I am back again

[Nappyloxs]

I'm back again. Broke up with the same ex about 2 weeks ago. (For old story, look at old posts).

 

So anyway, ex. just got really controlling. Always do this and do that NOW. Just so much B.S. since we tried to reconcile. Everything was about her, not the relationship or us.

 

Here are some of the things I went through.

1) Night out drunk, she left me to start dancing with some random guy. Tried to act like it was no big deal because she didn't remember and she was drunk.

2) Look at some guy's tattoo (actually she was checking out his arms) in front of my face. I mean walked up to him and started having conversation and grabbing his arm.

3) Fix this and fix that on her house the minute she wanted, because "that is what boyfriend's do"

4) Put all her pay check into a savings account and then ask me for money.

5) Broke up with me countless times, the most recent was one week after "the best birthday gift she ever received."

 

So I have been seeing a therapist for a while now. Therapist thinks she is a total narcissist and has OCD. I am co-dependent and depressed.

 

Anti-depressant have helped. Although, I am know where near as depressed as last time.

 

I just don't get why I still love this girl for everything that she put me through. I wish that she is missing me and that she finds whatever she is looking for. I wish I could just get over her. The crap she put me through, I would never put up with from anyone else. Why did I put up with and still put up with it.

 

I am definitely trying to move forward this time around. I was so tired of her making everything be about her. She wouldn't take me to the airport, because it meant that she would have to wake up a little earlier.

 

I haven't spoken to her since the breakup. She said she wanted to breakup and I said okay and hungup. I texted her a few days later to make sure that is what she wanted. She said it was "best for both of us." That was over 2 weeks ago. Haven't really wanted to contact her yet.

 

I really have been pushing myself to move forward. Joined online dating, go to single events in town. Just all my friends are in relationships except one.

 

Sorry to vent, I just needed to let it out.

[bearskittie]

i think you need to stay away and listen to your therapist their right. You dont need this relationship and this person doesnt love you they see you as a provider not a lover, friend and someone to SHARE life with so stay away from then an i mean far away.

[Nappyloxs]

Thanks bearskittie

 

I know. She wasn't always this way. She just slow progressed into thinking she is "entitled" to everything. The money thing was only $20 for gas, but there is much more to the story of my relationship.

 

Provider is definitely what she expects a man to be and in my journal it does say how she did not appreciate the relationship or me as a friend or lover. I use to actually tell her that I was her best friend, but she rarely acknowledged it. Always believe that this person or that person was her best friend and of course none of them want her to be with me too.

 

My therapist also says she will call in a few months. Huh!! I hope that I have moved on by then!!. She has been right about everything so far.

[RobD70]

I just don't get why I still love this girl for everything that she put me through.

You probably don't actually love her, you have feelings that you are classifying as love but it's really your strong desire for validation from her for all the work you have invested. Remember your co-dependencies. You are having a hard time dealing with her not wanting to be with you (ego). If she thought you didn't want to be with her the tables would turn.

 

People tend to idealize the ones that reject them because the dumpee thinks it's because they are not worthy of the dumpers affection. It's all a matter of perception. If you show that the dumper is not worthy of YOUR time then watch how fast they change their mind about dumping you. That's why NC/apathy towards the dumper tend to work, it makes you look more valuable because you appear to be fine without them (your ex suppose the be the best you could ever get) and it will make them question their decisions about you.

[Nappyloxs]

RobD70: I agree with you on the co-dependence. I am having a hard time letting go. It isn't really "rejection." Of course, it hurts knowing that she believes there is someone else out there. And it does hurt to a degree when I think of the amount of energy and time I invested in the relationship.

 

My mind basically wonders about all the crap her and I went through and why I still want to be with her (co-dependence maybe, love maybe).

 

I did try to dump her once or twice and got pissed off at her a few times and would walk-out. She did change when I was trying to leave. Then she would get all apologetic.

 

We'll see about NC, but I am not counting on her contacting me and I am not counting her this time around. (Made every mistake in the book aka on this site last time).

[coolchick64]

Nappy! Nice to see you but sorry you're back under these circumstances . . .

 

I think your therapist is right---you'll hear from her again. Your job between now and then is to get very clear about what you need in life and start working on how to get it. If your ex fits into your big picture by the time she returns, fine. If she doesn't, also fine. You'll be okay either way.

[Nappyloxs]

Thanks Coolchick64.

 

I am trying to make sure that if I ever hear from her again, that she regrets it. I am not doing NC for the whole "get her back." I am doing NC for me first and foremost.

 

I am so tired of the break up/make up BS. I tell my friends we broke up and then tell them we got back together. I don't want to hear from her again. I know I will see her again out and about one day, but I just don't want to talk to her.

 

I know exactly when I will hear from her. It will be when some guy dumps/use her and then she thinks she can come back to me for comfort. That I will be there for her. F that. Been done that road with a previous ex. before and sure as hell not doing that again.

[coolchick64]

Yeah, I hear you on all of that. Def. do NC for yourself. It works really well when you're in your current mindset.