Oh god no

[MnSnR]

oh please I need help. I can't even breath right now. Oh god. I need help. I need to go to hospital or something. This is unbearable. This is taking me ages just to be able to write something. I have never felt such pain in my life. This hurts more than I could even begin to describe. I'm 10 month out of my relationship with my ex but the whole time we nearly got back together and it was on and off and he was still in love with me. The break up hit him just as hard as it did with me. We also have a daughter together, we were going to get married and we had a house together which I still live in alone with our daughter. He started seeing this 18 year old girl only a month ago, he only met her 6 weeks ago. Today I found out that they have got a house together and moved in yesterday and are now engaged. After only a month together. This is my worst nightmare. I loved him with everything in me. With all my heart. The whole break up has been HELL for me. I have felt immense pain where I cry so much I end up being sick. But today is something else. This kind of pain I have never felt in my life. It's taken me about 2 hours just to get to the end of this post because of the state I've been in. I don't know what to do. I actually feel like dying because he was everything to me. Now so soon he has got engaged and is living with this new girl. I know you will probably say that it's none of my business now. But please don't. I'm at rock bottom. I can't cope. I've had to take our daughter to my friends house because I can't even look after her right now I'm such a mess. Please help me. Anyone been through this before? I can't believe this is actually happening.

[BellaStranger]

Oh no.... I don't even know you and I just want to give you a big hug!!! I truly know how you must be feeling... that kind of news can be devestating!! But stay strong, for yourself and your daughter, and know in your heart that this feeling can't last forever... you just need to ride it out... cry it out... scream it out... but it WILL pass!! You are a young, strong and extremely beautiful woman... this has broken you but it will not destroy you!! Keep telling yourself this... even if you don't believe it yet!

 

Is there anyone you can be with? A friend or a relative? Rather than be on your own? And you may want to look in to finding someone professional to talk to? That really helped me in my break up!!

 

Stay strong hun!

[KG]

I agree with Bella. Go stay with someone, cry it out, go somewhere and hurl rocks into a river, let it out. This will pass. Honest.

[baxxter]

I wouldn't say it's none of your business, you have a daughter with this guy and you will remain in his life and him in yours. While you cannot control what he does with his life, it could affect your daughters.

 

It's totally normal the way you are feeling right now, it is the worst thing that could happen to anyone. What he is doing sounds absurd, and I don't believe for one second that he is in right mind. 1 month? Engaged?? Marriage is for life, you can't jump into it like that!

 

He is being silly, and not really respecting you and daughter's well-being. Do you have family and friends who are supportive of you? You need to be around these people right now. Ask for help in any way you can, you are allowed to get help.

 

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Just know this, you will be OK one day. You will. You need to be strong for your child. You are the only she has.

 

Also wanting to give you a big hug...

[lostnscared]

I'm really sorry honey. I can only imagine the pain you are feeling. Is there anyone that can come over and be with you, hold you, and let you cry with them? A parent, or friend.

 

You need to vent and get your emotions out--cry, scream, hit a wall, lay on the floor feeling helpless. You need to feel it all. You will feel a little better once you get it out.

[incaangelique]

Oh sweetie! You should see a psychiatrist as soon as possible and ask for some sedatives for short term use. Panic attacks are so disruptive. I hate your ex. He sounds awful. We are here for you.

[MnSnR]

Thanks you all. I really just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have to know him forever because of our daughter. I can't deal with that thought. I wish I could erase him from my memory but everytime I look at Rose I just see him. I need to move house. I need to get away from all these memories in this house. It feels like yesterday when we moved in. So excited and I just remember us picking all the furniture and painting the walls...everything that now surrounds me is a memory of us. I just don't understand life anymore. I have no faith in love at all now. What is the point in anything. I don't get how he is now engaged and LIVING with this new girl who he's only been with a month. He's so heartless that he even told me how strong they were and he couldn't be happier. Why would he be so evil. He just doesn't need to rub it in my face. This is killing me. I am in a very bad place. My family are from Sweden. My Mam doesn't live here and my Dad's gone away for 6 weeks with his wife so I have no family at all over here at the minute and no money to get away

[vertigoxo]

Oh wow. Your ex is a... Well, I can't throw out expletives since ENA won't allow it, but man, do I got a few colorful words that I'd just love to describe him! The jerk!

 

All I can say is that, I know what it's like. I remember my first break up, the break up that led me here. He moved on to a girl nearly 3 weeks after our break up... And it was back to his ex who he said he hated with every ounce of his being trash-talked her while he was with me! It really hurt me and I'll never forget how hard I cried that night when two mutual friends told me.

 

Anyway... I'll bet it's way harder for you since you have his child and had a MUCH closer type of relationship. Just try and find ways to let all of your anger and pain out; Break useless things, burn his photos, scream with loud music, punch something will all your might (be careful not to hurt yourself), etc etc.

 

We're all here for you, hun.

[iBroken]

If it makes you feel better, the engagement wont last. Even if they do something stupid like jump into getting married, they will be divorced.

 

Your ex is coping with you not being with him anymore.....shes clinging to him to make sure he doesnt look back. This "engagement" is just two unstable people trying to force something rather then letting it naturally happen.

 

And trust me when I say, it will get better. So just start breathing. Catch your breath, cry, scream and let it all out. I was a mess once I found out my ex was in a relationship. That was a week ago. I felt my world ending and I feared for a relapse into a dark depression. Well 7 days later, I dont even care that shes with this guy. I personally think its a joke..........Im better off without and so are you.

