Question concerning oral sex and gf...

[Shepard]

Well, before getting into it; I am 33 and my gf is 21 and she is a virgin with very little experience.

 

Anyway, picked her up from the airport last night and things kind of got heavy when we went back to her place one thing led to another. This has happened before as I will explain:

 

I love going down on my gf (because A) I care about her, B)her vagina is extremely clean and even tastes good and C) it is extremely well formed)...

 

and I think I am pretty good at giving oral sex, most of my partners in the past complimented me on it but I swear I have gone over 40 minutes of giving her oral and she never even comes close to orgasm (which was never the case with others) and eventually I just get tired. Granted she has very, very little sexual experience/contact but I just thought eventually it would happen.

 

The other thing concerns her giving me head; she says she wants to make me happy but she doesn't really seem to enjoy it or get into it the way I do when I go down on her. The other major problem is that she complains that she feels like she is choking (I am neither big nor small, just a normal penis) and I have NEVER heard that before. There is no passion when she does it (though granted she really doesn't have any idea how to do it and I am neither a woman nor gay so I can't really show her). But every time she complains that she feels like she is choking. I feel like I put a lot of effort into pleasing her and I enjoy giving it to her as well but her reluctance, lack of enthusiam and complaints kind of bother me. I feel like I am giving a lot but get little in return. On the other hand, I don't ever want her to feel obligated to do anything; I just want her to want to do it like I do for her and be really into it. Maybe it is just a factor of time and practise but I am not sure. Knowing that she really doesn't enjoy it or at least is apathetic about it is a huge turn off. I care about her a lot and I guess I could make the sacrifice of foregoing receiving oral sex but it is kind of important to me. Not sure what to do but to summarise:

 

1. Lick her for a really, really long time but she never has an orgasm

2. She doesn't really get into giving me head and complains that she can't breathe/feels like she is choking...

 

Any ideas?](*,)

[mfan]

and I think I am pretty good at giving oral sex, most of my partners in the past complimented me on it but I swear I have gone over 40 minutes of giving her oral and she never even comes close to orgasm (which was never the case with others) and eventually I just get tired. Granted she has very, very little sexual experience/contact but I just thought eventually it would happen.

Maybe she doesn't "appreciate the good stuff" yet, just like someone who's never seen a movie before would appreciate the simplest, dumbest movie but wouldn't "get" a complicated art film, but after some time they would begin to be bored of ordinary movies and would appreciate the beauty in more unusual or special things.

 

What I'm saying is, maybe your lovemaking has to be more simple and straightforward at the beginning and build up to your special skills. Or whatever.

[SandyJ]

Maybe she doesn't "appreciate the good stuff" yet, just like someone who's never seen a movie before would appreciate the simplest, dumbest movie but wouldn't "get" a complicated art film, but after some time they would begin to be bored of ordinary movies and would appreciate the beauty in more unusual or special things.

 

What I'm saying is, maybe your lovemaking has to be more simple and straightforward at the beginning and build up to your special skills. Or whatever.

 

 

I agree that this could be very possible.

 

I also think it's important for guys to realise that no matter how skilled you are, not all women will orgasm from oral. It can feel blissful but it may not necessarily be the right stuff to get her off. Even if you spent 3 hours down there!

 

She may also have hang ups about oral sex overall, hence her being somewhat reluctant to give it, as well as receive.

 

Focus on building your sexual relationship as mfan suggested - the basics first. Give her lots of O's with your fingers so she's totally comfortable. Then talk with her about this.

It may be that this is just how she is and it's not going to change, and therefore you two are not completely compatible.

[agent1607307371]

Maybe she just doesn't like oral sex. Sometimes, it's just that simple.

[anggrace]

Your sexually mature/experienced and she's not. Im not sure there is anything that's going get her to see or feel the same way you do about oral other than it happening in her own time. Trying to force it will probably just make it worse. It will probably just take a lot of patience, trying new things and acceptance.

[Sparkly Eyes]

Lol, I love this part. You must have had some bad ones before.

 

Like another poster said, not all women can orgasm from oral...maybe that area is not sensitive enough for them. But there are two things you can do:

 

1. Touch all over her body when you are giving oral. This works if she goes on top.

2. Tell her to fantasize or think about erotic stuff, that usually helps me a lot in achieving orgasm. Orgasm happens in brain first.

 

Does she orgasm any other way?

 

Believe it or not, not all women like giving oral...In fact I had a discussion with some girl friends once and they said they hate it and just do it for the sake of the guy. I was surprised...she might be the same but maybe she grow to like it.

 

What do you mean you're not gay nor woman so you can't teach her? that doesn't make any sense! It is your penis and based on how you have gotten head before, you can definitely tell her how you like it.

