Boyfriend's Exs and Facebook

[christina2006]

I think time will really help you deal with the issue about his ex's and the details he told you about them. I was 19 when I met my boyfriend, who was 24. (Btw, I'm 24 now and he's 28) I felt the same way as you. I felt like he had done everything and I hadn't. When I went out with friends, I didn't feel as though I had as much fun as I could of. I don't know why, I guess I was holding myself back. He had already done the clubbing, bar, traveling with friends, etc.

 

You know, looking back, as much as I love him, I think I would have ended it back then just so I could go out more and enjoy life instead of stressing so much. My bf told me all the sordid details of his past relationships too, and I couldn't get it out of my head for the longest time. We had a lot of arguments back then. Plus he had shown me pictures as well.

 

But now, I don't really care about his past. I'm not sure if it's because I've grown up and matured more or b/c my feelings have kind of dimmed, or b/c we've been together for so long now that his ex's are irrelevant. Either way, I don't care about his ex's.

 

Just really try, I know it's easier to say than do, but really try to not think of them. You could be enjoying your life more, and when you get a little older, you will have wish you didn't care about his past so much. Enjoy time with your friends, go out with them. Or do what you like, the gym, school, etc. The way I see it, is if he isn't caring much of your past and ex's, then you shouldn't either! =)

[christina2006]

*he's 28.. have no clue why a happy face was there ?!?

[Oasis_Fan]

Thanks Christina! It's so sweet of you to post about your similar experience. I have a feeling that as time goes by, the feelings will slowly go away. Actually, I'm doing way better now than I was a year or so ago. Really, I think it will take time.

 

I do try my best to enjoy life. But there are some days where I don't handle it as good as other days, you know? Like some days I'd rather stay inside and cry about it. Other days I feel good about myself and I enjoy myself. I guess it depends on what my attitude is that day. I think it has a lot to do with how I feel about myself too.

 

Looking back, do you regret not getting the chance to be single back then? Do you regret not being able to do the type of things your boyfriend did? I wonder if I'll ever feel like that in the future. I don't at all right now and I don't think I ever will but it seems like I hold myself back too sometimes. Not from life (I do everything) but from partying, etc. Do you regret not having other experiences that you couldn't of back then because you were in a relationship?

[christina2006]

Hey! No problem, I'm happy to share my experiences! You asked if I regret not getting the chance to be single back then. Hmm..I do and I don't. Among my close friends, I was the one in a relationship while they were single and enjoying meeting guys and just having fun. But one of them got married earlier this year and is pregnant and the other one just got engaged. lol..so even though i've been in a relationship the longest they have all beaten me to the marriage line. lol. So they still have their fun and now they've found their special someone.

 

I guess what I regret is just not giving myself the opportunity to meet other guys and to see what else was out there, and to also enjoy partying with friends and not worry about what my boyfriend was doing or whether or not I should be acting a certain way. And yes, I do kind of regret not doing the things my bf did. I mean he got to do things while he was single and not worrying about being in a relationship, and I didn't get that.

 

I love him, don't get me wrong, but at 19, I don't think I should of locked myself with one guy. Who knows what will happen in the future, but what I am saying is you can never get your early 20's back. I was worrying about what he was doing with his friends when they went out, and I didn't have as much fun when I went out. I also regret not spending as much time with my close friends as I could have. They are both now married/getting married, and things change. Of course we're all still close, but we cannot go out and do the same things anymore. I guess that's life and growing up!

 

I just think you shouldn't hold yourself back from anything. Don't make decisions about your future, career, school..whatever it is, based on a guy. Make a decision based on what you want for yourself and everything else will work itself out. Definetly don't hold yourself back when you go out and I mean when it comes to letting loose and having fun with your friends. As long as you know you won't cheat, then there is nothing else to worry about. You know your own boundaries and what lines to not cross.

I wish someone would have told me these things..lol, but I'm not sure I would have listened!

I really hope my advice helps you!!

[christina2006]

Oh also, the part where you said you stayed in and cried on some days. Please don't do that! It's not worth it, I promise! You know back then, I had a self-esteem problem. I felt like I wasn't skinny enough (lol..i was the skinniest I'd ever been) I felt like I had to compete with every girl out there, b/c my boyfriend had this "looking around" problem...ugh..trust me, we got into arguments over that as well! But it doesn't bother me now and he doesn't do it as much anymore b/c we've both grown up. If I could I would have smacked myself back then! I was not ugly then and I am not now! lol..kinda conceited, but I feel good about myself now. I went to the gym and got the results I wanted, and realized that I don't want to have those self-esteem issues again. If you do have issues with self-esteem, try to fix what it is you are worried about. Little by little, you'll start to feel better!

[Oasis_Fan]

Thanks Christina I know exactly what your saying.

 

I'm glad you conquered your self-esteem issues because that can be a hard thing to do sometimes.

 

I need to change and feel better about myself. Thanks for your advice Means a lot.

[Unreasonable]

Also, don't try to force your BF to confront their family about what they do on facebook. It will just make you look controlling and give them more ammo against you.

 

If what they say on FB is bothering you, block them.

[Oasis_Fan]

Also, don't try to force your BF to confront their family about what they do on facebook. It will just make you look controlling and give them more ammo against you.

 

If what they say on FB is bothering you, block them.

 

Yeah I've thought about blocking them and I wanted to do that but they would know and I wondered how much drama that would cause. But honestly some days I feel like deleting them off of facebook.

[Unreasonable]

They aren't notified if you hide them on your wall. You don't have to unfriend them. If they say, "Hey, why didn't you respond to my wall post?" just say, "Oh I must have missed it, sorry."

[Oasis_Fan]

They aren't notified if you hide them on your wall. You don't have to unfriend them. If they say, "Hey, why didn't you respond to my wall post?" just say, "Oh I must have missed it, sorry."

 

Ok I didn't know that. Thanks