Engaged then dumped

[NMDCAZ]

I started dating a woman I have known for 20 years. We are both divorced. Her last two relationships (after her divorce) were physically (the first one) and emotionally (first and second) abusive. She and her latest ex had been borken up 6 months and had reconciled (his idea) 3 times for a couple of days, each time he walked out again. She and I were were together 6 months then engaged. Two days after her latest ex found out that we were engaged he pulled out all the stops and wanted to reconcile again (which would have been the 4th time). She told him that we were together, happy, and engaged. He wrote a long e-mail about their lives together, the loss of their parents, the loss of their pets, their children playing together, how he gets teary eyed at their old grocery store. This guy had emotionally tormented her for 2 years, made her move twice in order to make his commute to work easier and then dumped her. He is insanely jealous and ridicules her constantly. Well, after a week of daily e-mails, she told me she didn't think she was over her relationship with him and broke up with me. This was AFTER she asked me to move up our wedding date to this fall rather than next summer. AFTER we made vacation plans (her idea). AFTER she told me I made her happier than she had ever been. She told me I was the only person that had truly loved and respected her. She also had told me that if we got married her ex would leave us alone. She had told me that he was only trying to manipulate her and this entire attempt at reconcilliation was nothing more than a competition thing for him. Regardless, she left me for him.

 

It's been 3 weeks. She has e-mailed me and asked me where I am living, if I was ever going to pick up some things I had left behind, told me how lucky she was to have had me while we were together, and hoped my life was going well. I sent no reply. I have not initiated nor answered any contact with her since the night she broke up with me. All my family and friends have said it is only a matter of time until he dumps her again (now that the competition is gone) and she will come back with the "I made a terrible mistake" excuse. They also said they will disown me if I take her back.

 

Please tell me, 1. What was going through her head? and 2. Should I ever make contact with her again?

[mr_zanon]

1. Don't know. Some people like pain and suffering, she might be one of them.

2. Some people here probably will ask you something like "do you really want someone like THAT to be with you?". That's a good question, it makes you think a lot about yourself.

 

I ask you different questions: Do you think she can learn from her mistakes? Do you think you can truly forgive her and leave all this behind? Do you think you could still trust her after all that?

 

Then maybe, just maybe, you could consider the possibility of making contact.

 

I think I probably wouldn't ever contact her again.

[Citlali]

Let her go. She has many, many issues she has yet to deal with. Until she does, she will not be a good partner for anyone. Perhaps she is the type of woman who cannot have a relationship without drama mixed in. Avoid being put through a never-ending emotional roller coaster.

[JJ Ryder]

Run as fast as you can from the burning biulding. I am going through the same thing with my ex, who has the same issues with exs; I did the engagement thing as well.

 

Be happy you didn't get married to her, as she sounds like someone who needs constant attention, whether its good or bad, to function.

[george237]

Couldn't you see this coming? The fact that she went back to an abusive relationship several times screams issues.

 

I would try to move on and heal.