Rather unhappy with my life right now ...

[Mysterious Gurl]

Helloooo (:

 

I have just completed my first year at university and I have enjoyed it but the only thing going well is my degree (which I am happy about). Everything else around me is just falling apart ... I'm so lonely and miserable. I have a small group of friends who I love but they've gone home for the summer except one. I don't really care about being popular.

 

The main problem I'm facing is finance. I have been trying to do the right thing as a 21 year old and get a job, that's all I've been doing and I have the experience but I can't seem to get a job and I apply for every possible vacancy. I have no money and I owe my friend one months rent. My parents aren't anywhere near in a good enough position to help me. The thing that makes it worse is that all my friends and most people on my course have their parents giving them lots of money for bills, food, offering to pay their rent etc ... everyone is SO LUCKY that they have their parents helping them. Also everyone seems to have luck at finding a job except me. It's not fair and I'm so jealous. All I see on Facebook is "pay day" or "life is so good right now" or "is going on holiday" and it's majorly depressing me. I can't afford a holiday, I can't even afford to go home because I live 400 miles away.

 

Also my boyfriend broke up with me and he ignores me all the time and I hate seeing him with other girls. I want things to go back to how they were when we first met. Everything was so perfect, I adored him so much and losing him is horrible because everytime I try to get close to seeing someone else, I look for characteristics of my ex in them (yes I know this is horrible, I don't do it on purpose and I know this means I'm not over him yet). It's been a year an a half ...

 

I feel so lonely. My parents have divorced very, very recently which took a toll on me unexpectedly. I thought being 21 it wouldn't effect me emotionally but it does very much. However they stay friends. My sister has her husband and my brother has his girlfriend, I however am alone, single, skint and miserable. I hate seeing couples in the street or groups of friends out having fun.

 

All I want is a job so I can have some money to have nice things and feel like I am occupying my time wisely. It hurts so bad when vacancies reject me.

 

I also get really angry and emotional on my own, I get so angry at my family for not being able to help me financially, I have thought about suicide and I have even thought about murder. I'm not insane, I would never go that far. I really wouldn't. I just get so angry.

 

I'm so, so alone and I want someone to just come alone and change my life. Give me a job, bring me my friends back, make my family effing understand what I'm going through. I really don't want them contacting me unless they're gonna help me financially. I'm sick of them saying "we're here for you", well, NO YOU'RE NOT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING THAT'S MAKING MY LIFE WORTH LIVING!? Everything is just going swimmingly for my family with their new borns and relationships.

 

I know I am coming accross selfish but I may as well be honest and open about it if I want some well grounded advice.

 

I'm sorry for sounding rather scary with the things I say. I truly am a nice person, really nice. I do everything I can for people even those I'm not even close too. It's probably my biggest downfall in life.

 

I wouldn't hurt anyone. I just get so angry and upset.

 

 

Hope you're all having a good evening/day wherever you are ...

 

Miya XX

[vertigoxo]

image removed

 

The wolf knows.

 

Anyway... Maybe you should try and get a job in the food industry. Maybe try waitressing? It's daunting, but at least it can get you some money to the table. As for your friends, yes, it's depressing, but why don't you hang out with that one friend who didn't leave?

 

Your ex lost out on a great thing. Remember that. It's tough but try to get away from him and ignore him back. Focus on you.

[Xylitol]

Life gives you exactly that what you dont want, this is how you learn your life lessons.

 

In your case your life lesson is that you need to learn stop begging and holding up your hands and saying 'please help me'. Afteral if there is no one who you can count on in this world, you better make sure you can count on yourself.

 

Remember this: All forms of co-dependency is wrong. Its a tough thing to say in your position but it is the truth. You need to be realistic. And the realisation is that no one is going to help you. And you need to wake up to that.

 

What happens to a starving person in the desert who cannot take care for themselves? answer is ,they die. Is anyone going to help them? No, that rich western person on the other side of the world who has daddy paying everything for them doesn't sleep any less as a result of it. Conclusion: Your situation is NOT their situation.

 

So looking at how the grass is greener at the other side, while you leave your own grass brown to rot isn't how you should be handling things. You need to tend to your own grass in life and make it green again and let other people waste their time at looking how green the grass is in your garden. In this you learn that you have to 'earn what you receive in life'

 

And you might want us to have a look at those job reviews that you are sending, and what is going wrong with them. Maby they can be improved somehow so that you can land yourself a decent job and pay back the rent.