[Shepard]

I do touch her; last time I fingered her at the same time. She said it was starting to feel better. Maybe I just need to be patient....she is an inexperienced virgin after all...

 

I did tell her what I like done but she just complained about a choking feeling... I could see how unenthusiastic about it she was...which like I said, was a turn off. We is willing to go 69 with me...maybe that will be good, no idea...or maybe I just need patience.

 

I should note that last night she was totally jetlagged, running on almost no sleep with a 13 hour time difference...might have had something to do with it?

[Sparkly Eyes]

I do touch her; last time I fingered her at the same time. She said it was starting to feel better. Maybe I just need to be patient....she is an inexperienced virgin after all...

 

I did tell her what I like done but she just complained about a choking feeling... I could see how unenthusiastic about it she was...which like I said, was a turn off. We is willing to go 69 with me...maybe that will be good, no idea...or maybe I just need patience.

 

I should note that last night she was totally jetlagged, running on almost no sleep with a 13 hour time difference...might have had something to do with it?

 

You didn't answer one important question of mine...Has she ever orgasmed any other way, by herself or with you?

 

Tell her to use her hands as well, she doesn't have to deep throat in order to give good oral in my experience.

[BellaStranger]

Personally, I'm not into oral- giving or receiving and have never orgasmed that way... and I'm certainly not inexperienced. It just doesn't float my boat... I have a good go at being enthusiastic for the sake of my bf but it's probably not that great for him because I don't have any illusion of being any good at it lol! Any guy who this was particularly important for would probably be sexually incompatible with me!

 

Maybe she is the same but hasn't had the experiences to figure this out about herself? If you really like her you will need to find compromises and other ways to be sexually satisfied!

[Shepard]

You didn't answer one important question of mine...Has she ever orgasmed any other way, by herself or with you?

 

Tell her to use her hands as well, she doesn't have to deep throat in order to give good oral in my experience.

 

No, she has never masturbated before; she has once now after I suggested she start...

[Sparkly Eyes]

No, she has never masturbated before; she has once now after I suggested she start...

 

So you have a long way with her still. Be patient, she is just very inexperienced...It will take time and patience for her to discover herself sexually. I came the third time I received oral, but I had masturbated countless times before that and knew how to use my brain for orgasming, I actually think that is the part she should practice more in, maybe she just doesn't feel horny enough.

[Shepard]

So you have a long way with her still. Be patient, she is just very inexperienced...It will take time and patience for her to discover herself sexually. I came the third time I received oral, but I had masturbated countless times before that and knew how to use my brain for orgasming, I actually think that is the part she should practice more in, maybe she just doesn't feel horny enough.

 

Yeah, keep on telling myself; just be patient...I'll do my best. (I don't even want to think what her first real sex will be like...ugh) Thanks...

[Cognitive_Canine]

Honestly, she's 21. A lot of women at that age are not comfortable with oral, especially receiving.

[itsallgrand]

Maybe she just isn't all that into sex. Or not at this level at this point in your relationship, but she isn't good about speaking up about that.

 

I don't buy it all has to do with virginity. We were all virgins at one point, we all have different approaches and outlooks on sex, different drives, different levels of curiosity and openness about things.

 

And right out of the starting gates, she's giving all the signals that she is basically there and that should be enough. Like it's an obligation.

 

I don't think it's up to adults to preen a partner into fitting their sexual compatibility, filling their needs. You look for someone compatible, and someone who can discuss things with the aim of both people being happy and with respect.

 

If someone is so far off the page, on a different story than you, it doesn't make sense to me to force it nor to force 'patience' that is really just a denial of what someone is showing them.

 

A girl that complain a penis feels like it is choking her during oral is either being faced with a rather forceful partner, or, she simply doesn't have the directness to tell you she has no intention of following through on it. Like Agent says, it could be as simple as she doesn't like it. She isn't saying that though, and why would she, when she gets it for as long as you can go before getting tired? lol. Just cause she doesn't like giving doesn't mean she doesn't like getting....and no orgasm just means she gets to enjoy the ride longer.

 

Selfish in bed, selfish in life. I think there is something to that saying. Virginity is no excuse for bad manners. lol.

[Philos]

Personally, it wasn't effective for getting my ex off. I could lick forever and I think I only ever got her off once that way (by contrast, she could have over 10 orgasms in one sex session, though she rarely wanted to cause it hurt). I'd usually end up just licking/sucking the clit and then fingering her at the same time.

[NightLily]

I think if you want to make things work you will have to go at her pace. Enjoy the little things as they come and look forward to things progressing. If what you want is "it all" and now, you will probably have to date somebody else.

