For all the shy guys out there [answer please!]

[trypanosoma]

I've read many posts that deals with a shy guy getting advice on how to ask a girl out, how to get a girlfriend, how to be outgoing, etc. But I can't help but wonder what would happen if the girl is the one that is approaching you. The following questions are for the shy guys, especially for those who consider themselves extremely shy. Here it goes...

If you are attracted to someone you know but don't talk to, and if she were to ask you out, would you reject her invitation fearing that she wouldn't like you? Would you reject her invitation because you feel more comfortable playing hard to get? If she says hi to you or initiates conversation, would you pretend to not like her and act as if you're not interested? If she starts to talk to you, would you get nervous and stay quiet, risking the chance of getting to know her and seeing what could happen? What subtle signals would you send out so she can know that you like her presense? Sorry for the list of questions. I would really appreciate your answers! Thanks so much in advance to those not shy enough to reply to this post!!!

If you ask people out, odds are that some will reject you, but those odds will be better than those odds of you doing nothing. Take care!

[1Adam12]

This is a really question to raise Trypanosoma..

 

I don't know if I consider myself a shy guy as much as some others would I don't know..But me for me here are my responses to your questions..

 

1st -No I would not reject her I would think she liked me cause hey she asked me out so obviously there is something there

 

2-No I would not pretend not to like her thats stupid it would make her think I don't like her and she'd basically give up trying to go out with me.

 

3. I wouldn't stay real quiet but yes I'd be very nervous..not in terms of getting to know her but more on the side of I really don't wanna screw this up who knows where it could go.

 

Hope that gives you a little more insight to the shy people..but then again I dunno if I'm considered a shy guy anymore seeing as how I did ask 1 girl out but got shot down in a way

 

Phil

[JohnnyRingo]

ok well if she asked you and and you said no fearing if she didnt like you, then thats being insecure. you just have to find out what your insecure about and fix it (easier said then done). if she asked you out dont say "no" to play hard to get. say your involved with someone else at the moment. if she asks who make up a name and says she goes to a different school or something. she wont press much further than that. after about a month when you start talking to her again, if she says anything about your "gf" say things didnt work out. playing hard to get like that makes girls want you even more. i dont remember what other questions you had and i cant check cuz im typing this but good luck!

[trypanosoma]

I'm sure that the answers provided also gives insight to those thinking about making the "first move." Yeah we're all afraid of rejection, but how can girls make the first move if shy guys aren't giving a subtle hint of interest? Thanks Phil for answering the majority of the questions. I was planning to ask a really quiet person out for coffee or lunch, but when we talk it's usually work-related, and he's afraid of opening up. I have picked up signals that he's interested (or maybe he's just a nice guy overall), but other times he just brushes me off. ](*,) Maybe next time I'll just bash him on the head and tell him that I'm attracted to him. Then I'll see what happens. It did help to get some insight from others. Thanks!

It's surprising to see only two post replies out of 40 views (so far).

[orange blood]

I consider myself shy, though I have my moments.

 

[...cut out a bunch details here about a similar situation, i tend to write alot...]

 

Some girls just intimidate shy guys. Even though I wanted to talk to this girl, even with her making the effort to talk to me, I still couldn't talk to her. She had a boyfriend(well she had one for almost all year in from my first period class, then like the 3 weeks or so of school she dumped him and this other guy from first period started courting her and they basically started going out. Funny enough, the old boyfriend sat behind me, the new one in front), and I didn't like her the same way I had, but it was still hard for me to talk to her.

 

It's hard for guys like us who want to talk, and when we do, we talk about work/school as it's close to talking, but not really.

I would suggest finding out something he's interested in as a hobby or something, and try to talk to him about that. Something that's not entirely work-related, but not entirely too personal. Once he finds out he can talk to you and you won't think he's a loser or something, I bet he'll soon enough be able to open up.

 

Try to get into some discussion and suggest you should finish it up over coffee. Then if you do get coffee, maybe go into that discussion, but transition it to something else.

Maybe you could remember some old memory you had of doing something and then you can ask him about that. Maybe you just remembered the time one of your brothers did something to you and you can ask him if he has any siblings.

 

(on a side note, this is they way the girl I was talking to up there found out how many siblings I had, twice though. The first time wasn't on purpose.

1. In class she found some forwared e-mail in her inbox that had my sister's name. She then asked me if I had any sibling, i told her, and then she asked what my sisters' names, and then she told me my sister somehwo e-mailed her. What happened was this person forwarded an e-mail to my sister, my sisters forwarded back to her, and then this girl forwarded to the girl in my class. It was some little thing where you suppsoe to send it to 10 of you friends or osmehting stupid like that.

