship takes you. If he doesn't ask you, don't overanalyse the fact.

 

I was seeing my ex for two months too, it was like two months out of the Hollywood movies, but I made a major error ( not through badness, but through inexperience, even though I'm mid 30s! ). This caused her to lose attraction. I fought for her, and it was clear she didn't want to end it, but her attraction had gone.

 

Why is this relevant? Well, after I messed up, I sent flowers to her work with a note saying "L, You are the best thing that's happened to me in ages, I don't want to lose you.S". She asked me round that night, while there, she said I deserve another shot, but it can't go right back to the way it was before, we need to take it slowly. Now 2 weeks after this, my brother was getting married, so what did I do? I called her up and invited her, as my partner, to come to his wedding. She replied that going to the wedding with me was far too big a thing, when we were meant to be taking it slowly, and she ended it. I was very amicable, but it was just too much, too soon for her.

 

So just leave it!

[abnyc]

thanks stu and everyone else.

 

I haven't brought up the wedding -- but on another front, he's totally pulled away the last week. he told me on monday that he was very depressed and wasn't leaving the house, just trying to sleep and get better.

I replied that i was here for him and i also wanted him to get better. no response. I wrote him an email this morning -- he had told me that i need to tell him when he's "blowing it" (his term) so i did. I said that i needed him to make time for me, even if it was coffee. I haven't heard back yet. Who knows, maybe its over. THIS IS SO HARD! I haven't stopped crying all day.

 

(he's been depressed the last few weeks because of losing his job). I have been patient but its killing me waiting for him to contact me so I sent the email. It wasn't mean, just matter of fact. So this whole thing may be moot.

 

THIS SUCKS. Why can't i meet someone new?

(sorry I had to vent)