[Sparkly Eyes]

 

A girl that complain a penis feels like it is choking her during oral is either being faced with a rather forceful partner, or, she simply doesn't have the directness to tell you she has no intention of following through on it. Like Agent says, it could be as simple as she doesn't like it. She isn't saying that though, and why would she, when she gets it for as long as you can go before getting tired? lol. Just cause she doesn't like giving doesn't mean she doesn't like getting....and no orgasm just means she gets to enjoy the ride longer.

 

Selfish in bed, selfish in life. I think there is something to that saying. Virginity is no excuse for bad manners. lol.

 

*shakes head*. LOTS of assumptions in this paragraph. I don't think she is postponing her orgasm just so that she enjoys the ride longer. In fact, I'm not even sure if she is enjoying it all that much, but I'm sure she is trying to.

 

Look, some women who have never masturbated or orgasmed don't understand the appeal of sex all that much. I've had a friend like that. She came to me, asking me questions, telling me she has never done it and she just doesn't even get horny...Yes, even the concept of horniness was something new to her. My guess is that this girl might be the same. These women can change with time and discover their sexuality....or in some cases they just have lower sex drives.

[Kenzie76]

If she's inexperienced and has only just started masturbating then she clearly doesn't know what she likes yet which is totally normal.

 

Her inexperience will stop her from letting go and will block some of the feelings that she's getting from oral.

 

I LOVE when my guy goes down on me, but its more mentally than physically, I need more 'firm' contact and find oral too soft for my liking, if he spends too long down there its just not great, but I love him doing it to me and me to him as its so intimate and although it feels good it just doesn't get my rocks off.

[perth_man87]

Are you sure she has ever masturbated to completion yet? I know you suggested it but could she for any reason at all have not done it yet?

 

I say this because my first ever orgasm was when my girlfriend gave me head and I had no idea it was coming... until I started cumming. It only felt like the sensations were getting stronger and stronger. So if she is so inexperienced in all things sexual that could be why she is struggling.

[irishgirl89]

Maybe shes nervous... this sounds quite familiar.. I am also 21, and couldnt cum or enjoy oral sex for a LONG time.. I love giving head and always did so that I cant relate too.. But as for you going down on her.. she is probably sooo nervous and shy and laying there wondering about what your thinking and thats why she cant enjoy it.. (cause thats what I did) ... same as giving you oral sex , she is probably over thinking and not relaxing and tensing up. I think you should talk to her about it.. if you cant do it face to face as it might be hard for her, try being it up threw text or on the computer or something. I think if she didnt enjoy oral sex all together she wouldnt engage in it at all with you. So, I personally think she is just nervous, at least thats what it sounds like to me... good luck

[itsallgrand]

*shakes head*. LOTS of assumptions in this paragraph. I don't think she is postponing her orgasm just so that she enjoys the ride longer. In fact, I'm not even sure if she is enjoying it all that much, but I'm sure she is trying to.

 

Look, some women who have never masturbated or orgasmed don't understand the appeal of sex all that much. I've had a friend like that. She came to me, asking me questions, telling me she has never done it and she just doesn't even get horny...Yes, even the concept of horniness was something new to her. My guess is that this girl might be the same. These women can change with time and discover their sexuality....or in some cases they just have lower sex drives.

 

What you said is in agreement with what I said. She might not be all that interested in sex.

 

Just your take on how much slack he should give her on it is different.

[Shepard]

What you said is in agreement with what I said. She might not be all that interested in sex.

 

Just your take on how much slack he should give her on it is different.

 

I'm thinking of giving her a present in the form of a pocket rocket or some beginner's vibrator...so she can learn about herself...

 

What do you guys think?

[Sparkly Eyes]

I'm thinking of giving her a present in the form of a pocket rocket or some beginner's vibrator...so she can learn about herself...

 

What do you guys think?

 

oops, Bad idea if you ask me...Well in my experience anyway. I'm afraid she might get used to the vibrator which can make it even harder to cum with you giving her oral. But maybe she can use it to learn and then get rid of it afterwards for a while.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I'm thinking of giving her a present in the form of a pocket rocket or some beginner's vibrator...so she can learn about herself...

 

What do you guys think?

 

You said she's a virgin, right?

 

This is a lot for her really fast. I think you need to slow it down in order for her to feel comfortable.

 

If, while a virgin, my boyfriend gave me a vibrator, I'd be majorly pressured and freaked out.

[Shepard]

You said she's a virgin, right?

 

This is a lot for her really fast. I think you need to slow it down in order for her to feel comfortable.

 

If, while a virgin, my boyfriend gave me a vibrator, I'd be majorly pressured and freaked out.

 

Yeah, maybe it is too fast....I just want it to work...