2. We were eating lunch like 2 or so weeks after that e-mail inccident at an amuzement park(uh, she asked me to volunteer with her to help handicapped people there for the day with her church). One girl started to talk about her half sister in another state, the girl that invited me talked about her half-sister that's here, and then the discussion the went to me when the girl asked about my siblings like "you have x sisters and a brother right?", and then I told her I also had a half-sister and a half-brother.

)

[hurtbylove]

I am a shy guy, but sometimes I work up the confidence to talk to the girl that I like.

 

I am really vague when it comes to letting them know I like them, like I sort of flirt, but I fear rejection quite a bit also.

 

In my first (ended) relationship, I initiated the contact and she started pursuing me. She understood that I was shy, and thought it was cute for a while.

 

Once I'm comfortable with them though, I can really act like myself.

 

But of course I wouldn't reject the girl if she came up to me and asked me out, that's what I would be hoping for!

 

I tend to be cautious about expressing how I feel unless I KNOW that the other person feels the same way. I try to let my actions convey my feelings, but I have a hard time saying to someone that I like them.

[Timeless]

Ah, good set of questions, and I really wish more women would take the time to learn these things, because I really think that the extremely shy guys out there can be worth the effort. I am extremely shy, so I feel qualified to answer

 

1 and 2. If a girl I was attracted to asked me out, my response depends a lot on how prepared I was to be asked. If there was plenty of clear unmistakable flirting leading up to it, I might be ready to respond properly. There have been a few times that a women made it VERY clear that she was interested, so when she asked me out, it was no surprise and I said yes. Unfortunately, seldom has this happened with a woman I was actually interested in!

 

On the other hand, if I'm not expecting it, I normally stammer and ultimately, I probably make an excuse. It's not necessarily that I absolutely don't want to date this person; I just get nervous when it's not expected and my first instict is to find a way out, to avoid the pressure.

 

3. I guess maybe I play "not interested" because I kinda feel like no woman would actually be genuinely attracted to me, so I prefer to make it seem like that's the way I want it, like I'm not interested either. But if she makes it VERY clear that she's interested, I'll be nervous, but I'll talk.

 

4. If I was still somewhat unsure of myself, I probably would not send any conscious subtle signals, but I'm sure I would send unconscious signals. My face would probably drop (show subtle but clear disappointment if you left.) You would probably sense the signs. Trust your instincts. But being Mr. Shy, I'd probably try to surpress the signs that I'm interested until you hit me over the head with an interest brick :

 

Qualifying note: I'm quite a bit older than you or the others who posted here, and I'm much better now than at age 20, but the shyness is still quite crippling.

 

So, my advice: make it very clear that you like him before asking him out. Make it unmistakable. You'll boost his confidence and prepare him for it. If you do go out with him, ask me about some details about the date...I bet I'd have some insight into the "shy guy date."

 

Good luck

 

Timeless

[hurtbylove]

Well.. it would be kind of hard for a woman to put all her cards on the table and just slap the shy guy and say: "Look, I like you, let's go out".

 

I think a lot of women have to deal with the possible rejection/fear that goes along with it too.

 

Also, I think a lot of shy guys really just need to suck it up and take initiative. I think my ex-gf gave me a chance, but I never took up the role of leading the relationship. I was too passive and never quite knew what to do.

 

I was her 3rd boyfriend and she was my first. I don't feel like she really told me the reason why she left me but I'm starting to think that it was because she got tired of being the one in control.

[purple_haze444]

i am the shyest guy i have ever met and for most shy guys it is like a dream come true for a girl to approach the guy. unless the guy is a total jerk he will appriciate you coming and talking to you and definitely will not blow you off. hoped i helped.

[Pyralis]

I've read many posts that deals with a shy guy getting advice on how to ask a girl out, how to get a girlfriend, how to be outgoing, etc. But I can't help but wonder what would happen if the girl is the one that is approaching you. The following questions are for the shy guys, especially for those who consider themselves extremely shy. Here it goes...

 

I have AvPD, which I'm trying to overcome, so I think I qualify. I hope I can help.

 

If you are attracted to someone you know but don't talk to, and if she were to ask you out, would you reject her invitation fearing that she wouldn't like you?

