My how time/age/experience changes us.

[brokenheart311]

Hi all,

 

Caution: long post ahead, proceed with care.

 

Haven't been around in awhile. Last time I was here I was lamenting the loss of my ex fiance. That went on for like 6 months. Then something great happened! No I didn't get back together with my ex I met someone else. Someone who captivated my heart, someone who challenged me, someone who embraced the things I love (like certain bands, Locally brewed beer and the New Orleans Saints).

 

Things were going great, we started dating last October. Things progressed very well through the holidays and well into the Spring and beginning of Summer. Suddenly things started falling apart for no apparent reason. She would be cool (not quite cold) with me. She pointed out my lack of money, which is only true for a few more weeks because I'm done with school tomorrow and already have job offers.

 

SO what did I do? Like an idiot I failed to realize what the problem was while we were in those moments. I acted cool back to her, I quit spending the night at her place, I quit having sex with her (yeah, I guess I thought I was gonna make her beg for it or something). Then to top it all off after a 4 hour road trip in which we hardly talked I put the nail in the coffin. I put her bags in her house, went to the bathroom and then walked out the door, barely acknowledging her and said "ok, see ya later" and left into the night. The next day I planned on going over to her place to break up with her, tell her that I won;t be treated like that, don;t see myself settling down with someone that puts me through a 6 week period of crap. Yep I sure was gonna tell her all that and then tell her she needed to change to keep me around.

 

Guess what? I drove over to tell her these things, she wasn't home. I go back home, log on to FB and find out she dropped me as a friend. I was livid, but relieved (or so i thought) I spent the rest of the day trying to catch her at her house and finally did at sundown. I said "at least you could break up with me face to face instead of on FB", she said "When you left last night and just said see ya later, it was over, I don't want to argue about it, my decision is final". I said "fine, it was nice knowing you for a few months and left. I felt as though I was WRONGED. In the last 2 days I have discovered that I wasn't WRONGED I was just wrong. Let me tell you how I was in the wrong.

 

1st mistake: She had been asking me for nearly a month to bring my dogs and stay the night at her house before she became cool to me. I would rationalize it to myself by thinking "nah, I would have to get up in the middle of the night to take the dogs out on a leash since she doesn't have a fence". Yep, this was wrong of me. I should have gone, it would have done wonders for her piece of heart to have us there, instead it probably looked to her like I was distancing myself.

 

2nd mistake: On the 4th of july she, I, my friend and her friend were playing golf together. Her friend made the comment about how nice the surrounding neighborhood is and that "you guys should live here after the ceremony." I should have either said nothing or "yeah maybe", but instead I said "what ceremony?" and acted all shocked that someone was talking about such an event. I did it to be funny thinking my GF knew I was considering proposing to her at some point, but more than likely I set off alarm number 2.

 

3rd mistake: A few weeks ago she offered to pay for dinner and I let her. she said something along the lines of "I can't wait until you're done with school so I don't have to pay for dinner" (that wasn't right of her either since she knew going in to the relationship of my lack of money due to school) I should have said "baby, you've been so great to me. i really appreciate to offering to pay while funds are low. I'll make it up to you very soon." Nope, I said "I actually think I've done very well taking you out on dates with my limited finances."

 

4th mistake: Leaving her house the way I did the other night. And the entire six weeks I didn't communicate with her that I didn't think things were going well.

 

So time/experience has changed me to be able to reflect and see MY mistakes very quickly after the breakup this time. It's not a success by any means because I/we still let it get to the point where we both wanted out, but I can clearly see my faults. It's just not knowing if x caused y or the other way around. Apparently I subconsciously played the game "he who cares least, wins" but we both lost.

 

My plan from here is to give her a couple of weeks to calm down and then try and talk to her and tell her my mistakes and apologize. She may do the same and take me back or she may tell me to F-off. Either way I'll be better off than I am now (feeling guilty that I broke her heart so bad she felt she needed to leave).

 

Thoughts?

[Esteller]

very interesting concept man.

[MauiGirl]

I think you have spent your time wisely, and figured out where you could have done things better - rather than blame her.

As hard as it is when a relationship ends, whomever ends it, I think it's important that we are able to reflect on ways that we could have handled things better. I don't mean taking the blame, I mean sincerely identifying situations that could have gone differently with a different reaction.

Good for you! I wish you luck, should you decide to talk to her in a couple of weeks to try to sort it out. You have learned a valuable lesson here....the challenge in this is not to repeat it!

[soul12]

Just don't beat yourself up over these mistakes. . .

 

While I will agree that some of those are YOUR fault (especially just walking out like that), it takes two to tangle. While you guys are apart, think about the things that YOU didn't like in the relationship. Think about what made you feel the way you did. I am not justifying your actions, and I do not know the full story. I am just saying. . .