I regret my divorce

[Jetta]

I really don't know if I made the right decision. Sure he's better off without me but am I without him? Don't seem to be, but I could have lost both kids and any future children I was pregnant but miscarried due to the stress. Life hasn't gotten any easier with him out of it. A lot of bad things have happened. Really I just wonder if I'll ever meet anyone I like and if I'll ever get through these trials.

[alli]

I read somewhere, I think today even, that 4 of 10 people who get divorced later regret it, so you certainly aren't alone there. But remember it's easy to look at what you don't (or no longer) have and wish you had those positive things, but forget the negative things that come along with those positive things.

 

Try not to focus so much on something you can't undo. What's done is done, and this is where you are at now so this is where you need to live your life.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

You can't go back in time....you did what you felt was right for you at the time. Don't waste the rest of your life with regrets. There is still a lot of life to enjoy even without a partner.

[Nidania]

This is such a tough spot to be in Jetta. I have been in your shoes, and I regretted my decision to divorce my husband for a long time. It was still the right decision to make, but boy was it hard to get to a place of peace about it. It took a lot of time, and a lot of conscious effort to recover. But I did, and you will too.

 

I am so sorry for your miscarriage. That is a big loss, and needs to be grieved.

 

You will get through these trials. I have followed you for some time, and you are a strong, wonderful woman. You may find someone else, you may not, but either way you will be okay with time.

[John Bendix]

Jetta,

 

Alli gave you some geat advice.

 

Regret is just an extreme example of repeating an image (for that all that it is) of the past. Images that coerce unpleasant emotion reactions. It is a reaction to our unwillingness to accept what is right now in our life.

 

COD is right. There is no going back but acceptance frees us from the ill effects of the images we conjure.

 

As for time healing all wounds.....Acceptance heals all wounds. It just takes most of us time to reach that acceptance.

[redswim30]

Hey Jetta.

 

I understand what you are going through. I am divorced, and I am glad I did so. But I did have extreme moments of "missing him", "regretting" and wondering if I did the right thing, especially in the beginning It's only natural if you truly did ever love the person.

 

But it's also important to keep in mind that you got divorced for a reason. And that there is a big difference between loving someone and being able to live with them. There is a part of me that will always love my exhusband and there is a small part of me that still misses him from time to time.

And yes, you are right, it doesn't make all your problems go away. Believe me when I say, you truly aren't alone in your feelings. What really helped me (and also what I'd suggest for you) was talking to other divorced people to gain some perspective. (perhaps a divorce support group is in order?) Turns out most of them did go through at least a small period of feeling this way regardless of how much they wanted out. But it does gets better.

 

Even though I sometimes miss my ex, I also know that if he really were back in my life, things would not be good. It's in that reaching of acceptance that you truly start to heal. It's tough, but it will happen. Hang in there.

In the meantime, I highly suggest talking to as many people who have been through it.

 

All the best !

[annbuckley]

I understand too. I am in the middle of my divorce. It is an odd place to be. We remember all of the great and we must consistently remind ourselves what the catalyst was for the end of the relationship. Absence always makes the heart fonder. Be strong. We are in this together!