 

No, I wouldn't reject her. I always fear rejection, but I now how much it hurts to be rejected. I would never do that to her without giving her a chance. Sure, there is always that persistent fear that she won't like me, but since she approached me, I can take some comfort in knowing that she has shown some interest.

 

Would you reject her invitation because you feel more comfortable playing hard to get?

 

No. I don't like playing games like that.

 

If she says hi to you or initiates conversation, would you pretend to not like her and act as if you're not interested?

 

I always fear that my shyness could be misinterpreted as lack of interest, but I would never intentionally pretend to not like her.

 

If she starts to talk to you, would you get nervous and stay quiet, risking the chance of getting to know her and seeing what could happen?

 

I definitely think that I would be nervous and quiet at first. When I'm nervous talking to someone I tend to require a lot of prompting to keep the conversation going, but once I start getting more comfortable it tends to be less of a problem.

 

What subtle signals would you send out so she can know that you like her presense?

 

I'm not really sure about the kinds of signals that I would send out. A lot of that stuff is sub-conscious, so you don't really notice yourself sending them at all. There have been some times though that I have caught myself doing things that I think could be seen as signals of interest.

 

If you're just in the same room as him (not conversing):

 

If you see a guy who can't keep his eyes off of you but as soon as you look at him he looks away or looks down to the floor, trust me, that's a sure fire sign that he likes you. He's just nervous. Go up and talk to him, you'll most definitely make his day, week, month, year, decade, etc…

 

While conversing:

 

If you give him a big smile and his face lights up and he gives a big smile back, bingo, he likes you. (I read about that one somewhere, but I've caught myself doing it too.)

 

Hmmmm…… sorry, but I can't think of anything else right now. Like I said, these kinds of things are usually done sub-consciously.

 

Sorry for the list of questions. I would really appreciate your answers! Thanks so much in advance to those not shy enough to reply to this post!!!

If you ask people out, odds are that some will reject you, but those odds will be better than those odds of you doing nothing. Take care!

 

No problem, trypanosoma. You're very welcome.

 

Now, if only there were more women in the world who would make the first move.

[Santa]

I suppose im shy in a way, but heres my input anyway.

 

I normaly act uninterested etc and barely ever flirt, because I don't feel I need to. Perhaps my ego is too big or something, but girls tend to flirt with me quite a bit, and I have got asked out a fair few times by girls, so I don't feel I need to make the effort. Perhaps deep down im afraid of rejection aswell? I don't really do anything, and some girls seem to like me - in girls I never really knew existed, so again I never really needed to act in this way, and when I dont show interest back they still keep coming sometimes, perhaps in a playing hard to get way?

To be honest, because I get this attention, im very picky, and usually find alot of girls unattractive. When girls ask me out, im usually shocked, and feel kind of guilty that I may of led them on or something. I usually turn them down because I don't find them attractive. I know I am my own worst enemy. Again, another reason why I don't flirt etc, is because I don't wanna lead girls on that I don't actually like, so I don't have to go through the process of feeling guilty about rejecting them etc. However, despite all this, I still have doubts in the back of my head, and get shy sometimes, but if a girl I liked asked me out, I wouldn't know what to say, but it would be somehting like 'Yes'. I wouldn't know where to take it from there though TBH - If a girl asks you out does that mean she likes you so much that she wouldn't say no to a lot of things? When im on dates, im never really sure where I stand, and feel kind of shy, so act mayb a bit cold, in a lame attempt to get the girl to make the moves.

[frank_P]

if i didnt know a girl and she asked me out then i would base my response on weather or not ithught she was hot

if a girl started conversation with me i would talk to her and might be nervous if i liked her

[ShySoul]

Well, as an extremely shy guy I would love for someone I'm attracted to to ask me out. My problem is getting up the nerve to ask someone myself. If she takes that pressure off me, I would still be nervous but not as much. I would be slow to open up but that's just my nature. If she showed an interest in getting to know me then I would respond in kind and try to get to know her. As far as signals, I'd probably be a lot more energetic , really interested in the conversation, and smile alot. I've always thought he can tell a lot about people, especially if the like you, by their smile.

[Shinobie]

For the first ya i might reject her because i dont know how to act on a date or how initiate conversation with a girl like when your in astore or somehting looking around.For the 2nd one i would still proly act like i liekd her but knowing my shyness i would prolly be too nervous and not be able to talk well or somehting.for the third id try to talk but wouldnt really know what to talk about to them.Id be very nervous and tyr to think of something we can extend and talk about more although i cant ever think of somethign liek that =/