I did exactly what I thought I should've done

[Nappeal]

And all it did was make me feel more angry and hurt.

 

I texted him if he meant what he said in his drunk call. Later simply asked him to not ignore me. Then said my gut says he's not going to be around for his kid. Then finally that I have another baby appt coming up this week. 4 messages in 4 hours, and what do I get in return?

 

Complete nothingness.

 

I'm trying to reason in my head that mabe he lost his phone or something, but I know he didn't; he saw the messages and put his phone right back in his pocket and is just ignoring me. How could you do that to another person, much less someone pregnant w your child? I never would have thought he'd do that to me, especially in our situation. I went to bed PISSED, and now @ 2 am, I am awake and sad, taking this very personally. It is within his MO to be capable of ignoring me or anyone else. Not to mention I got up in a bit of a rush-my complexe's electricity has gone out yet again this summer and my Co2 detector going off woke me up...now the sound of the exploding transformers are keeping me up.

 

I'm in a shtty mood now. How do you ignore the woman pregnant w your kid? It boggles my mind...and hurts. All I can do in my head is say 'he can't truly ignore me no matter how much he wants to...he'll always remember 'the btch Nappeal' taking money from him every month lol. He'll never be able to rid homself of me...

 

How does anyone else deal w someone purposly ignoring them w out wanting to give them a piece of their mind AND taking it personal?

[Nappeal]

I know exactly that this is a sign to so strict NC for a month. NC had been broken by us both recently and its done no good. Fk even LC. I have 2 more months to go till I"m due, so nothing big should happen in this month that I may have to speak to him. Grrrr. complete & extreme NC.

[Ebrithil]

I think first of all you should focus on what is important a developing child within the mother can sense her emotions and that has an effect on the childs development in life, so try to put him out of your mind or see it more that he is hurting himself by missing out on somthing so important.

 

The problem with being ignored is it makes you feel small, unwanted and insignificant but he is on the other side of the bored and you should be asking yourself why is he hiding from you? what is it that he is afraid of? if he had doughts about all of this he would be talking to you like a normal person, so to me it seems more like he is afraid of somthing, he knows its going to change his life and is trying to hide from it.

[WockaWocka]

I'm so sorry Nappeal. He is not being very supportive of your pregnancy nor taking responsibility for his drunk dial.

 

I do think his drunk dial was pretty emotionally effusive and he must be embarrassed and worried that you're going to confront him about it. And as I mentioned on your last thread I think you should take some comfort from what he said in his calls/texts. Certainly it's not all true but in my experience the lowered inhibitions means it's not all false either.

 

Here's what he said before.

 

 

 

So again, I think you can take some comfort from it but also understand he's keeping his distance because he's confused. Being a father and sending child support is probably weighing heavily on his mind. (Not to excuse his behavior -- you are obviously the one going through pregnancy right now!)

 

What I would do is maybe in a few days (before this appointment or else give it some time) try to approach him from a rational, matter-of-fact place to discuss co-parenting (and co-pregnancy). Is he going to be accompanying you to appointments? There for the birth? (Hopefully you've talked about some of these details). Just explain that you would appreciate his support during the pregnancy but if he's not going to be reliable you will forge on ahead without him (and send him the child support bill). It's difficult to be co-parents when there are unresolved feelings but unfortunately I think you have to set the longing and desire aside as much as possible and interact with him more as a business partner. Having him be a part of the pregnancy and the baby's life will be better in the long run, even if it's painful.

 

Good luck.

[Nappeal]

Thanks guys -

 

I am doing my best to focus solely on the pregnancy and baby, some days its just hard and I'm hoping that has to do w hormones. This whole thing is just SO far from black and white its stupid. Before the end of the relationship, he was involved w the pregnancy short of coming to basically all of the appointments. He's always seemed genuinely interested in full involvement. Now since the break up, his actions are showing he probably won't be too involved. IDK what to believe, and that adds a whole lot of stress. We've discussed, but not to great length, about whether or not he's going to be around and he says he'll be involved but that all I can do is wait and see...I want solid answers that I'll never get. The guy is too self-involved to care or worry about what another person is going thru. Not knowing what's going to happen is the hardest thing. He's the WORSE @ communication, so he could be feeling scared, but this isn't his first trip to the rodeo - he has 2 other children..I think he's just being a great big selfish POS.

 

I'm not holding much weight w the call Wocka...its exactly like you said. Mostly honest w a stretching of the truth. He never followed up w it, so I can only imagine it wasn't of any meaning to him.

 

Sorry guys, I'm just having an extremely hard time getting my head and emotions together. I feel like having this baby will be the defining point for my situation and emotions...I just know these last 2 months are going to be difficult.

[Ebrithil]

You will be fine just keep your chin up and do it all for yourself. There is only one person you can count on to make you happy and that is yourself but sometime you will have to remind yourself of that and push away the bad thoughts or thos negative emotions.

 

I have a simple rule in my life that gets me by and that is to assume that no one else is going to help me unless they states specficaly that they are and make actions to support their words. Make your plans as the world appears to you now and adapt to new circumstances as they arrive, if he missis out on his childs growth and development thats going to be his problem not somthing you have to concern yourself with but what he has to. Just do your best and when you make a decision make it for the right reasons not to make a point or to snipe and you will feel the better for it all the best.

[WockaWocka]

I agree with you in most situations Ebrithil but IMHO a pregnancy and birth is a bit different. You can do it on your own but it would be much easier with a support network. Maybe Nappeal has local friends and family who will step up to help with appointments and other logistics so that she can remain NC with the father? I hope so.

[No1]

next time he texts you or drunk calls you, you can say, to next time, talk to your lawyer.. ha ha.. that should wake him up.