[oldenoughtoknow]

I am so sorry. It sounds like you may have been harboring some level of hope for the past 10 months that you might reconcile? And now this. I know it seems impossible right now, but there will soon come a day when you will no longer allow this guy to wield such control of your emotions. You will move on. You will live a happy life. You will talk to him only enough as needed to maintain his contact with your daughter. And each time you will walk away without so much as a shoulder shrug. Let him have his little life with his six week move in and engagement. We can all see his next train wreck coming. Take care of yourself. And your daughter. You both deserve SO much better, and he's giving you that gift.

[DannyC]

The guy is a fool. They both sound very immature. Its a disaster waiting to happen. You are a stunningly beautiful Woman and there are thousands, no millions of decent Men out there would be give their right arm to have your love, believe me.

[heartache2010]

MnSnR, I too know the feeling of not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I did not have any ties with my ex such as a house or children but 7 years with her (my first girlfriend), my emotions got better part of me and I was crushed.

 

Please please please! do what I did, go see your primary care physician, I've had panic attacks to the point I almost black out or faint trying to get up for cup of water. Your family doctor will be able to give you something for those panic attacks! and trust me it will help you.

[DannyC]

I agree. It sounds like you are having panic attacks. They are harmless but horrible. Its the body reacting to too much stress at anyone time. A large Brandy or two for a temporary measure tonight and then the Doctors tomorrow.

[Eddie37]

MnSnr, sorry for all your pain....you'll be feeling it for a while. But logically you have to approach this objectively. Life has a way of taking our expectations and throwing them away. A lot of the pain we feel in life is when things don't happen the way we want, they way we thought they would. Keep on rolling, keep on loving your daughter, and begin to accept your new reality, your new life. It's going to hurt like hell but this is the way it is. You can't change him, you can't make him come back...all you can do is move forward and accept that he isn't with you. Hugs for you...you can and will make it. You're stronger than you think.

[jimmajam]

I'm not sure what to tell you, but if you still love him, there is a good chance this won't work out. Rushing into living together and marriage with anyone that soon is a recipe for disaster. It's usually a good idea to get to know the person before doing anything too crazy. Just do you and don't pay attention to his life.

[mommyalone]

A month after I moved out because my husband wanted a divorce, he moved a girl in that he knew for 3 days. That was a little over a year ago. I cut off his contact to my children. She got pregnant 2 months later. Our divorce was finalised and within a month they were married. He doesn't deserve you or the emotion that you are expending on him. You are beautiful and you have a lil girl that needs you. Boys are pigs, but there are some Men out there. Leave the boy alone and find your place in the world. Do something that makes you happy, watch your daughter smile and laugh and play. My son is 2 1/2 and I haven't heard him say momma in so long, but he still laughs, and it chases away any dark feelings that may linger. When it starts to hurt less find a Man, thats what you deserve.

[MnSnR]

Oh god. That's awful. What goes through their minds. I don't understand how some people can be so cruel and heartless and rub things in our face like that. I don't know what to do about contact now because I DO NOT want my little Rose going to stay at their new place when they both do drugs all the time and the girl is only 18 years old. I'd probably have a complete break down if she had to ever go and stay with them. Don't know what to do anymore

Thanks everyone else for your input...it means a lot. I'm at rock bottom. I need to get out of this state I'm in but I don't have a clue how I'm going to do that

[jennb0benn]

Oh, reading this makes me feel for you because I can tell it's from a real place. I do believe that you will be better in time. Everyone is here for you on ENA. Again, I am so sorry. ~hugs~

[MnSnR]

Oh, reading this makes me feel for you because I can tell it's from a real place. I do believe that you will be better in time. Everyone is here for you on ENA. Again, I am so sorry. ~hugs~

 

Thank you. I really hope so. I physically can't take much more of it.

 

Does anyone else here have panic attacks? I've started getting them recently and they're just awful!

[Carnatic]

That's so awful I do think is is every bit of your business as you have a daughter, and it doesn't sound like healthy behaviour from him either, to go from missing you enough to want to try keeping things with you going, to this so quickly. He must have some issues.

[Carnatic]

I just saw your last post. I get panic attacks too, even more since I broke up with my gf. There's not a lot I can think of to do about them except for have a big glass of ice-cold water.

[MnSnR]

I just saw your last post. I get panic attacks too, even more since I broke up with my gf. There's not a lot I can think of to do about them except for have a big glass of ice-cold water.

 

They're horrible aren't they! I didn't used to understand panic attacks before or why people suddenly reacted the way they did when they had them. Now I totally understand. The only thing that will help stop them for me is falling asleep from the exhaustion of them and then when I wake up I'm ok again. When did you last have one? I feel like I'm losing my mind since this break up!

[Carnatic]

I don't know I think it might be a while since I had one, but there's such a fine line between 'almost having one' and having one.

 

My doctor prescribed an anti-depressant for the anxiety, but that doesn't really help, Valerian root, which is a herbal remedy you can find in Holland & Barret's helps a bit better, also a cup of tea or the ice cold water a friend suggested helps a bit, but yeah it's a horrible feeling and it can seem very difficult to understand why you're having one when it happens.

[BellaStranger]

How are you holding up MnSnR?