christina2006

I read what your wrote in response to my post and I appreciate everything you said. It was helpful. So thank you. After reading your post I can say that I really can relate to you. My friends and even his friends have said the same thing, that I'm better then her, but somehow I've become insecure. I've never felt this way with any other person. I believe the cause of that insecurity is the fact that our bf have talked so highly about their ex, that maybe we feel like we have to measure up some how. Or perhaps when they do start talking about their ex, we feel jealous because they share a bond and memories that can not be erased. But the key is to not let her bother you anymore, because he is with you now. You are 10 times better, and I'm sure you wouldn't treat him as bad as she did. The problem of insecurity is not just your problem; it's also going to be his, b/c you will take it out on him. I don't think your wrong for feeling the way you do, the way to resolve it, is by getting him to understand your feelings on the matter and having him actually make an effort to stop. I believe that you need to talk to your boyfriend about what is bothering you. Don't just wait for him to bring up his ex again. You should let him know that in order for you both to grow and possibly have a future (hopefully that won't scare him) that he is going to need to leave the ex talk behind him. There's no use in bringing up the past. He needs to realize that if you are worth it, which I am sure he does, then he is going to have to make a serious effort to move on from that part of his life, and realize that talking about her is only hurting you. I'm sure if you tell him that it hurts you when he talks so highly of her, he'll come to his senses and try to change that, in order to not hurt you. For me, it took a break down. When I talked to him, I just started crying for no reason…and I'm not advising you to cry; I just was extremely tired of it and fed up. I want our relationship to work and I know he is a great guy, so I wanted him to make a change so that it would not cause us to have unnecessary problems. After seeing me break down, it finally hit him that it hurt. And he didn't want to hurt me anymore, so he promised me there would be no more ex talk or picking up her calls. Just as you told me, his ex is probably threatened by you as well. She maybe has not dealt with the fact that he's over her and has moved on. Perhaps she shows up everywhere because she wants him to see what he's missing out on, and that he should go back to her. But he is with you, and knows you are better. There needs to be distance between them, like not seeing each other, in order for him to fully put her in the past. Anyways, I know this is long, but I hope I've helped.

I'm confused and not sure what to do. Actually I'm pretty much frustrated. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months now. He's a great guy and I can honestly say he's the best one I've been with. I can be myself with him. However, we have a problem. His ex. When we got together she called and told him she wanted to get back together with him. And he told her no, because she cheated on him and also because he was with me. But she continued to call and call. He told her to stop. Well, it did for a while. But about once a month she will call and do same thing. She'll argue with him and tell him she wants to get back together and when he tells her to stop calling after he hangs up with her. She continues to do so. She could care less about my feelings or give me the respect as his gf. I don't know what to do. I don't understand why he hasn't gotten her to stop calling. It's frustrating because once I think we're great, she pops up. What am I supposed to think or do? We've only been together 4 months, but throught this 4 months she's been an issue. What do I do?